Metropolitan Heavy Arms: The Dreadnought Assault Tank
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Propaganda News Reel begins playing:
Dusk of the 24th of December; Burgess Hill, 40 miles south of London. The hitherto quiet small town was a hotbed of activity, swarming with British troops hastily digging in. Operation Sealion had finally arrived on British shores in full force, and all along the southern British coast, defenders were fully engaged in heavy combat with the massive invasion force.
10 miles south of Burgess Hill, the brave defenders at Brighton beach had put up a ferocious defense, pushing back repeated waves of German landing forces, but the enemy seemed to have limitless numbers. On and on, they came, heedless of their losses. After holding them back from sun up to nearly sun down, the beach's beleaguered defense finally collapsed, exhausted, out of ammunition and overcome by repeated Luftwaffe bombing runs. The path to London now lay open. Or was it?
Ad hoc infantry unit of the Home Guard man a Blacker Bombard
Along the outskirts of Burgess Hill, the men of 5th Battalion, Royal Sussex Regiment nervously fidgeted in their hastily dug trenches and foxholes, checking and re-checking their weapons and ammunition. The battalion was an infantry battalion; it boasted little in the way of heavy firepower and they knew it. Between the 600 of them, they had a dozen Boys 0.55 AT rifles, a pair of towed 2 pounder cannon, and a single machine gunned armed Mark VIC light tank scrounged up from a training depot. Nonetheless, they were prepared to fight.
A dust cloud appeared on the southern horizon, and was soon accompanied by the rumble of diesel engines and squeal of metal tracks. The Germans were coming, and coming in force. Distant hazy shapes resolved into the forms of Tauchpanzers III's and IV’s Having learnt their lessons from engaging British Matilda 2s at Arras, these Panzers had been upgunned, n
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
London, October 1940. It is an unusually bright and clear Monday morning; one might have almost called it cheerful had it not been for the dreadful buzzing drone coming from a marauding formation of Heinkel bombers.
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The fat-winged Germans lazily weave their way through black puffs of Ack Ack, seeking British heavy industry to pulverize. Hidden amongst the meandering Thames urban sprawl, a gleaming specimen of one such target stood quietly, its manufactory lines humming away unperturbed and its smokestacks pumping out thin wisps of vapor in casual defiance of the threat looming above their heads.
The Metropolitan Heavy Armaments Company
Compared to its rivals, the Metropolitan Heavy Armaments Company of Woolwich is a relatively youthful company, recently conglomerated under the helmsmanship of one charismatically moustachioed Lord Fairfield, GBE, a storied man whose exploits on the fields of France would have filled bookshelves.
Earning his post war wealth on the rubber plantations of Malaya, the demands of war have now caused him to turn his considerable wealth and attention to a far more lucrative industry: Arms Manufacture.
Metropolitan Heavy Armaments produces a bewildering array of military hardware, ranging from the mundane (camouflage netting, infantry mess kits and the like, to the unusual (Daimler armored car turrets, battleship armor plate and canal defense lights to name a few). They also make guns. Lots and lots of guns, from the humble licensed Colt Model 1911 pistol to monstrous BL 8 inch heavy cruiser cannons. Today, an opportunity for a new product line presents itself.
Cue stage right, as the magnificent moustache of Lord Fairfield heralds his appearance to greet the T.E.A.B.A.G delegation at the factory entrance.
“Good morning gentlemen!” booms the Lord Fairfield, glancing at his guests and then at the sky full of approaching German Bombers. “It looks like Jerry has invited himself to breakfast again, and as usual the RAF are late. Bloody typical of them. Please don your helmets and hearing protection. The factory’s ack ack shall be commencing operation short
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April 1960
Refits
1. To save costs and drydock space, the proposed refit of the battleship HMS Vanguard has been canceled. She will be placed back into the reserve fleet whilst she awaits disposal.
2. On the basis of practicality, the proposed refit to the three Minotaur class cruiser hulls has been canceled in favour of increasing the order of county class guided missile destroyers instead. An additional four vessels were purchased, to be laid down in 1961-62.
3. Refits to the Audacious class carriers Ark Royal & Eagle will continue as previously planned. Scrapping of Audacious will continue as previously planned.
Designs & Commissions & Decommissions
4. The last of the Type 41 Leopard class aircraft defense frigates have been launched, with the last of the five vessels being commissioned in late 1960.
5. The last of the Type 61 Salisbury class aircraft direction frigates have been launched, with the last of the four vessels being commissioned in mid 1960.
6. The last of the Type 12M Rothesay class frigates have been laid down, with nine expected to commission between mid 1960 and late 1961.
7. Construction of the Type 81 Tribal class sloops is now underway, with seven scheduled to be laid down between 1958 and 1960. commissioning is expected between late 1961 and mid 1964.
8. Construction of the Type 12I Leander class anti-submarine frigates is now underway, with ten scheduled to be laid down between 1959 and 1963. commissioning is expected between mid 1963 and early 1966.
9. Construction of the Fearless class amphibious assault vessels is expected to begin in 1962, with commissioning between late 1965 and mid 1967.
10. The last of the P class diesel-electric submarines have been launched, with the last of the eight vessels being commissioned in early 1961.
11. Construction of the O class diesel-electric submarines is now underway, with thirteen scheduled to be laid down between 1957 and 1961. commissioning is expected between early 1961 and early 1964.
12. Seven civilian tankers ranging from 17,470 to 26,480 tons have been procured to fill the support tanker roles for the royal fleet auxiliary. These vessels have been named the Leaf class.
*13. The design phase of a new class of command destroyer / cruiser to begin construction in the late 60s or early 70s should begin shortly. The vessel should be capable of operating within a fleet or independently, and should be desig
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
With the signing of the UK-US mutual defense agreement, work on Britain’s first atomic powered submarine program was able to jump ahead, aided by the knowledge of the US. With this assistance, final specifications have been drafted for the new submarine design.
Dreadnought is expected to use the currently under development Type 2001 active sonar, as the more streamlined Transducer conformal array has been deemed more beneficial to the design than the mature yet distinctive dome of the Type 187 seen in conventional attack submarines across the fleet. For surface search, Dreadnought is to be outfitted with the Type 1002 X-band surface & air search radar.
Dreadnought will make use of sx frontal torpedo tubes in a three wide layout, in order to make room for the large sonar system. Dreadnought will use either the Mark VIII** or Mk.20S torpedoes, of which she shall carry a combined twenty-four.
The Vickers Mk.IIa is a development of the Metropolitan-Vickers Mark II reactor, with development augmented by American reactor technology. The reactor is to use 40kg of high enriched uranium to produce around 20,000SHP. A land-based Mk.II reactor is currently on track to go critical in December of 1960, allowing crews to begin training with the design in 1961, prior to Dreadnought’s commissioning.
Vickers Armstrong Shipbuilders will then be in charge of building the submarine in Barrow-in-Furness. HMS Dreadnought will be laid down in June 1961, launched in late 1962 and commissioned in late 1965 at a cost of £19mn. She will carry a crew of 120, with each and every sailor representing the pride of the Royal Navy.
| Stat | Stat |
|---|---|
| Length | 90.3m |
| Beam | 9.80m |
| Draft | 7.90m |
| Displacement (surfaced / submerged) | 3,800 tons / 4,500 tons |
| Operational Dive Depth | 300m |
| Speed (surfaced / submerged) | 20 knots / 28knots |
| Range | Practically unlimited |
| Armament | 6x 533mm torpedo tubes, 24 torpedoes. |
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
