Pollution of the Ganges Puns

Go for the juggler.

The police track them to a motel, but can't narrow it down further. They call the judge and he writes out a warrant to search room #8 at the motel. Police break down the door and arrest the gang of cows with the stash.

Later the police captain calls the judge, "Your honor, how did you know where the gang would be hiding?"

Judge says, "It's easy Captain. Cows always room in 8".

Go for the juggler.

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

The Yakoozie!

"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."

Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now

The Police believe they’re still at large.

Because Lisa Kudrow.

Thankfully he quacked under the pressure...

A hummingbird.

But I won’t letter!

Mentos

It's night.

This is the last straw.

A buttocks.

I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it

It was the hardest dump I ever took

They went away empty handed, the steaks were to high.

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."

But another person said,

"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"

The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.

....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.

They’re called the Aller G’s

I’m board.

is between 7 and 9, average and mean.

The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.

After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said “Look sheriff we are all too tired, why don’t you guys rest up here and I’ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I can’t find us some grub?, I’ll be back by morning”

The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.

The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says “where the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!”

Deputy says “well you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god there’s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!”

“Bullshit!” Says the sheriff “you stay here I’m going to check this out!”

So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.

The next morning the deputy see’s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.

Deputy says to the sheriff “ Boss what the hell happened!”

The sheriff looks up from the ground and says “BACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasn’t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!”

I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.

The pupils....they dilate.

He really raised the bar on that one

A happy uncle.

He wanted to pass with flying colors.

I thought of that myself.

An evergreen

I said: ‘Is that a fret?'

K9P

He’ll come around eventually.

First I was afraid, I was petrified

I'm looking forward to seeing Arrgghh-2-D2.

A Thor foot.

Towels