My best friend got sentenced to life in prison, and I wanted to console him
I said, "Imagine you're a cat!"
A man with a stutter died in prison
He never got to finish his sentence
What’s the worst waffle in California?
I work as a librarian in a prison
The job has its prose and cons.
How do prisoners talk to each other
Why are the prisons in Conneticut generally better?
Because they have con etiquette.
Found out my friend with a stammer died in prison
He just couldn't finish his sentence
Why was the bad poet the best at taking role in prison?
Because when they have no prose all they can do is list cons.
What did the Australian guard say to the prisoner?
There was a prison break
There was a prison break. I saw a midget climb up the fence.
As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that was a little condescending
In the Seine-et-Marne region of France you can bail yourself out of prison using cheese
It's called playing the 'Get out of jail Brie card'
Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?
Because the prose outweigh the cons.
What are prison walls made out of?
Why is an Australian prisoner like an Australian hotel?
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
I have a twin brother in prison
We finish each other's sentences.
Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison?
Yeah, there's a small medium at large
Just got offered a job teaching poetry in prison.
Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.
Do you have any idea what they do to eggs in prison?
I'll tell you this— It ain't over easy.
What’s the difference between someone going to prison and a guy who has a mobile knife sharpening business?
One gets incarcerated, the other is in-car-serrated
What’s the difference between Taxes and Texas?
Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
They started a poetry class at the local prison...
But I don't know how I feel about it... There are prose and cons
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,
“thank you for your cervix.”
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
r/NatureIsFuckingLit, right?
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
Why can’t groups of prisoners be described with Venn diagrams?
Because all the circles are concentric.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why are female prisoners kept in separate prisons?
Because most prisoners are in cells.
What flavour toothpaste do they use in jails ?
Was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.
I said to myself, that’s a little condescending
Did you hear about the prisons new creative writing department?
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
In the history of crime literature, which character has been the most effective at getting people out of prison?
The dot "."
It has ended more sentences than anything else.
A man walks in to a bar with a piece of asphalt
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”
What do pirates say to warn when the California Highway Patrol is approaching?
Today I saw a prison guard berating a dwarf inmate who was trying to escape by climbing down a drainpipe.
I thought it was a little condescending.
Falling in love is dangerous.
What do you call a waffle on a California beach?
A psychic midget escaped from prison.
There's a small medium at large.
An infamous psychic dwarf has escaped from the local prison!
There's a small medium at large.
What do you call a midget magician that escaped from prison?
Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from prison?
News paper headline read “small medium at large”
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