Oh Santa! Puns

"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."

Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"

"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"

"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."

"Well?" Santa says expectantly.

"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."

Dad: Looks like we're going to have Santa's favorite weather for Christmas this year.

Wife: Oh, is it going to snow?

Dad: No, rain dear.

I was Santa she was a naughty girl. 'Unfortunately you've been a naughty girl and you're on Santas naughty list and wont be receiving any presents this year.' 'oh no Santa i really want a present i'll do anything to get on your good list' 'oh i dont know if there is a way i'm afraid' you're just going to have to bend over my knee and take your spank now.' bare butt spanks occur 'Please Santa let me on your good list I'm begging you' 'Well come to think of it there is a Claus in the contract' .... Then realising the accidental Santa Claus pun I made I had to be sure she got it. 'Get it! CLAUS HHAHAHA CLAUS LIKE SANTA CLAUS HAHAHAHHAA' yeah she didnt find it as funny as me... No sex for me..

Santa: “Hey Rudolph! You’re looking fly today!” Rudolph: “Oh Santa, you sleigh me!”

Bought this Santa toilet seat cover for the downstairs bathroom

Asked roommate if he liked it

Roommate: "It's nice, but is it a Santatary?"

I found this on a christmas card, and as someone that loves dad jokes more than life itself, here is goes

"What does Santa say when he walks backwards?"

"OH OH OH!"