Do people with narcolepsy snore like Mmm instead of Zzz?

I would assume they only got halfway through the alphabet before falling asleep!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbetter1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Mmm.. Synonym rolls

..The way old Grammar used to make them.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Mmm... 10D’s
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ffrank6217
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Hubs: Mmm! This looks tasty! Me: Um, no. This looks...toasty.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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A man ate the Reddit servers.

Afterwards, he said, β€œMmm, this copypasta tastes good!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natopotatomusic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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His caREAR is everything to him
πŸ‘︎ 399
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I believe I am ready to become a dad, that cracks cringe worthy jokes.

Friend: mmmm, I love seafood. Me: mmm I see food, I eat it.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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When I was in school I got asked, "What is 3000 converted into Roman Numerals ?"

I replied, "Mmm...."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Why do we test seat belts with crash test dummies ?

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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You really shouldn't be intimidated by advanced math…

it's easy as pi.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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I love telling dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robar98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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not sure if this belongs here, mβ€˜kay
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skizzoat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."

So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.

So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.

The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".

So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.

The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.

But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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This is shear perfection. v.redd.it/ojkpxaujts041
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What's Homer Simpson's least favorite ingredient in pizza?

Dough!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiigLord
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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[OC] Pairs well with a steaming cup of Versachai
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunPics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Thought I got followed by the official Hanson twitter account

But it turned out to be an MmmBot

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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A mole family is leaving its burrow for the day...

Dada Mole pokes his nose out of the mole hole, sniffs the air, and licks his lips. β€œMmm, someone nearby is baking.” he says. β€œI smell butter.”

Mama Mole comes up next and sniffs the air. Her eyes light up. "Yes, someone is baking,” she says. β€œI smell sugar!”

Brother Mole is next. β€œMmm, maybe some chocolate!” he exclaims as he does a little dance.

Little Baby Mole is last. He sniffs the air, gags and nearly chokes as he says β€œAll I smell is molasses.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSS24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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How much Italian desert can a Jedi have?

Only one cannoli!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gahdow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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At any given time, the urge to sing "The lion sleeps tonight"...

Is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Markvaldek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Dad's puns compilation

For the record, my dad didn't say any of these. Also, they get kind of weird near the end.

My vacuum sucks, or, rather, doesn't suck.

That drawing looks sketchy. Something about it looks... shady.

Lightbulb is a smart guy. Some might even say he's bright.

"Mmm, cheesy" he says as he takes the macaroni out of the oven.

When entering a planetarium, my father mentioned how he'd like some cookies with his Milky Way.

Oreolas = cookie nipples (Couldn't really think of a way to set this one up that didn't make it even more awkward.)

"Underwear? Under there?" My dad mentioned as he put his pants away.

Edit: If you've any others, share them in the comments!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JB_Big_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2016
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How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/senor_bexis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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The Church of England has finally approved of female bishops.

Now British women are finally free to move diagonally.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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Why was the pediatrician always losing his temper?

He had little patients.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/henzhou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Hey, what's for dinner?

Me: Hey Mom, what's for dinner?

Mom: I'm making salmon patties, if that's all right.

Dad: Mmm, salmon patties. Hey, if I was named Sam, I'd want to be married to a girl named Patty, so that people would call us Sam 'n' Patty.

Me: ...I'm writing that down and putting it on the Internet.

Mom: Please, please don't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barakvesh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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He was beyond proud of this one and laughed at his own joke for a long time

Grandmother: This dip is made mostly from horseradish and sour cream

Dad: Mmm, you can really taste the horse!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoegraze
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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Honey-do

I worked at a grocery store and handed out samples. One day I was tasked with sampling melons. One of which was a honey-do. Halfway into my shift an old man walks up with his wife and says

Oldman:"Mmm honey-do i'm used to my wife always sayin honey don't."

This was followed by a chuckle, and a less than pleased wife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk4t4nic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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Lunch break with my dad

We went to a cafe for lunch and dad ordered the "1950's Reuben".

After a bite, "MMM! That's really good! ...must be a great refrigerator, too, with a sandwich from the '50's."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jencaasi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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Dad: Why can't our 6 month old drink regular milk?

Breastfeeding Mom: Because he can't have cow's milk yet.

Dad: What do you think he's been drinking all this time.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/producertommy
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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A good quality for all restaurants to have.

Heard this in one of my GA Tech OMS CS lectures. (Michael isn't my Dad, but he is definitely a Dad.) The professors were discussing criteria for determining whether or not to enter a restaurant.

Michael: How about whether it smells good?
Charles: Yea I like cleanliness. Or you know what, let's be nice to our eateries. Let's say atmosphere.
Michael: Mmm, right, because if there's no atmosphere, it's going to be really hard to breath.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/merckens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2014
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Dadjoked earlier looking for my cat.

So my family and I moved and we are trying to get our cats situated at the new house and my dad and I were looking for one of my cats. while we pull up the drive way he turns to me and says "you know, he could've been stolen... by cat burglars." We had a giggle.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazedGamer00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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Completely accidental dad joke at Wawa today.

My girlfriend and I were getting coffee and tea at wawa.

Her- Do you like the Irish Cream? Me- yeah but not really with French vanilla coffee. Her- Why not? Me- it's just that I-rish it wasn't so sweet.

I realized what I had done and we had to go our separate ways.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g_r_e_y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2014
🚨︎ report

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