How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
To all the members of this subreddit, an open letter:
What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?
The British parliament finally approved the final draft of the Brexit letter to the European Union.
Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?
The deceased was an organ donor.
The queen liked my girlfriend so much, she immediately made her an honorary member of the royal family...
She was really empressed!
Which member of the Addams Family loves dead memes?
It is Wednesday, my dudes.
If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
How do the members of Blink-182 like to eat their hummus?
With naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan naan-naan-naan-naan!
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
What do you say to a woman who has given birth to members of the military?
Thank you for your cervix.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Why would a member of The Muppets be arrested?
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
The European Union is disgusting. Don't believe me?
I have a plan for a new side-hustle. I’m gonna do personal training for members of the band that recorded ‘Lola’ and ‘You Really Got Me’. It’s a good plan...
I just have to work out a few Kinks.
The three members of the *cult*ery
The State of the Union is a pun
It's stating the state that the 50 states are in
what kind of nap is illegal in 50 states and the district of columbia
My wife accused me of always stating the obvious.
I replied, "That's what you think!"
The European Union is held together by EU rope
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Did you hear about the depressive state of US?
Went to the grocery store and asked for 3 pounds of potatoes. "We don't have pounds", the grocer stated, "only kilos".
Annoyed, I went, "fine. I'll take 3 pounds of kilos then".
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, ‘The Colour of Magic’, Prologue.
Friend: ...my wife is uncomfortable with them because they’ve joined the church of Satan. Like, he showed me his membership card. They’re paid members, man.
Me: well; someone has to pay the devil’s dues
Friend: damn it.
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
If you organize the 50 states in descending order by admittance to the Union...
Then Pennsylvania would be the pennultimate state.
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
I interrogated a member of the duck gang today.
Thankfully he quacked under the pressure...
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
How do members of the Catholic Church pay each other?
They use papal transactions
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
Why should you always wear a condom when having sex with a member of the Dark Side?
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
I’m a member of the anti apostrophe league.
Do not even get me started.
How much space will Brexit free up from the European Union?
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
