My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My friend told me, βYour wife and daughter look like twins!β
I said, βWell, they were separated at birth.β
π︎ 24k
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
I've been having an affair with my wife's siamese twin.
We're doing it behind her front.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
My friend Jay recently had twins, and want to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
My brother just had twins so I invited him to join the group.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls.
I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
π︎ 356
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.
So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".
Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
π︎ 406
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
My kids were watching a show about identical twins re-united after being separated at birth, and in disbelief that they were wearing matching outfits when they met up.
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
I repetitively hit my identical twin.
So I asked him, "why are you hitting yourself?"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
My dad was a conjoined twin.
We called his brother "My uncle on my father's side."
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 06 2020
My twin brother called me from prison.
He said: "You know how we finish each other's sentences?"
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Sep 21 2019
My friend Jay had twin daughters, and decided to name them after him.
They are named Kay and Elle.
π︎ 114
π
︎ Jan 03 2020
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
My wife just gave birth to a set of identical twins. She named the first one Pete.
I named the second one Repeat.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 29 2019
My best friend couldnβt come out to the pub with me tonight so his identical twin came instead.
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 08 2020
there's literally three sets of twins in my math class.
guess this year is gonna be their year- its twinny twinny after all.
*twinny twinny sounds like twenty twenty (2020)*
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2019
My newborn twin are patriots
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 06 2019
My son suggested to my parents that they should adopt twin girls. I said,
"Do you want aunts? Cause that's how you get aunts!"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
Yeah, I could get surgery to remove my conjoined twin
But I'm rather attached to them.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 21 2019
My aunt is having twins. Dad thinks she should name the girl Denise.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 02 2015
My hispanic fireman friend had twin boys.
He named one Jose and the other Hose B.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 23 2019
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 131
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 08 2020
My friend Jay recently had twins, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 449
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
My twin brother likes to take the stairs, but I always prefer the elevator.
I guess..... we are raised differently.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
My friend Jay had twins recently, and he wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 01 2019
My wife asked me the other day what I wanted to name our twin daughters. Kate, I replied. And the other, she asked?
π︎ 92
π
︎ Nov 19 2019
My twin brother called me from prison.
He said, βYou know that thing where we finish each otherβs sentences?β.
π︎ 204
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated in between two identical twins.
I couldnβt differentiate between them.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
My friend Jay just had twin daughters and wants to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jul 23 2019
My twin brother called me from prison. He said βso you know how we always finish each otherβs sentencesβ
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated next to two identical twins.
It was impossible to differentiate between them.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 17 2019
My friend Jay just had twins and wants to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 95
π
︎ Dec 01 2018
My twin brother called me from prison
He said, "So you know how we finish each other's sentences?"
π︎ 45
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
My friend Jay just had twins, and wants to name them after him.
So I suggested Kay and Elle.
π︎ 173
π
︎ Jun 06 2018
I failed my calculus exam in college because I was seated between two identical twins.
I couldnβt differentiate between them.
π︎ 229
π
︎ Jul 25 2018
My twin brother called me from prison.
He said: "You know how we finish each
other's sentences?"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
Someone just complimented my wife and told her that she and our daughter looked like twins.
I said, βWell, they were separated at birth.β
π︎ 89
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
My sister just had twins, a boy and a girl, and she let me name them! The girl's name is Denise.
The boy's name is Denephew.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Aug 31 2018
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