βͺWhy canβt 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesnβt have flash
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︎ Jan 01 2021
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 29 2021
I put a picture of myself in a locket...
You could say, I'm Independent.
π︎ 105
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︎ Dec 15 2020
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
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︎ Aug 02 2020
I asked my wife about a ballerina in a picture who looked familiar. She said it was Anna Pavlova.
I said I thought her face rang a bell.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
The day my daughter turns 18, Iβm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
βWell, I guess now you really areβ¦ independent"
π︎ 60
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︎ Oct 29 2020
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
Just to remind me why there's no money in there.
π︎ 24
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︎ Dec 10 2020
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
What do you call a rival in picture taking?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2020
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
π︎ 119
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︎ Aug 30 2020
How do you take school pictures in 2020?
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 01 2020
My partner said that I looked constipated in our pictures
I was tryna hold my shit together
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 09 2020
This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture... I told her Iβm just looking for matches.
π︎ 13k
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︎ Jul 13 2019
A rare picture of ground in its natural habitat
π︎ 21
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A buddy of mine has a new hobby where he dresses up salmon in tiny outfits and takes pictures of them.
He says its like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Iβve nether seen that Notch puns in one picture
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 28 2020
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 01 2019
In the Disney animated picture, Ratatouille, Remy controls Linguini actions by pulling his hair, giving him a perfect palette. The little chefβs squeak is the only other voice Linguini ever really hears at home.
I guess you could say Remy is Linguiniβs voice of season
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 11 2020
There has been some good news today as a plus-size clairvoyant announces they are releasing a charity calendar, with pictures of them in their underwear.
Fans of the psychic say that they are looking forward to seeing a large medium in smalls.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 08 2020
i went to the doctor's woth my parents, and found out i have tapeworms in my stomach. the doctor showed us some pictures of tapeworms. and both my parents fainted.
i guess ive got a stomach for it
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︎ Jun 14 2020
I was walking in the Himalayan mountains when a hairy creature came into view. I was about to snap a picture but it said, "do not take a picture of me at this moment."
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 23 2020
I put a picture of my daughter in a titanium locket necklace
I wanted her to be strong and independent
π︎ 37
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︎ Dec 18 2019
So I asked my brother why he was wearing glasses in his new profile picture.
He replied, "because I wanted to look sharp".
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 28 2020
Comments under a post about first picture of a person dying in an electric chair.
π︎ 137
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︎ Apr 12 2019
A pun-chain about a picture of horses in a plane
π︎ 250
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︎ Apr 24 2019
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.
Itβs created a real division in our home.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 20 2020
I just figured out why BeyoncΓ©βs hair is always blowing in every picture.
It is because she has so many fans.
π︎ 244
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︎ Apr 14 2019
My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while he is in the shower.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 04 2019
Tap in the picture
π︎ 14
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︎ Aug 10 2019
I put my clothes in the washing machine yesterday and all of them came out with a picture of Santa on it.
I shouldnβt have used the Yule Tide Detergent.
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 24 2019
This picture is βA maze inβ
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 24 2019
What do you call a picture of a weight-lifting woman in a locket?
A strong independent woman.
π︎ 10
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︎ Oct 20 2019
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.
He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
If you put a picture of yourself in a locket...
You could say youβre independent.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I bought my daughter a locket and put her picture in it.
π︎ 56
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.
I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 04 2020
I bought my daughter a locket and put her picture in it.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 20 2018
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 13 2018
My son turned 18 today so I bought him a locket and put his picture in it...
I guess you could say I wanted him to be independent!
π︎ 366
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︎ Aug 06 2019
When a man's daughter turned 18 today, so he bought her a locket and put her picture in it.
As he gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, he said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
...independent!"
π︎ 27
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︎ Nov 19 2019
My friend is weirdly addicted to taking blurry pictures of him in the shower.
He has serious selfie steam issues.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
If you put a picture of yourself in a locket...
You could say youβre independent
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 07 2019
Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my picture in it. Guess I really am
π︎ 700
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︎ Oct 03 2016
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