I have zero K ($) to my name
Because they're all not 'C's.
I told him they were the letters of recommendation.
Happy No L!
Wild Bill Hickock
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
So I went to the eye doctor today she was blind in one eye Oh, the eyerony!
They responded, “Maybe I did, but you asked how I spell it.”
R
E
D
D
I
T
I
S
A
N
O
K
A
Y
W
E
B
S
I
T
E
Boom, roasted!
Me: F-O-R T-H-E L-I-F-E O-F M-E
Daughter: confused look
... E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer.
Wait.. did I miss one out? O deer
(That means I treat them like they’re stupid)
They're calling it an express-o.
- Thanks to sourceshrek for inspiring this joke with his own: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/qqf7i0/a_girl_i_once_dated_was_an_italian_pastry_chef/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
O I C U R M T
S O M E v i e w s are r e f r a C T E D, but I'm fully transparent.
‘yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’
So with his best effort the boy replies ‘A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’
The teacher says ‘very good but what happened to the P?’
‘Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’
She said, "Spelling?"
I said, "O...R...T...H...O..."
(Not sure if this counts, but...)
At times it can be a battle trying to get my kids to brush their teeth, so have to try different ways to encourage them...
For my 4 y/o daughter, I tell her it won't take long, as she's got small teeth...
For my 6 y/o son, I tell him it won't take as long as usual, as he's lost 6 of them...
...we use electric toothbrushes for both...😂
(Might be better in r/KidsAreFuckingStupid...😅)
>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<
O I C U R
Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.
>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P
I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.
… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes
[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]
Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:
January:
-
Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes
-
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes
-
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes
February:
-
Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes
-
My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes
-
When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes
March:
-
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes
-
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.
-
[When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da
Hostess: Hi, how many for you? Dad: 4 please Hostess: Okay, and can I get a name for that? Dad: George Granecki Hostess: Can you spell that for me please? Dad: G-E-O-R-G-E....
Dad: f.o.r.t. Me: now say it twice Dad: fort fort Me: now say it three more times Dad: fort fort fort Me: now what do you eat soup with? Dad: (inserts the most Asian ass accent) “RICE” No joke the moment he said that I had to post on reddit.
I've been procrastinating all weekend... but it's finally time I post-it something, so here you go
Back when I was younger I needed to write an essay.
Me: Dad what is the computer password?
Dad: The password is in my control
Me: Okay cool but I need to write an essay
Dad: I told you it is my control
Me: Can you just come here and type it in then?
This went on for a few weeks until I watched him type in m-y-c-o-n-t-r-o-l
The password is still the same to this day.
I was Snapchatting with my s.o. and my dad asked me what it was about so when I explained it seemed interested. He downloaded it added me as a friend, or whatever Snapchat calls it, and this was the first picture I received.
My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.
Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"
Son "Yes!"
Wife " Tell me what the letters are"
Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"
Me "Was that his first dad joke?"
Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.
My mom was looking at stuff on Facebook and she says, "She spelled 'Kelly' wrong." To which I replied with "how do you spell Kelly wrong?" My dad looks at me and goes, "K-E-L-L-Y-W-R-O-N-G."
3yr - What is that?
Dad - Mail
3yr - No, those are letters
Dad - (Look to my wife in approval) Yes those are letters.
3yr - He starts reading each letter on the envelope. L-I-M-I-T-E-D O-F-F-E-R
She says, "I can't even spell anymore!"
Me: "A-N-Y-M-O-R-E"
w-i-t-h-o-u-t-l-e-t-t-e-r-s
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
No-el no-L
Why did A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z all get sent to the principal's office?
Because they were naughty! (Not "E")
M R NOT O S A R C M WINGS L I B M R DUCKS
Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.
Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?
Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.
I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.
I'm missing the iron E.
