Our Last Night Puns

She ended up getting custardy

Oof.

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance

Our spirits were lifted.

Thankfully there were no soles lost.

She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

We were powerless to stop it.

... it’s ok but, we recovered.

First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.

I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.

He just looked at me like he had no clue what I said.

I was the only one in the car who laughed.

The cops finally caught him by the organ.

I’m still pissed.

"This is my dad Roger," he said, "And this is my twin brother Dave."

"Nice to meet you," she smiled. "Who's the eldest?"

He answered with a smile, "My dad!"

We were looking at alternative metals, and we both agreed that the meteorite ring was not only the coolest looking in general, but the fact that it came from space made it a clear winner.

Her: "Maybe I should get meteorite in my wedding band too so we can match."

Me: "So you know what this means? It means that our love is out of this world!"

I work in a kitchen and at night the floor mats need to rolled up and washed. While watching a new kid struggle with a ripped mat, I said "I think it's about time we get a new mat."

Our boss, named Matt, instantly yells from inside the nearby office "Oh come on, I'm sitting right here!" And while I didn't physically see it, I could feel the giant smile on his face as we all laughed

The whole experience left a sour taste in my mouth...

Santa clock came while we were sleeping

Edit: This is what my dad would say every daylight savings time, twice a year, every year, when we were kids.

Wife: "Your little punk son is resisting arrest!" Me: crickets

About five minutes later

Me: "OH! Resisting a-REST! Hahahaha! I get it. Wife: "I was wondering how long that would take."

Last night my parents came over for dinner, so we decided to order some fried chicken from one of our favorite restaurants.

My mom called in the order and placed it under my dad's name "Jon".

My dad and I go to pick up the chicken when it's ready, as we walk into the restaurant the lady at the front says "Are you here for Jon?"

Without any hesitation my dad says, "No, I'm here for chicken."

He chuckled to himself for a few seconds before letting the lady know that in fact yes, we were there to pick up the order.

Me: "The cinematography for this show really is top notch." Her: "No babe, it's Top Gear."

We were going to a sushi restaurant named Naan (pronounced "non"). He asked me to see if there were any Groupons for it. I checked, but there weren't any. He proceeds to say, "Would you say...there are naan?"

Waitress: "Soup or salad?" Me: "What's the difference between super salad, and regular salad?" light chuckles all around.

Oof.