In the UK we now have new Covid alert levels

I knew it would end in tiers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?

Black Friday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justainsel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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We're getting a new pound coin in the UK soon, but I hate it...

I don't like change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bfreak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2015
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Got my dad this morning with the new UK PM.

Me: Did you see a women named Theresa might be the new PM in the UK? Dad: hmm, yeah, Theresa May. Me: Yeah, she might.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BountyHNZ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
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Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Did you hear about the man who fell into the printing press?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mindlesssavage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2016
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Had to pick myself up off the floor after this one..

So here in the UK we have a game show called the cube were contestants complete challenges to win cash. On Saturday night a contestant came on and she only had one hand. She walked away with Β£20k.

My sister comes out with she has enough money to buy a new hand now and my dad lays this one on us almost instantly

'she'd have to go to a second hand store'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKeenski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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Woman asks why 20,000 Bees swarm over her car...

"I did ask 'why pick on my car?' but my husband, who is a bit of a joker, said it was because of all the Bee Gees CDs in the car."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-40252990

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πŸ‘€︎ u/davedevelopment
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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Man dad-joked newspaper

Source - Pic Abridged version:

A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.

Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.

"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.

"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Is this subreddit dead?

No one's posted anything all year!

Happy New Year from the UK!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkDeath
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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Dad visits a coffee shop on his way home

He said he had tried the new Costa (a UK equivalent to Starbucks) in town. I asked him what it was like, having not visited it myself and he simply replied "It Costa fortune"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laggsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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