Did you hear about the overcrowding at the cemetery?

I guess everyone's dying to get in there!

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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The graveyard looks overcrowded

People must be dying to get in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrainWhoLied
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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I don't like telling jokes at overcrowded partie

The punchlines are just too long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I visited a very overcrowded grave last night

I asked the manager why it was so crowded. He said people were dying to get in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superonkey101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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The cemetery is overcrowded. We have a grave problem
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πŸ‘€︎ u/halagabir
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
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Why do protozoan colonies have horribly overcrowded prisons?

They only have one cell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2017
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Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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"This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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this graveyard looks overcrowded.

people must be dying to get in!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoctusMysteria
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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This Graveyard is overcrowded

people must be DYING to get in!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brownboy_5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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This graveyard looks overcrowded...

People must be dying to get in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Xx_Layan_xX_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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This graveyard looks overcrowded

People must be dying to get in there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexanderlch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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This graveyard looks overcrowded

People must be dying to get in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Markvaldek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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The graveyard next to my house looks overcrowded

People must be dying to get in there

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnArousedCatfish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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The graveyard is overcrowded

People must be dying to get in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidbesp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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Damn, this graveyard looks overcrowded!

People must be dying to get in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adriator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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This graveyard looks overcrowded...

People must be dying to get in there...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/N0B0dyyy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
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This graveyard looks overcrowded,

people must be dying to get in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee_cow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
more dad jokes

The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"

5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I got my son good at a graveyard...

So recently me and my son passed a military graveyard that was terribly overcrowded, my son asked why it was so overcrowded. My only answer was...

"This graveyard is so overcrowded because so many people are dying to get in"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/partytothemax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
🚨︎ report

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