My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived.
I can’t imagine what was going through his mind at the time.
My hunter friend boasted that he shot the most deer last year.
He certainly won that game.
Yesterday, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
And later a rhinoceros in the buff.
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said “that gave me a heart attack!”
I told him “actually that was a stroke”
I’m not a dad but here’s my best shot.
What does a depressed cowboy say?
Yee-nah
I shot my first turkey today...
Scared the heck out of everyone else in the frozen food section.
"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."
I shot a bear in my underwear this morning.
What he was doing in my underwear, I'll never know
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
"Ok. I'll give it my best shot"
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
I got a steroid shot in my butt today...
It was a real pain in the ass...
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
My 4 month old daughter just got a shot in each leg.
Poor thing is so traumatized, I don't think she'll be walking on them for months.
My American friend had her flu shot
I just use antibiotics, in Europe we don't need guns for everything
My son asked me: Dad did you get shot in the army?
No son. I got shot in the leggy
I shot my enemy with a paintball gun
I shot my best friend today...
It's going to take an hour to develop, but her wedding photos are spectacular.
I shot an Eagle at my local golf course today.
Apparently you go to jail for killing a protected species.
Really ticked me off! Barging in like that uninvited. So gave it my best shot.
My boss came into the office and poured us all shots to celebrate the birth of his daughter. I asked why the liquor had little bits of gold floating around in it, and he explained it was Goldschläger
I once told my dad you miss 100% of the shots you don't take -
He said not when you're hungover - then you miss precisely 0% of the shots you did take!
Went hunting for the first time recently and shot my first buck.
Poor guy was holding on for deer life.
My newborn just got her Hep-B shot
The nurse said she barely made a peep. She's such a relaxed baby she'll trick us into having another.
It'll take more than that to outsmart me, baby. Only one of us was born yesterday
Texted my family a post on the front page and my dad shot back with this. Should have seen it coming
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas
How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.
As my friend shot a piece of cheese into the trash can
My Dad had this tongue shot off in the war
Someone shot my friend Juan with a golf ball gun
Now there is a hole in Juan.
Today I shot an elephant in my pyjamas...
And how it got in my pyjamas, I'll never know!
Wanted to shot some skunked beer cans with my BB gun but my dad wouldn't let me.
He said it was alcohol abuse.
Shot my first turkey today..
scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen food section
Shot my first turkey today.
Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’m looking for the man who shot my paw."
I shot an elephant in my pajamas
Why he was in my pajamas I will never know
I shot my first turkey today.
Everyone at the frozen food section started freaking out though.
My son asked me, "Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"
I replied, "No, but I was shot in the leggy."
I once shot a bear in my pajamas.
How it ever got into my pajamas I'll never know.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, I'm looking for the man who shot my paw
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, I'm looking for the man who shot my paw
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