What do Abraham Lincoln biographies and Instagram promoters have in common?

Lincoln bio.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emagdaleno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?

SeΓ±ority

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxas1011
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a promotion at the crematorium.

My boss told me I urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgejano11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matdave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.

I am a branch manager.

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Sorry for self promotion.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2JZ_LUV
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
They sure do know how to promote lol
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rudymex2003
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
They sure do know how to promote lol
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rudymex2003
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Devil puns anyone? Lol also promoting Lucifer huhu can’t wait
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJSaporno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My local bakery has a martial arts promotion going on

They allow you to take-one-dough.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/t3hl34d3r
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was wondering if this group could help me come up with puns for my husbands promotion watch. It’s an omega speedmaster. He loves puns and I am truest bad at them.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pellersheila
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Shameless self-promotion
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EdenSteden22
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I called my friend to tell him about my big promotion and how it comes with a lot of new responsibilities now that I'm running the business. He asked what my new job was and how I was holding up.

I told him "I'm generally managing"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shantron5000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?

Thank you for your cervix.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saxtrav
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got promoted to general manager at the aquarium!

I'm going to have a corner offish and everything!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...

I am now a counter-terrorism officer.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/E420CDI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer

The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My buddy Jesus got promoted to a supervisory position and I got to choose the music for his promotion party.

I went with "Your Own Personnel Jesus"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KatLikeGaming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a real nice vendor at a farmer's market, he was promoting this.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/megabits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I was all set to celebrate my promotion at work when my son came home and said he was voted king of his class...

He really reigned on my parade.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I may get fired or promoted... not sure...

My boss was complaining she really needed a nap. I told her she should just go take one.

Boss "Oh yeah cause taking a nap right now would be so easy."

Me "Its so easy you can do it with your eyes closed..."

Cue her rolling her eyes and shaking her head. My director peaked his head out and nodded approvingly though. Respect.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I got a promotion at the ladder company

You could say I’m stepping up in the world.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody give a promotion to the person writing these descriptions.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomHopeless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A French guy was telling his American friend how he just had got a promotion...

"Nice" - the American guy said. Then the French guy replied:

"What does my hometown has to do with it?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gigadude17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
An online community promoting men's sexual health called, "testismonials"
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/muskan92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a big promotion! I'm now the Electronic Innovation and Entertainment Information Officer for Elderly McDonald's Agricultural Enterprises.

I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nesogra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the milk bottle get a promotion?

Because it was a liter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/H_crassicornis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Whole Foods is using anime to promote healthy snacks for kids.

Their first product is 'My Hero Macadamia.'

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
It's safe to assume that, once someone rises to the rank of Colonel, they will continue to be promoted.

Though I guess that's just a generalization.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DthAlchemist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadDentalWork
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PRousse
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aarace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was out standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatfletch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scarecrow who got promoted?

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NofarDCohen42
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MARKHENRY88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Because he was outstanding in his field......

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBlue08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was outstanding in his field!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viking2fi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the waitress get promoted?

She brought a lot to the table.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diznogame
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field ⭐

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isaikumar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

Cause he was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverWaters793
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was scarecrow promoted?

He was outstanding in the field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apoorvm91
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.