I thought the distance didn't matter =(
My grandfather invented the cold-air balloon.
It never really took off.
My 8 year old son asked me the other day, “Dad, do you know which one of my friends is cold?”
Carter Burr
I’ve never been so proud of him. My wife’s sigh and eye roll made it that much better.
My kid said the house is so cold.
I told him to go stand in the corner to warm up. It's 90 degrees.
So in a stunning turnabout my 8 year old nailed me with a great dad joke. “What’s the worst smelling monster in mythology?”
In most parts of the world, it's possible to catch a cold.
In Russia cold always catch you
Why do I always feel great on Saturdays and Sundays, and sick on all the other days ?
Maybe I just have a weekend immune system..
In Sweden, footraces sometimes start a short distance away from the country’s eastern border.
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. Cashier asked " How long would you like them"
From march to September said the man
My friends got together to play electric guitar, but the distance from the wall to their axes was too great...
Luckily, they had a power chord.
It was so cold the other day. I ordered a cab to take me to Chester...
I ended up in Chichester.
My little brother just came up with this: Why was the fully loaded hot dog cold?
Because it was a chili dog.
I caught a cold near the carousel
I heard there was something going around.
What do Jack the Ripper, Catherine the Great, William the Conqueror, and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
I have the power to ejaculate a pretty good distance.
I’m surprised at how far I’ve come.
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.
In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.
Did you hear about the great German pub?
Today’s a great day to go to the cemetery.
It’s dead quiet and people are dying to go out.
I know where to store all the great dad jokes found in this subreddit
When did the Cold War end?
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
KFC were offering great deals on popcorn chicken the other day...
Now that's what I call getting more bang for your cluck.
Why did the animal doctor go through great lengths to hide his true identity?
Because he was a veteran Aryan.
What do you need if you’re cold, while on the moon?
What is the secret to great cold brew coffee?
The opera wasn't that great.
But it ended on a high note.
I will become the next great god. The embodiment of Thor and Odin’s power.
Why do great white sharks chase after Superman in the ocean?
Because he has a seal on his chest.
Why did the distance runner buy a new pair of shoes?
It would be helpful in the long run.
Natives of the African jungle, when avoiding predators, call the distance between you and a lion a ‘wimb’
Because the lion in the jungle is always a wimb away.
What do the Japanese call a gang member responsible for keeping the boss's beer cold?
I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater
Came in from the cold and my girlfriend said “Your eyelashes are icicles!”
I said “and my balls are testicles”
Why did the case of the toilet bandit go cold?
They had nothing to go on.
What kind of tree shakes in the cold?
The great thing about 'reddit' is that it tells you when you've finished reading it
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
Why is the stadium so cold?
Because it has a lot of fans.
What did the cold, angry man eat for dinner?
Look at that Dalmatian there in the distance!
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
Social distancing is just a step in the right direction.
If you're cold go and stand in the corner.
Here's a great joke my dad does all the time
Me: hi Dad.
My Dad: hi Dad.
Me: but you're my Dad.
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