Officially a dad

My wife and I just had our first yesterday. My son was less than 10 minutes old when the doctor was doing some post delivery stitching for my wife.

My wife said: "how many stitches is it going to be?"

Doc: "we're not actually counting stitches with this, it's a running stitch"

Without missing a beat, I said "is it going after the fridge?"

There was very brief pause of activity in the room, and then soft chuckles and head shakes. Someone muttered "that's a good one". I feel like I've been inaugurated.

Edit: to everyone confused by this, I'll explain

Back when landlines were the main way of calling people, and cellphones and caller ID was rare (or non-existent), making crank calls was a.... common past-time.

One of the common ones was went like this:

Victim: "hello?"

Pranker: "hi, is your fridge running?"

Victim: "yes, why?"

Pranker: "well then you better go catch it!"

And then you hang up. So the joke here is that because it was a "running stitch" it was running to catch the fridge.

<ba-dum tsss>

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2021
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Daughter said her abs hurt after starting a new exercise. "Well, my nonexistent abs," she says.

"You mean they're absent?"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dsmymfah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2016
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If H2O is water, what is H2O4?

Drinking.

Edit: to the people turning this into an β€œACKSHUALLY it’s hydroxyperoxide/tetraoxidane/non-existent chemical bind!” chemistry moment, just chill, it’s a dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/biorod
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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What do you call a beat up Batman?

A Bruised Wayne.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aBeardedLegend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Is there any ice in Leicester?

There is on paper, but word of mouth says it's non-existent

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Mom won Mother's Day at the expense of the church organist

Sitting in the backyard on a beautiful Mother's Day evening, the topic turned to our church organist who is absolutely awful and serves as the source of much pain and humor for my family.

Dad: After all these years you would think he would be able to play at least one song without a mistake.

Mom: In his defense, the pay is almost nonexistent. It's basically volunteer. So his heart is in the right place. pause His fingers just aren't!

Belly laughs all around. She was bright red laughing at her own joke. Well deserved.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pantsthemusical
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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