I was at a meeting, standing, when someone offered me a place to sit. I politely declined and said
"I don't accept charity."
A recruitment agency phoned me up. 'Can you tell me what your ideal position is?' asked the woman, very politely.
Apparently, 'legs up on the sofa' wasn't the answer she was looking for.
My political puns are tariffable.
Political pun: What does it look like when a government contractor flies the coop?
The Trump White House is so polite these days.
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
Which is the most polite food in the world?
Politics is the most accurate word in the English language
Poly = many.
Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
I usually stay out of politics, but - and this is a big but - ...
>!https://imgur.com/xDwJi0C!<
I don’t like discussing North and South in polite company.
I find those topics to be quite polarizing.
Credit to @comicsbyandy for this political cartoon that also has a pun
https://preview.redd.it/juu01g2we3s51.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=363c4e4cc3b0dd44ac8193dcdb74ee01bc854813
Since his political career is almost over the US vice president is starting his own soda company.
It's called Pence-a-cola.
I got a warning message from a mod saying “my jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”
I replied saying “let the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”
What's the new hip political ideology?
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
Among all the politically incorrect jokes I know, here’s my favourite:
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest US President.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What bacteria like to have political meetings?
What kind of a prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in a year?
I'm pretty far on the left politically but I'm not involved in any activism
How do you get a demon to wipe the condensation off your windshield?
Just ask him politely with a sqouija board.
I dont want political comments. Just enjoy the pun
The problem with political jokes...
They sometimes get elected.
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...
Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.
What does Ariana Grande say to her boyfriend when breaking up on Thanksgiving?
I used to understand politics like the back of my hand
But now I dont know my left from my right
I’ve just had a very polite drink.
It was mostly cordial.
Just a quick apology to those Take That fans I offended earlier.
Whatever I said, whatever I did
I didn't mean it.
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
What do anti-police protesters use to move around in New York City?
A cab
(It came to mind and I have no wish for it to be political)
At a nudist camp a couple were sitting discussing politics.
The lady asked "have you read Marx?"
"Yes" the man replied, "I think they're from the wicker chairs."
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?
That they're politicool...
Im biased but i think its genius
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