Repossession Puns

I'm convinced it's a mix up from when I moved branches.

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

No one expected the Spanish requisition

Will you get repossessed?

It’s been repossessed

Sang the happy repossession man.

Her soul got repossessed

So she was repossessed

They said if I didn’t pay it back on time I’d get repossessed.

You get repossessed.

If the customers don't pay their bill, you can go back and repossess their house.

Her house was repossessed...

She got repossessed

They said if I didn't, my house would be repossessed.

I guess you could say my cars been repossessed.

If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed.

His house was repossessed.

I hope my house doesn't get repossessed.

it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the ends.

My dad's joke this morning: A man asked a priest to exorcise the demons in him. So the priest came and did the exorcism. When it came time to pay the priest for services rendered, the man couldn't pay, so the priest had the man reposessed. groan

Edit: spelling

It joins the IRS and begins repossessing houses

(My first attempt at a Dad joke)

His house was repossessed.

Q: What happens when a man forgets to pay the exorcist?

A: He gets repossessed!

We were talking about exorcists. He told me you shouldn't miss payments when dealing with exorcists.

"Why?"

"They'll repossess your house."

...you get repossessed.

do you get repossessed?

So he repossessed my house.

You get repossessed.

You get repossessed.

Do you get repossessed?

You get repossessed.

I got repossessed.

You get repossessed.

You might get repossessed!

You get repossessed.

They get repossessed

Do you get repossessed?

Hear about the girl who didn't pay her exorcist. Well she got repossessed.

He had the guy repossessed.

You get repossessed