If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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My brother has been making amazing chicken on the grill for as long as I can remember.

I’d say he’s a seasoned pro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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I was watching Across the Universe and got thinking about how much each actor made

I’m sure Dr. Robert did it pro Bono, though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cathbad09
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Why does U2 never have to pay any of their laywers?

Because they are all Pro Bono.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Professor_Stank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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After seeing a dead bird I had to tell my 4 year old what it means.

I said it Δ­t : pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.

pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dumbstupidhuman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.

Pro deuce

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Why can't you have a directory called con?

Because it's better to have pros

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qiwas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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All these protests....

I get being anti-homework but how can you be pro-tests?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iTzbr00tal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Are all cases U2's lawyer does...

... Pro Bono?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/claymountain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?

A pro-grammer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Yes! I support nouns

I'm pro nouns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alkedi44
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What’s a lawyer’s least favorite cheese?

Pro-vlono

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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What do you call a software engineer who was an English teacher?

A pro-grammar

Was told by a friend's father!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Did you hear about the seafood restaurant that will give you calamari in exchange for money?

They practice squid pro quo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crotalis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My housemate had a chicken Kiev for dinner last night.

I had to warn him that I had a chicken pro-Russian separatist in the freezer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:

Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady

Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Spider-Man offered to give me spidey powers to invent new quips for him.

I guess you could call it a quip pro quo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Did you hear about the cephalopod that returned the favor?

It was your classic case of Squid Pro Quo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Potential storage loft for salaried athletes’ prosthetics is in question:

...could be pro-limb-attic!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?

The Basque Pro Shop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Thinking about moving to Switzerland.

Coming up with pros and cons. To start out, the flag is a big plus...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFishmanau
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.

So we did it squid pro quo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Why do hamburgers love young people?

They're pro-teen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0rs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer

Everything he did was pro Bono

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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Going to prison..

Has it's pros and cons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Luck rituals in the Australian Open.

I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.

I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.

Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."

He just smiled...

...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrianBoyko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Every dog is a therapy dog...

Most just do it pro-bone-o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/readergirl132
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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What’s so bad about fruit being made in factories?

They’re mass pro-duced

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2019inchnails
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I just got off the phone with a professor in China. He says it's not worth getting Covid-19

As they are expecting to release Covid-20 Pro in September.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PIGG-E
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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I hear that white collar prison isn't bad...

It has its pros and its cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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What type of medical condition excites politicians?

Pro-state cancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Why do chickens like 13-19 year olds?

Because they're pro-teen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I’m starting to make a robot that has a really high words per minute.

He’s a pro-to-type.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.

Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Why don't dog lawyers make any money?

Because they are pro bone-O.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlantaBanana
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Dad jokes at the dinner table
  • Me: Decides to be adventurous at dinner, orders pasta with squid ink
  • My dad: β€œMy dinner is delicious, you should try some”
  • Me: β€œOnly if you try a bite of this pasta, it’s really good too”
  • My dad, who rarely tells jokes, starts smiling: β€œSo you’re suggesting a... squid pro quo?”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whysomanyemmas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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I spent the weekend building my 1st foot-manipulated keyboard for the office.

It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.

I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brousch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What are the Pros and Cons of having a Switch?

A Pro controller and Joy Cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Who would win in a fight. Athletes or Prisoners?

It's hard to say, they have their pros and their cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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What do you call a lawyer who only works for certain monkeys?

Pro bonobo

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/draadhaai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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Pros and Cons of making food

Pros: Food

Cons: Making

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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What type of disease are politicians afraid of?

Pro-state cancer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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