The wife and I were at the marriage counselor. "Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?" The marriage counselor asked glaring at me.
I look at my wife frustratingly and shout "You never even told me you sold flowers!?"
Never say no to dumplings.
They feel bad. They also have fillings inside.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
I could never accept a two-year sentence. I just don’t have that much to say.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry...
It’s been a week already and I'm just getting hungrier and hungrier.
You could say, I’ve never gotten rid of my bad vices
These two dinosaurs were walking one day and they came across another dinosaur they had never seen before, eating plants. One says "Who is that?!" and the other replies...
"I dunno. I've never seen herbivore!"
Therapist: Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?
To be honest I had no idea my wife sold flowers.
What do you never say to someone who lost his fingers?
we are crossing fingers for you.
People say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
You should never say “hi” to your friend Jack at the airport.
Surveys say 9 out of 10 people have never tried beef tartare.
Apparently it’s very rare.
I never understood those signs that say “In Case Of Fire, Break Glass”
How is broken glass supposed to put out a fire?
Why can you never trust what Matter says?
Because it makes up everything.
Kid ant says to his father: "Dad, how come we never get sick"? ...
Father replies "well, it is because we have little anty-bodies son!"
My pregnant wife keeps yelling, “Never say Never” in her sleep.
I think she’s having contradictions.
My son says he hates alphabet soup, though hes never even tried it
Well he's going to eat his words
I was caught stealing the model spine from the chiropractor's office. He called me a theif, and I had never been so insulted in my life. I guess you could say I was taken aback.
As they say at Starbucks, better latte than never.
So my son comes up to me the other day and says "Dad you know 2 things that never get old?"
Dark humor and anti-vax kids
What do you call a stroppy teenager who says they'll run from home but never do?
You can never trust someone who says they are a quarter millionaire.
You don’t know if they have $250,000 or $1,000,000 in Quarters.
The say a good Dad joke never dies...
They will live for all paternity.
I've said a lot of things I'm not proud of in my time, but there's one thing you'll *never* hear me say:
I hate it when a web service says "(insert name here) will never ask you for your password"
How am I supposed to login then?!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can i get you?"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
Therapist: your wife says you never buy her flowers.
Husband: to be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
A weasel walks into a bar, The bartender says “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel in here before, What can I get you?”
A weasel walks to the bar. The bartenders says "Wow, I've never served a weasel before! What can I get you?"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
Therapist:Your wife says you never buy her flowers is that true ?
Me:Well to be honest I never knew she sold flowers
A weasel walks into a bar . The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
Therapist: Your wife has complained you never buy her flowers, what do you have to say to that?
Well, in my defense, I never knew she sold flowers.
Therapist: She says you never buy her flowers? Why is that?
Him: I didn’t even know she was selling flowers?!
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says “Wow! I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get for you?”
My wife says I never buy her flowers
To be honest, I didn't even know she sold them!
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers
I didnt know she sold flowers
A weasel walks into the bar. The bartender says wow! In all my years bar tending I’ve never seen a weasel in a bar before. What can I get for you?
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