I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
I once swallowed a book of synonyms.
It’s gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
I had a rooster that could count once...
I once dated a girl with a wooden leg.
I was once addicted to the hokey pokey
But I turned myself around.
I once boiled a funny bone...
It became a laughing stock.
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
I overdosed on Viagra once....
I have a box of papers belonging to my once wife.
I think I'll label it the "Ex-Files"
I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith
but for the life of me I can't remember the name of his other leg.
I once dated a girl that had a twin. . .
People always asked how I could tell them apart but it was pretty easy.
Jessica had purple fingernails, James had a dick.
I once new a hooker. I asked her how she liked her job.
She said m eh. There’s a lot of coming and going.
It’s an an in and out type of job.
Edit; knew* thank you.
Someone once told me than 2 in 10 people don't understand fractions
But someone else said it was 1 in 5. So which is it?
I once met a woman who had 12 breasts. Sounds weird..
What do you call it when too many people become stupid all at once?
I had a cop draw a gun on me once
He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
I red a joke about colors once.
I once dated a phlebotomist whom, when she tried to draw my blood, said "Be positive."
It was then I realized, she wasn't my type.
TIL that Mona Lisa was once accused of murder
Who shaves more than once a day?
I once asked a Hawaiian if he had a high pitched laugh.
I was kidnapped by mimes once
They did unspeakable things to me
My friend told me he once met a lady with twelve breasts. "Sounds strange," I had to tell him....
I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker
I guess the steaks were pretty high
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
I was once offered the chance to join a secret club, where anyone who asks a question is permanently banned.
I once saw a guy playing Dancing Queen on a didgeridoo.
I once glued a set of false teeth onto a boomerang...
... that came back to bite me.
I tried to learn Gnomish once.
I always got stuck on the Gnomenclature
I once knew a scarecrow that won an award
for outstanding achievements in his field.
I once went to a science themed orgy...
I once got into an argument with a co-worker, who slammed the door so hard when he left, it broke the latch.
Which sucked, because I thought we needed the closure...
Wise man once said?
Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
I once met a talking dog, and decided to ask "what do you get from a tree's outer layer?"
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
I once met an astronaut who was claustrophobic..
Turns out he just needed a little space.
I once went on a date with a girl called Simile.
I don't know what I metaphor.
I once jumped head-first into poison ivy.
What do you call a serrated weapon that Polish people once used in battle?
Heard about this famous Swedish DJ once, forgot his name.
I saw the Apple store get robbed once
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
I once made a pencil with 2 erasers.
I was kidnaped by mimes once.
They did unspeakable things too me!
I once met a girl with 12 breasts. It sounds strange...
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