Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?

It's members are

Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch

... And George Harrison.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iMakeCrap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I worked with this guy Rob once...

...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.

He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.

"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSNhova
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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SLogan Paul

If Logan Paul was an activist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bipolarbear1797
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What does someone with a boner obsession call the French Grand Prix

Circuit Paul Dickhard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlfaRomeoFanatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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A father was laying on his deathbed...

β€œMary, my wife, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, dearest.”

β€œAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?” β€œYes, I am, Paul, I’m here with you.”

β€œAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?” β€œYes, yes we are, daddy!” β€œThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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If RuPaul had a cooking show

Would it be called RouxPaul?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SynthRysing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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John: I failed my first indigenous Australian music exam

Paul: Well didgeridoo it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jedispartan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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They say one in four people are homosexual, which is weird because I have three best friends, all guys. Makes me wonder which one of us would be gay.

I hope It's Paul. He's cute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...

They were less Paul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/envengpe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Who would’ve made a great podiatrist?

Paul Bunyan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReineDeTaBite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I’m always robbing Peter to pay Paul.

I guess that makes me a re-Pete offender.

Sorry if you’re a-Pauled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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Jesus said "come forth and receive eternal life"

But Paul came fifth and got a toaster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkTheBag112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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What do you call a vlogger who comes up with mottos?

Slogan Paul

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Paul the chemist makes a bad pun

Paul's friends: dipole

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My friend Izzy wanted to furnish her new apartment, so I took her to furniture store owned by 3 carpenters, all named Paul.

Two of them were still apprentices and learning the trade, but the third was a master at the craft and was also my friend. They were currently busy in the workshop working on a set of great wooden letters which spelled "BEAST". "Is your friend Paul the one working on the misshapen B?" Izzy asked. "Nope, that's not him.", I replied. "So is it the one working on the crooked E?"she responded. "Most certainly not!" I answered. I finally saw him and exclaimed, "On ST is the best Paul, Izzy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Today my son asked "Can you grab the bookmark?"

Absolute idiot. He's 13 and still doesn't know my name is paul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bassicallybob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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My dad said this

Why didn’t the Asian kid get a high 5, because Logan Paul left him hanging

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swift-Livid-on-YT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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The Water Beatles have a show later today, you want to come?

They’re the band with Ringo Starrfish, Paul McCalimaritney, Prawn Harrison, and John Lemon Sole.

My favourite is Paul, he plays the sea bass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/W-eye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Channeling The Beatles

So my wife and eldest daughter are in the dining room and I’m in the kitchen. They are talking about parking a car at school, and getting the ticket that allows this from the office. I step into the room:

Me: β€œYou guys are talking about a ticket to park?”

Kid: β€œYeah”

Me: β€œBut I thought Paul McCartney said it was a ticket to ride...”

Wife: β€œShut up dear”

I look at the kid and point to my wife:

β€œShe don’t care.....”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trazom28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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After God changed Saul’s name, he stood there in shock

You could say he was a Paul’ed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littlegirlhehe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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Did you know that Art Garfunkel is short for Arthur Garfunkel?

And Paul Simon is short for a man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghespen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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This is just a list of 50 famous people but if they were birds.
  • George Washwington
  • Leonarcrow da Vinci
  • Eagle Allen Poe
  • Harry S. Toucan
  • Teddy Dodosevelt
  • Charles Duckens
  • Octavian Owlgustus
  • Flysaac Newton
  • Benchicken Franklin
  • Gullysses S. Grant
  • Vincent Van Goose
  • John Lhawk
  • Charlecrane
  • Pengthoven
  • Nikquaila Tesla
  • Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
  • Charles Darwren
  • Rheasus Christ
  • Broodha
  • King Loony XIV
  • Nenepoleon Bonaparte
  • Mahootma Gandhi
  • Winstint Churchill
  • Genghis Swan
  • Pladove
  • Aleggsander the Great
  • Paul the Apostail
  • Lark Twain
  • Dante Aliturkey
  • Michelangswallow
  • Cardinal Marx
  • Albatross Lincoln
  • Robin E. Lee
  • Adolf Swiftler
  • Alextanager Hamilton
  • Ibis Presley
  • Ronald Raven
  • Arnestotle
  • Emuhammad
  • Sir Francis Beakon
  • Tchaikovskylark
  • Christfowler Columbus
  • Finchard Nixon
  • Henry VIII
  • Albert Einstork
  • Thomas Jayfferson
  • William Shrikespeare
  • Woodcock Wilson
  • King Chorioles I of England
  • Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captbodgers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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My dad's name is Paul.

Whenever anyone says "I'm appalled!" around him, he says "No, I'm a Paul, you're a [insert name here]."

e.g. Kim: "I'm appalled!" Paul: "No, I'm a Paul. You're a Kim."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LifeIsTheFuture
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
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I have a tattoo of the Scottish flag on my arm. Step dad is in Scotland.

Step dad texts me this morning

"Hey Paul, they really love you over here in Scotland, they show your tattoo everywhere!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/12VFanatic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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Dadjoked my G/F during Furious Seven (Spoiler Alert!)

Right at the end of the first chase scene where Paul Walker is running on top of the bus and Michelle Rodriguez spins her car around for him to grab the rear, I turned and said (quietly):

"They showed that in the trailers, talk about your.....spoilers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KungFooGrip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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Every time an angel gets its Wings,

Paul McCartney gets a royalty check

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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Jason Pierre-Paul

Speaking to my co-worker about Jason Pierre-Paul's disturbing firework incident to which he responds "yeah, he really blew it."

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Have you seen your mom's bunions?

They're so big I started calling them "Pauls"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fecaltornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
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A joke my dad made this weekend at the Alabama/Tennessee football game...

We decided to visit the Paul. W Bryant Museum before the game. The museum is essentially just a building full of the history of Alabama college football including National Championship trophies and all that. I happened to notice that there were lots of Tennessee fans walking around the museum as well which seemed a bit odd to me.

Me: Dad, why are there so many Tennessee fans walking around in here? It seems strange.

Dad: Well son, they want to see what a trophy looks like.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTeamJosh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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Dads working together.

I work with another dad, and all day we trade off dad jokes cracking each other up. This one is from yesterday

Paul (the other dad) was asking about a new fixture we had at work. it was explained it was a highly sensitive camera used to test the polarity of magnets. I then came around the corner and Paul wanted to tell me about it.

Paul: "This is a new thing from Ancestry.com. I can stand by it and it will tell me what percentage Polish I am"

Me: Wow, although I have a similar thing right inside of me. My stomach can tell me how Hungry I am!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kendred13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2015
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Every time i say i'm hungry.

me: i'm hungry

dad: i'm paul, how do you do?

not our real names i know how reddit works ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edwardh21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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Paul Ryan Puns

Paul Ryan is running for president. But after this, he'll be Paul Cryan.

His favorite color is Paul Cyan

He is Paul Tryan to become president

This post will make him Paul Diean

He read history about the Paul Mayan

On a plane, he is Paul Flyan

In Russia, he is Paul Spyan

He goes to the Maul Ryan

To go Paul Buyan

His favorite spice is Paul Cayenne

When he stares, heis Paul Eyean

For breakfast, he is Paul Fryan

On stilts, he is Paul Giant

When in trouble, he starts Paul Liean

When he watches memes, he is Lol Ryan.

His favorite is Paul Nyan

For dessert, he has Paul Piean

At this point, Im Paul Sighan

When he has rope, he is Paul Tiean

When curious, he is Paul Whyan

Or Paul Pryan

His new game is Ball Ryan

On the phone, he is Call Ryan

His daughter plays with Doll Ryan

When he trips, he is Fall Ryan

His house is the Ryan Hall

Again on stilts, he is Tall Ryan

His house has a Wall Ryan

Down south, you are Yall Ryan

When he makes bread, it is Paul Rysan

On a horse, he is Paul Ridan

In a fight, he is Brawl Ryan

When he loses he is Crawl Ryan

Or dead

When moving he uses a U-Haul Ryan

In the bathroom, he is Stall Ryan

I had a list with A LOT more. Help in diese comments!

EDIT: If he wins the election, he's Mr. President

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davidhasahead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan ... (xpost /r/vegetarian)

Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan:

Ron Acerous, Sal Amander, Herb Avore, Chic Adee, Al Bacore, Paul R Baer, Al Batros, Wally Bee, Lady Bugg, Jay Byrd, Ann Chovie, Anna Condra, Barry Cuda, Terry Dactyl, Ray N Deer, Flo N Der , Erma Dillo, Ann Enome, Terry Err, Liz Erd, Ann Fibian, Dale Finn, Redd Fox, Buddy Fly, Ken Garoo, Allie Gator, Billy Goat, Pan Guin, Ann Gus, Hal Ibut, Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Anne Kelosaurous, Don Key, Ann T. Lope, Moe Lusk, C. Lyon, Chip Monk, Flo Mingo, Sal Mon, Anna Mull, Barr Nicole, Kay Nine, Kyle Otee, Al Paca, Lia Pard, Millie Pede, Ellie Phant, Arthur Podd, Jack Rabbit, Gerry Raffe, Ty Ranaceourous, Mack Rell, Wally Rus, Jack Russel, Fez Sant, Dina Sauer, Drew Sophila, Chris Station, Hal Steen, Clyde Sudale, Ann Teeter, Pan Ther, Earl Thurfworm, Tara Ann Tula, Bea Tule, Ray Venn, Bea Ver, and Beau Vine.

I couldn't have done it without your support !!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStupidVegNoob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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Dads Working Together Episode 2

It's been a while since my first post, but its hard to remember all the dad jokes that fly around our assembly line after working all night. Anyway, on to the joke:

The 3 usual dads on my line (Paul, Kevin, and myself) were talking when were approached by John carrying a step ladder. "This is my step ladder. I never new my real ladder." Then walked away as we all howled with laughter.

Hopefully post can be more frequent. I have considered writing this stuff down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kendred13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Classic dad joke at dinner last night...

My name is Paul and I cooked dinner for the family last night for my son's birthday. We were talking about the food and my brother-in-law (who is also a dad) turns to me and says "yes, it's cooked to paul-fection!"

Many groans were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicmaestro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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