Improvise.Adapt.Overcome
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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My uncle worked in a can crushing plant...

His job was soda pressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VAOkie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven.

They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.

I'm going vegan today.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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How did Princess Elsa overcome her fear of horses?

The colt never bothered her anyway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Addictions are tough to overcome...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMajicman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blockinite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Did you hear there is a book coming out about how to overcome procrastination?

The author started writing it 50 years ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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As a therapist who helps monsters overcome drug addiction...

Vampires are hands down the worst at self-reflection.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheweduproach
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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How should a vegetable addict overcome their addiction?

Cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyupbirch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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I can safely say I've overcome my Tourette's.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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How do Arabs overcome their anger?

They just Sheikh it off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themakshter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitHODL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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With so much madness in the world today, I'm trying hard to Compose myself...

But I'm going to need a minuet to get a Handel on things, so please Holst on. There's no Haydn from reality, even if I can't stanza much more. I'm guessing the current madness originated in Britten - possibly during the Brahms age. Alas, I'm so Bizet writing my Chopin Liszt I will have to get Bach to you later when I'm Abel to compose my thoughts on how to overcome. GRRRRR.... I keep forgetting to purchase rainbow Schubert and must write that down. I also have to fix my microwave which Baroque earlier today when my son tried to Satie some vegetables. I do wish he would've refrained. Oh, I still have to go to the Barber as well. But, I digress... Once the madness calms down I hope y'all can Ravel in the moment. If you don't understand it, though, that's okay - it's all Grieg to me and I don't want to cause y'all any additional Strauss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Yesterday a casket at a funeral home magically came to life, and immediately got sick

It watched the news and became convinced it had contracted the coronavirus from it's intended inhabitant, a Chinese woman from Wuhan who had died of the disease.

The casket went to the emergency room at the nearest hospital.

After overcoming her initial shock at diagnosing a casket, the ER doctor ran a blood test and determined the casket definitely did not have the coronavirus.

"But I feel like I'm dying doctor, and I only just came to life. If it isn't the coronavirus what is it?" worriedly asked the casket.

"I'm not sure," answered the doctor, "we'll have to run some more tests."

"But my fever, the pain in my lungs...what could it be? Doctor if you had to give me your best diagnosis right now without the tests, what do you think could be causing these terrible respiratory symptoms?"

The doctor thought for a moment then answered, "SARS cough I guess."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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A man is in the delivery room with his wife, who has just gave birth

The baby cries, and overcome by his emotions on entering fatherhood, the man cries as well. The midwife asks "Are you ok?". He slowly turns around, a tear in his eye and says "No, I'm Dad."

(also posted in r/jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsize
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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Manager at my job got my Co worker

Manager was writing a list on his arm. Like on his skin

My Co worker asked him "do you want a piece of paper?"

Manager simply says "no thanks I've got my palm pilot".

My coworker didn't laugh but simply gave a blank look.

I meanwhile was overcome with laughter and glee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuya_Gshock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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β€ͺThe Winter Olympics are momentous occasion.‬

So many obstacles to overcome just to have gotten where they've gotten.‬ It's a slippery slope but they always seem to manage their way back up to the top. Seasoned professionals!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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My classmates are just hard to please

Since you guys enjoyed my dad moment in math class I thought I'd share my chemistry moment too.

So we are discussing atmospheric pressure and my teacher thought it be a good example to ask us to stand up to example how we can overcome the pressure. So everyone is standing and I remain sitting,

Teacher: so what's stoping you from standing up?

Me: Peer pressure

Followed by rejected high fives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irulehard2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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My dad's favorite spooky Halloween joke

My dad told me this the first time on Halloween night back when I was 9. He tells it to this day to any of my cousins, nephews, or any kids that happen to linger too long at the house when he's giving out candy. It's a long one but I have always enjoyed it.

Back when I was about your age, I went on a Halloween adventure. There was an old abandoned house on our street where a series of grisly axe murders had taken place years before. The house had never sold and was left vacant and was left to fall apart. There was a local legend that if you went into the house on Halloween night, you'd be confronted by the ghost of the murderer himself, still looking for more victims to add to his terrifying story.

My friend Tom and I decided to go through with it one year. Knowing everyone would be too terrified to go into the house, we snuck in easily on Halloween night. The place was falling apart inside, the carpet was wet and moldy and the wallpaper was peeling off everywhere. We headed down carefully to the basement down a set of creaky stairs.

At first we found nothing. Just an empty creepy old house. Suddenly we felt as if we were being watched. I was looking through one of the rooms in the large basement when I suddenly heard Tom shriek. I spun around and turned my flashlight and Tom was being chased by something, no someone. It looked like it was the murderer! A crazed man with an axe!

We turned and tried to run anywhere. We were in the basement but couldn't get up the stairs because we were blocked. We ran into the side room which looked like it might have been the laundry years ago. We locked the door and looked for a way out. The only thing we could find was a small window that opened onto ground level. As I climbed out I heard a pounding on the door. I managed to wriggle my way through the window and turned around to help my friend Tom. Panicking, he managed to get his top half through the window when I noticed the pounding stop.

Tom was stuck! I kept trying to pull him up but I couldn't. I pulled as hard as I could as Tom panicked and thrashed even more. I thought something had him caught, but it was even worse. The murderer had gotten behind him and was holding him back! He was too strong for me to overcome and he was pulling Tom's leg!

Just like I've been pulling yours this whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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For the lactose intolerant.

It is a curdle you have to overcome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuranei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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My dad has supersonic hearing when it comes to opportunities to dadjoke someone...

My mother and sister were in the kitchen talking about the menu of a local restaurant.

Mom: "I wonder what kind of soup I should get..."

Sister: "I heard their bean soup was pretty good..."

My father was in another part of the house and, as if he was overcome by a spidey-sense like tingling for a dadjoke opportunity, came running down the stairs into the kitchen and said:

Dad: "I don't care what it's 'been' what is it now!"

They groaned while he and I chuckled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeithSkud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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My Dad once told me this: "People overcome adversity all the time. Look at Beethoven."

"They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?"

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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People overcome adversity all the time...

Look at Beethoven. People told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DigitalMischief
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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People overcome adversity all the time

Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlipperyQuark
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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