Hi all, I’ve always wondered what the difference is between a Commissioned and Non-Commissioned officer, I can’t find a clear cut answer on the internet. Can someone please explain?
Please take down if this is classified as a recruitment question.
Long time lurker, first time poster. Hope you enjoy! I’ve tried to explain most things, and I’ve tried to give rank equivalents in U.S. O- or E- grades for ease of understanding rather than NATO rank.
Setting the scene:
So there I was, (no shit), dressed in field DPM (disruptive pattern material, aka Camo) with a massive bergan (issue rucksack) standing in a frozen field on the moors in February at zero dark early, staring at a map and desperately willing it to make some fucking sense.
My feeble head-torch was looking at the squiggly lines and the surrounding humps of black hills on black fields, with black water running somewhere nearby in the shadowed landscape. I looked around again, as though that would suddenly help it click in my head where the hell we were, and realised that as my team chatted amongst themselves, I was the incompetent junior officer we all joke about who couldn’t read a map properly.
Well fuck.
My First Independent “Command”
There were (fortunately), several factors in my defence. Unfortunately, this didn’t make it any less of a disaster.
My particular brand of muppetry could be explained by the fact that I was:
- A very junior officer in the Royal Navy, and had no business being on land, let alone in uniform with shades of green on it.
- Completely untrained in land navigation, being used to naval charts and calculating wind and tide rather than elevation and map-to-ground.
- In an area I had never been before, with 6 hours notice, in the dark.
- (As it later transpired) 3 miles from where we were supposed to have been dropped off.
I’m going on an adventure!.gif
How did I get here?!
Rewinding just a little more, we find our intrepid 18 year old Midshipman (O-1) busy working on an assignment, safely in his cabin at BRNC Dartmouth. (The UK version of Annapolis, but RN Officer cadets are only there for 6-12 months depending on branch).
A knock comes at the door, and as it opens, with our hero’s divisional officer (Lt, O-3) and his division chief (CPO, E-7) standing there, holding a clipboard.
WorriedFace.gif
OP: Jumps to Attention “Good Evening Sir!”
DO: “Evening Midshipman OP. Relax, sit down”
OP: “Thank you Sir, how can I help?”
DC: Grins “We have a task for you Mid OP”
DO: Barely looking up from clipboard, clearly distracted “Hm? Yes… we have a joint exercise taking place on the moors shortly, and we are expected to send some bodies. I can see you are not on duty for the next few
... keep reading on reddit ➡The spaceport tethered at the top of Earth's space elevator was an absolute hive of activity. Longshoremen worked frantically, transfering weapons, ammunition, vehicles, and supplies from the elevator platform to the fleet's ships. Racing to ensure the platforms were unloaded and on their way back down before the next one arrived. Speed and efficiency were their watchwords.
They had been told the stakes. Shown the footage of previous Krathi atrocities. Every minute wasted was more time for a bunch of innocent xenos to be slaughtered.
And so they worked tirelessly.
As Lieutenant Zhao exited the elevator's passenger compartment, along with the rest of Delta squad, he was awestruck at the sheer feat of logistics occuring in front of them. After a moment though, he shook himself out of it. Standing around being impressed was for people who didn't have important shit to be doing.
He turned toward his squad.
"Alright troopers, we are being assigned to the UNES Fission Trip. Get your gear stowed in barracks A5 and then go help the longshoremen. We need the ship loaded yesterday! Sergeant! Have someone double check our squad isn't missing any gear. I don't want to be loading for drop and discover that we got issued another squad's latrine paper while somebody else got OUR ammo." said Lieutenant Zhao.
"Alright you heard him people! Assholes and elbows! We ain't getting paid by the hour! Corporal Weber! You get to play quartermaster. Don't fuck up, we ain't turning around because somebody forgot their teddy bear!" said the Sergeant.
"Sergeant, one more thing."
"Sir?"
"Have the children fed, watered, and rallied at the barracks by 1600. The fleet's tactical AI is going to be briefing everyone. I'll meet you there."
"Yes sir."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Admiral Walker watched the exterior camera feed from his ready room, observing the ongoing efforts.
Fifty thousand troops, along with their vehicles, gear, and supplies, transported from across the planet, up the orbital elevator, then loaded onto their ships. All in only
... keep reading on reddit ➡Chapter Seven
Aaron sat in the back of the same craft that Erdni rescued him in. He looked at the faces of the marines he spent the last day aboard the Tenet. In addition to the seven large women, two boarding-action qualified crew women of the Tenet joined. Both were fresh-faced junior enlisted - straight out of naval boot camp. The marines were clad in their armor with helmets that vaguely resembled old soviet Altyn helmets, but had small cut outs for their three-inch-long horns to fit through.
Because there was no armor available for Aaron since he was both male and smaller than the average Grenarr woman, he was back in his dust and blood covered plate carrier and battle-belt. When he was still on the Valliance, he asked Erdni on the bridge where she stored his gear, she was displeased to find him as part of the boarding party to say the least. Her concerns were dampened, however, when he told her that he was just securing the LZ, and the marines would handle the clearing of the ship.
Following that, she bade him to the ship’s armory, which was more like a large broom closet stuffed with rifles, pistols, armor, and lastly, his gear. The ship's quartermaster issued him a rifle that, much to his dismay, used surprisingly familiar rounds. When he made a joke about expecting to use laser weapons, the quartermaster had explained that in fact, they do.
The only problem with laser weapons was when they impacted inorganic matter, they had a tendency to overpenetrate, and on a ship with a hull leading to the void of space, that was not a good thing. So for anything involving infantry combat aboard a vessel, they used kinetic ammunition with a small explosive in the tip.
Upon impact, the rounds would detonate, acting much like a very angry hollowpoint to flesh. They inflicted only minor damage to a ship’s walls as the round essentially ripped itself to fragments upon solid impacts.
The rifle was large, but not too heavy. If he had to compare it to a rifle on Earth, the closest comparison he could make is if an SKS, FAL, and an AR had an unholy baby. The fantasy was made complete with his favorite feature: an under-folding bayonet that when fully extended, had a small plasma charge on the furthest few inches which intended it to penetrate armor. Or so he was told.
Sergeant Suruki stood up, looking the team over.
“Alright, listen up!” she shouted as Aaron inspected his rifle a final time.
He familiarized himself with the magazine release, actuating the
... keep reading on reddit ➡Writer's note: This is a bit of a long one. And I'm posting it preemptively because I don't expect to have time to tomorrow. Beware onions and enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When James woke the next morning, he took the book, the glasses, and a pen from his pack downstairs and grabbed some breakfast. Once he'd gotten breakfast, he took it up to the patio that Kela had taken him to back when he'd first gotten here. He sat at a small table, enjoying the tea, toast, eggs, and salted smeplies as he got to work on the book.
The book, as he'd seen before contained several pages of simple nursery rhyme style stories and poems. It also had several pages that went into detail about the kingdom. Nothing too interesting, as he came to find out. Mostly the kind of information that you might find at a welcome center in a brochure. Good info to have, but nothing too groundbreaking either.
He got about a third of the way through the book before getting incredibly bored with it and deciding to actually get to business for the day. He stood up and one of the castle attendants rushed to clear the table before he could even say anything. He returned to his room so he could drop the book and glasses off.
After that he decided to visit Steve, giving him a few chickens to chase, and promising to take him out for a ride later on. Then he paid a visit to Kraug.
Kraug's window was already open when James arrived. The surly quartermaster having already been working with the castle guard for several hours by now. The massive Orc beamed when he saw James get in line, and waved James over. The two guards in line before him turned to regard him and quickly moved out of his way once they saw the green medallion hanging from his neck.
"Oy, hero! How's that armor treatin' ya? Congratulations with the clan by the way. Big accomplishment for a pipsqueak like you." Kraug said, slapping James on the shoulder through the window.
"Hey Kraug." James replied. "Thanks. And the armor's good. It actually works pretty well just over my normal uniform."
"Good to hear. Hey," Kraug pulled him in close, and whispered in his ear. "I heard you and a certain member of da royal family was gettin a lil chummy, eh?"
James's face flushed red. "I don't know what you're talking abo
... keep reading on reddit ➡That's all cards folks. (Turns out that wasn't all cards, folks, I missed 4. Oops.)
Today's New Cards
Flanking Maneuver || 4-Mana || Rare Demon Hunter Spell
>Summon a 4/2 Demon with Rush. If it dies this turn, summon another.
Felfire in the Hole! || 5-Mana || Epic Warlock Spell
>Draw a spell and deal 2 damage to all enemies. If it's a Fel spell, deal 1 more.
>Fel
Wing Commander Mulverick || 4-Mana 2/5 || Legendary Druid Minion
>Rush.
>Your minions have "Honorable Kill: Summon a 2/2 Wyvern with Rush."
Wildpaw Cavern || 4-Mana || Rare Shaman Spell
>At the end of your turn, summon a 3/4 Elemental that Freezes. Lasts 3 turns.
Windchill || 1-Mana || Common Shaman Spell
>Freeze a minion. Draw a card.
>Frost
Shivering Sorceress || 1-Mana 2/2 || Common Mage Minion
>Battlecry: Reduce the Cost of the highest Cost spell in your hand by (1).
Wildpaw Gnoll || 5-Mana 4/5 || Rare Rogue Minion
>Rush
>Costs (1) less for each card you've added to your hand from another class.
Seeds of Destruction || 2-Mana || Rare Warlock Spell
>Shuffle four Rifts into your deck. They summon a 3/3 Dread Imp when drawn.
>Fel
Korrak the Bloodrager || 4-Mana 3/5 || Legendary Neutral Minion
>Deathrattle: If this wasn't Honorably Killed, resummon Korrak.
Shield Shatter || 10-Mana || Rare Warrior Spell
>Deal 5 damage to all minions. Costs (1) less for each Armor you have.
>Frost
Vitality Surge || 2-Mana || Common Paladin Spell
>Draw a minion. Restore Health to your hero equal to its Cost.
>Holy
Pride Seeker || 3-Mana 2/4 || Rare Druid Minion
>Battlecry: Your next Choose One card costs (2) less.
**[Humongous Owl]
... keep reading on reddit ➡Lotta talking in this one. Placed in u/KyleKKent's universe
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A week later
Bruce breezed into the lab where Ray was working. “Hey dude, long time no see.”
Ray turned from the hologram of an arm he was working on. “Oh hi Bruce.” He frowned. “Has it been a long time?”
“Yeah, between Sergeant Williams finding out that I don’t have much to do until the limbs are ready and Isha and Ashi wanting attention, I’ve been a bit busy. Sorry dude.”
Ray pulled out his communicator and slid over to the calendar. “Huh, it’s been a week since our meeting with Dr Gear. How about that.”
Bruce gave Ray a concerned look. “You have been eating and sleeping enough, right?”
“Yes, Susan has been reminding me to do so.”
“How is she doing? Ever find out the reason for her syntho-boobs?”
Ray lit up. “Oh she’s doing fine. Hasn’t told me she’s not, at least. I’m pretty sure she knows that she would need to tell me. As for her artificial breasts, you know how women here get more, uh” Ray made the huge-tracts-of-land gesture “when they get a lot of food? Well, Susan had an interesting genetic quirk where her off switch didn’t work. For her breasts at least.”
“Uh, dude.”
Ray continued on, oblivious to Bruce’s growing discomfort. “Once she got old enough, her breasts started growing and well, just didn’t stop. It took quite a while for her family to go from jealous to concerned, and by then her breasts were, and I quote ‘Ridiculously large.’ Considering the ‘normal’ sizes around here, they were very large.”
“Oi. Dude.”
Ray started walking around the lab, gesturing animatedly. “Anyways, they took her to a gene therapist who identified the damaged gene and fixed it up. But getting her breasts reduced in size was something they couldn’t afford, and the therapist told them they would return to a normal size over time. Long story short, they didn’t. The best guess is that when the therapist ‘fixed’ the gene, she managed to set her current size as the default.”
“Hey!”
“So after spending over a decade with breasts large enough that they were get
... keep reading on reddit ➡Fractured in Alterac Valley - Launches December 7th, 2021
Official Twitter Announcement and
Cinematic trailer
Official News Announcement and 21.8 Patch Notes
New Keyword: Honorable Kill
Deal exact lethal damage to an enemy to get a bonus!
Also works on friendly minions
Confirmed by Associate designer Leo Robles on twitter
Choose Your Faction, Claim Your Leader
Next time you log in to Hearthstone, you will get to choose between Horde and Alliance! Your choice comes with a different free Golden Legendary ahead of the expansion. Joining the Horde will instantly get you the mighty Drek’Thar, of the Frostwolf clan! Those who aid the Alliance will instantly receive the stout Vanndar Stormpike, leader of the Stormpike Dwarves!
Fight for Honor and Battle for Alterac Valley!
After the expansion launches, from December 7 to January 11, all players will compete for Honor in order to receive even more free rewards and to claim ultimate victory for their faction! You gain Honor by playing and winning during the eligible period:
- 10 Honor for every game played
- 10 more Honor for every game won (20 total)
- 20 more Honor for every game won versus an opponent from the enemy faction (40 total)
Honor can be gained in Traditional, Arena, and Duels Modes. As you gain Honor, you climb the ranks within your faction and progress a Legendary Quest chain that takes you through the Alterac Valley battlefields and rewards cards from the expansion! All players who complete the Quest chain will receive the same total end rewards,
... keep reading on reddit ➡First of the Death's Heralds - 3 A Shroud of Hell
______
Sergeant Wilkes checked his gun repeatedly. He hated the time before battle, the waiting, the vulnerable moment before they reach solid ground. "Who's the bastards around this rock?"
"The Ladirotok, an entire species subjugated by the Hikor," another marine, Michael Greene, summarized a six page report in nine words.
Wilkes hummed in response, not caring for the details. "Alright, touchdown in eight seconds."
The torpedo slammed into a cruiser in orbit of Kyphax, the Ladirotok homeworld. They flooded the area with gas, unchanged as no one knew what it would do to the Ladirotok and fleet command didn't want to take chances with the unknown.
"This ship is radio silent! Three go to the engine room in the aft, the rest to the bow with me."
The ship was incredibly narrow, leaving it with one corridor going down the entire ship. This means that all crew would likewise be along that straight line and easy to subdue. One room at a time, they kicked in doors and sought out crew which were in hiding. The first few compartments were devoid of crew though.
By the time they were half way to the front of the ship, Wilkes found their first Ladirotok. "Contact!" He sent a cloud of painful gas into the room, blasting the target in the hopes of avoiding using his more lethal weapons. The arthropodal alien fell backwards, wheezing for air. Wilkes motioned for someone to take the alien into custody and they moved on. The rest of the rooms leading up to the front were also empty of crew, but Wilkes heard commotion behind the doors to the bridge.
So breach protocol one then, he placed a small blasting charge in front of the door and backed up five meters. When everyone else was behind reasonable cover, he pressed the remote button, "breach!" The door was knocked forward and fell to the ground, revealing eight Ladirotok and a Hikor captain.
Greene charged in, leaving a trail of smoke as gas emanated from his armor. Wilkes and the others followed behind, axes out to avoid shooting the communications panel that they were after. "Captain down!" Greene shouted as the Hikor captain breathed too deeply, falling to its knees and coughing, eventually coughing up blood onto the floor.
The Ladirotok were sturdier though, fighting back against the boarding party. Wilkes b
... keep reading on reddit ➡Why?
Edit: The Tierlist is now also live inside the heartharena.com/app :
https://preview.redd.it/vml0ympe86481.png?width=1500&format=png&auto=webp&s=242aa7267519cb564f4c6dca0fb7cb43e5ece5ab
Hello Arena players,
We are both happy and proud to share our tier list scores for all 125 Alteric Valley cards that will be draftable in the Arena as soon as the expansion goes live. As with previous expansions, a dedicated team discussed the cards in great detail. It’s a joint effort and we hope that by putting so much arena experience together, we can minimize bias and the amount of misses that are common during card evaluations. As always, it's our goal to review the statistics within the first week after the set’s release. This may lead to an early hotfix if it turns out that we were wrong about the rating of one or more cards.
Once the expansion goes live the Hearthstone Arena Tier List will be updated. Until then you can get a full picture of the Upcoming HearthArena Tier List. If you prefer a short overview, here are some of our top picks.
Our highest rated neutral Fractured in Alterac Valley cards:
| Card | Rarity | Score |
|---|---|---|
| Abominable Lieutenant | Epic | 109 |
| Ivus, the Forest Lord | Legendary | 100 |
| Lokholar the Ice Lord | Legendary | 91 |
| Knight-Captain | Common | 87 |
| Bunker Sergeant | Common | 85 |
| Troll Centurion | Common | 82 |
| Spammy Arcanist | Epic | 78 |
| Ram Commander | Common | 76 |
| Korrak the Bloodrager | Legendary | 72 |
| Piggyback Imp | Common | 71 |
| Corporal | Common | 71 |
| Blood Guard | Common | 70 |
| Frantic Hippogryph | Common | 67 |
| Tower Sergeant | Common | 64 |
| Kobold Taskmaster | Rare | 63 |
| Snowblind Harpy | Rare | 62 |
| Sneaky Scout | Common | 61 |
| Ice Revenant | Common | 61 |
| Direwolf Commander | Common | 60 |
| Stormpike Marshal | Rare | 58 |
| Gnome Private | Common | 57 |
| Popsicooler | Epic | 55 |
| Gankster | Common | 52 |
| Icehoof Protector | Common | 52 |
| Frostwolf Warmaster | Rare | 45 |
| Drek'Thar | Legendary | 44 |
| Humongous Owl | Common | 44 |
| Herald of Lokholar | Common | 44 |
| Vanndar Stormpike | Legendary | 44 |
| Reflecto Engineer | Common | 41 |
| Legionnaire | Common | 40 |
| Stormpike Quartermaster | Common | 40 |
| Grimtotem Bounty Hunter | Epic | 39 |
| Irondeep Trogg | Rare | 37 |
| Frozen Mammoth | Epic | 8 |
Our highest rated Fractured in Alterac Valley class cards:
| Class | Top 3 cards |
|---|---|
| Demon Hunter | Flanking Maneuver (88), Battleworn Vanguard (86), Field of Strife (65). |
| Druid | Clawfury Adept (92), Dire Frostwolf (90), W |
Chapter 3 is here! This turned out longer than Reddit permits, so chapter 4 will include the material that was otherwise meant for chapter 3.
Previous chapters can be found below.
Enjoy!
===
In the auxiliary attaché resident quarters, something stirred. Though located at the top of the female accommodation tower within the Seventh Lance Regiment’s fortress-barracks, and commanding an exquisite view over the marshalling yard, the lack of diplomatic outreach conducted by the famed First Legion had seen the room fall into disuse. While spacious and well provisioned with furniture, the bedding offered was of the standard basitin military size, six-by-three feet. From recruit to general, some things remained a constant in the life of any career soldier. Salaries may vary, and indeed the offers of the mess hall improved dramatically with rank, the bedding afforded during any stay in military quarters was standardised across the whole empire. Six-by-three feet, and not an inch more.
Three such cots were in use, pushed together to provide for a single bed twice the width and thrice the length of the rather diminutive standard. The slumbering figure, sprawled out across the three mattresses and buried in half a dozen blankets, slowly grumbled herself awake. The call to reveille had sounded out across the military district, loudly blared from innumerate battlements just as the first rays of morning light were slowly filtering their way in through the ceiling-high windows. No curtains had been drawn, for none had been mounted. It was expected that during daylight hours, one was awake and performing their duty.
And where bugle and sunlight had failed, a resounding knock upon the door finally roused the sleeping basitin.
“Captain!” came the cry, along with a few further knocks.
“Hmmmm, m-morning already?”
“Yep!” the voice replied. “Mess hall in fifteen minutes, Captain! Commander will have both our tails if you’re late to morning inspection again!”
The pile of blankets shifted. “Don’t you work for me? Just. . . just give me five more minutes. . .”
The door burst open. Locks were considered an obnoxious impediment to the fostering of bonds of camaraderie, and as such the small female was offered no barrier in pushing her way into the room. Smartly presented in her battledress, she looked the part of a typical soldier of the Eastern Basitin Empi
... keep reading on reddit ➡Bata ran.
Cursing himself under his breath, he kept low to the ground. Little more than a shadow flitting from tree to tree. His wide fur-covered paws were soaked from the sky-water pouring down, his short tufted tail tucked between his legs.
As he slid down the side of a ravine, his trousers ripped along the left leg. His shirt, caught on a stray stone, tore through the back. He paid no heed, focused only on putting as much distance between himself and the outpost as possible.
He clutched desperately to the small loaf of bread held between his large forepaws. The wax container bearing the imperial seal was still intact, protecting his prize from being ruined, yes, but also marking him as a thief. He would need to eat it soon.
The soldiers would be closing in on him any minute. The quartermaster had seen, rousing the barracks before Bata could get out of the compound.
Splashing along the ravine floor, Bata's flattened ears perked up. The thudding of boots could be heard in the distance. Fresh fear flowed through his veins, forcing him into a mad scramble up the ravine's sheer stone surface. His lungs protested while his claws dug in, driving his body forward.
As he cleared the mantle of the cliff he stopped, stooping down to catch his breath. With the loaf tucked under one arm, he steadied himself with the other across his knee fighting for air to fill his lungs. Shouting could be heard behind, but his strength was at an end. Already he had run for many miles, trying to give his pursuers the slip to no avail.
Surveying the land ahead, his hope was answered. Just a short distance from the ravine was a small homestead, seemingly abandoned. If he could reach it quickly, he might just be able to hide himself away before the patrol caught up.
He summoned the last of his strength to his legs, sprinting full-tilt towards the house. Just as he reached the clearing his heart sank. Lights had come on inside, and something was moving past the windows. As he ran, Bata knew his only chance was to beg whoever was inside for safe passage. Climbing the steps to the door in a few short bounds, he quickly knocked on the door.
Silence.
He knocked again, nervously craning his neck to watch the woodline behind him. He heard the crashing of branches and angry voices just out of sight. Just then heavy footsteps sounded from within and the door swung open. Bata swung his head around and was greeted with a strange sight.
A human? And a large one at that. Gray and brown
... keep reading on reddit ➡Did you know that the University of Alberta raised two different contingents of staff and students to contribute to the First World War? Not only was this done with the strong support and active participation of University President Henry Marshall Tory, but dozens of the students and staff who went overseas would never return home. Today, I will tell you the story of XI Canadian Field Ambulance (Western Universities), and the 196th (Western Universities) Battalion.
It was early 1916. Canada had been at war with the Central Powers for almost two years. As a result, Canada had already lost thousands of men killed, wounded and captured. Canada’s military had already seen recruitment numbers which vastly overshot earlier predictions, which was a significant achievement for a nation of only eight million people. However, more men were constantly needed to replace those who were claimed by the ever-churning meat grinder that was the Western Front. Representatives from the University of Manitoba visited the University of British Columbia, University of Alberta, and University of Saskatchewan in December 1915 to lobby for the creation of a battalion that would allow students and staff to serve their country while retaining their collective identities. University of Alberta President Henry Marshall Tory hosted the organizational committee, which was composed of representatives from the aforementioned universities, as they sorted through the specific details of how this proposed battalion would be formed. These meetings led to the creation of two new units in early 1916: XI Canadian Field Ambulance (Western Universities), and the 196th (Western Universities) Battalion.
Local recruitment for XI Canadian Field Ambulance began in March 1916, with the men sharing space in Assiniboia Hall with the recruits for the 196th (Western Universities) Battalion (which will be further discussed in the next section). At night, the men of XI Canadian Field Ambulance would sleep on the floors in Athabasca Hall. They were led by Dr. Herber Havelock Moshier, a Professor of Physiology at the UofA, who chose Sergeant John Ralph Hammond (formerly a second-year medical student) to support him in enforcing discipline and supporting the new recruits. One notable recruit was a bricklayer and Superintendent of Residences who would go on to work for the University of Alberta until his retirement in 1960: Reg Lister. In total, at least 36 Edmonton men, including staff and students from the Uo
... keep reading on reddit ➡There is nothing like being stuck in a ship together for what might be forever to really bring a group of people together...
Or not...
The rest of this series can be found here
***
Humming a happy tune, Gloria skipped into the ship’s maintenance area.
“Hi, Chief,” she said in a cute happy voice.
“Hi, Gloria,” the chief replied as he waved one of his wide leathery, frond-like hands. “Still have no idea what your ship is made out of.”
“Me neither,” Gloria giggled (giggled!), “But I’m here for something else. Do you have any titanium plate laying around.”
“I have some on the rack,” the chief replied as he reached for his plasma cutter. “How much do you need.”
“Oh, don’t go cutting our stock,” she said happily, “Do you have any off-cuts or anything?”
“How big?”
“I’m not picky,” Gloria said cheerfully, “Something about like this,” she added gesturing with her hands.
“This work?” the chief said as he rooted around a little and pulled out a dinner-tray sized piece of Titanplate.
“That’s perfect!” Gloria purred as she accepted the piece of armor plating and tucked it under her arm. “Thanks, Chief!”
She happily skipped away.
After she left, the intercom light switched on.
“You just gave it to her?” Bunny asked dubiously.
“You’re goddamn right I did!” the Chief replied as he returned to what he was doing, “I’m not feeling especially suicidal at the moment.”
He winced. He should NOT have said that.
“Have you been feeling suicidal of late?” Bunny asked.
“No Bunny,” he sighed, “I have NOT been feeling remotely self-harmy at all!”
“I only ask because I care,” Bunny replied, “well, that and because—“
“I TOLD you that temporary restriction of a Kalesh’s oxygen intake prolongs and increases the intensity of orgasms! I was just harvesting tubers you invasive FUCK! I was holding a ‘dead man’s switch’ and everything! Would you PLEASE just drop it!”
“Ok,” Bunny replied, “but you do know that if you ever need to talk to someone I’m here.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” the Chief exclaimed. “How about you just watch me jerk off like you always do and raise the alarm if my vitals get too low?”
“Deal!” Bunny exclaimed cheerfully, “I’ll even help if you want me to!”
“What?!?”
Bunny burst out into laughter.
“Not funny!” the Chief laughed because it was, in fact, funny.
“Seriously though,” Bunny said, “you could add wireless to that dead man’s switch…”
“That actually
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
The doctor says it terminal.
He lost May
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
Official Card List - Reveal Chart - Imgur Album - Bold Prediction Form -Pre-Release Discussion Discord Server
November 24th:
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To the Front! - [DT](https://redd.it
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
