Why was 4 afraid to ask out 5?

Because he was 2 squared.

πŸ‘︎ 873
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YeezyClaps
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I ordered a beer and the bartender said "Sorry, I only have root beer."

So I had him put it in a square glass.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when 2 triangles fight?

They square off.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what a fight between Cloud Strife and Hero is Smash is called...

A square off!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
We all know that 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

His doctor told him to get three square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What foot dont they make shoes for?

A square foot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titaniumhud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Huey Lewis say when he visited his chiropractor?

I need my hip to be square.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Omelet_Oneill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?

Times Square.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Wendy's burgers healthy?

It's a square meal

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WEsellFAKEdoors
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A good realtor is always equipped with a video camera.

It's how they get the square footage.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberOGa3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do 16-trees and 25-trees grow rectangular?

They have square roots.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I would tell you a math joke

But I don’t want to square you

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurdonthego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the hardest foot to buy a shoe for?

A square foot

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new drug going around that is nicknamed β€œangle”. My friends want to try it with me, but I took a D.A.R.E. course and don’t want to do drugs, so my friends make fun of me.

I guess I’m just too square to try angle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopTarnekPop
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where's a mathematician's favorite place in the world?

Times Square

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Existence111111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to start my own NYC pharmacy

I’ll call it Medicine Square Garden.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IceCoolBrutus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to substitute eggroll skins instead of the usual for my fried Chinese dumplings. They tasted the same, but came out rectangular.

I guess it's back to square won.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Pi squared?

No, cornbread are squared. Pie is round!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You know those big round bales of hay? they are illegal in Wyoming...

Yeah, It turns out that the animals weren't getting a square meal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phlatbroke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm on the Minecraft diet.

Three square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gathering of math nerds?

A root of squares.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you change root beer into beer?

You pour it into a square cup.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do mathematicians hold their annual convention?

Times Square!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a funny geneticist's favorite shape?

A pun-nett square

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnloosedCake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
How did mathematicians get around restrictions of prohibition?

They drank their root beer out of square cups!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArisThotHole
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
There are 4 sides to my brother’s personality.

That being said, the guy is pretty square.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A pound of bricks weighs more than a pound of feathers

In America you can buy a square foot of bricks for around $8.50. There are 7 bricks in a square foot, meaning you are buying each brick for about a $1.21. Today one dollar is 0.75 pounds, so $1.21 is about 0.92 pounds, meaning for a full pound you can buy 1.087 bricks for about a pound. Each brick weighs 5 pounds, which means 1.087 bricks weighs 5.435 pounds. Now on the other hand you many buy 48 feathers for one dollar in America , considering that one dollar is 0.75 ponds, you could buy 64 feathers. with one pound. Each feather weighs around 0.0003 ounces, which multiplied by 64 is 0.0192 ounces , which is 0.0012 pounds. 5.435> 0.0012. There you have it a pound of bricks weighs more than a pound if feathers .

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If protractors went to war with rulers

Protractor: measures 90 degrees Protractor General: SQUARE UP!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlasmaMcNuggets
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the exponent say to scare the number?

"you should be *squared*."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sciencefrog551
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a carrot with 4 sides?

A square root

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13thPlayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
what happened to the plant that was in the math classroom?

It grew square roots

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abdic8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mari_kitsuro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t 4 ask out 5?

Cause he was 2 squared

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did 7 eat 9?

Because the doctor told him to eat 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/original_ritard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
6 was scared if 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadMeatsEvil
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?

It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mathiasthewise
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
We know why 6 is afraid of seven, but why did seven eat nine?

Because you need three squared meals a day

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrek_007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does 4 never like to fly?

Because he was 2 squared

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bacon_Sarnian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the mathematician fat?

Cause he ate 3 squared meals a day

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marinatedpotato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Math Pun

We know that 6 was afraid of 7 since 7 ate 9 but why did 7 eat 9 in the first place. Because it wanted 3 square meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ResidentReward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
6 was scared of 7 because 7 8 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you’re supposed to eat three squares meals a day.

πŸ‘︎ 255
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtylongs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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