A list of puns related to "Mayoral"
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
Electile dysfunction
Bürgermeister!
Goes to show that it’s important to vote in elections.
I asked if he'd vote for me if I ran for gour-mayor of our town.
E-male.
He’s not a bad politchicken... 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
He’s a Night Mayor
He keeps voting Nay
It’s nice to see a politician make good on a concrete policy proposal.
He’s a total night mayor.
He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."
Something like that might be a good joke... someday...
Alright everybody, this is the last straw.
Who's right? You Buttigieg.
Now if you want one you have to get a Minnesota
but he said it would be anarkey to give it away.
Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked “what’s wrong?”
The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, “you can talk?”
“Yes” the well said, “long ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”
“Alas” the woman said, “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”
“Do not be afraid” the well said, “I will take care of this.”
The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.
See moral above for the pun...
Recently e-cigs/vapes have been banned on city property and public transit.
Screenshot from Twitter: http://imgur.com/40Sq0qK
I like to call him Mayor May Not
He was a roll model.
My dad has never been prouder.
"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."
Mayor Maynot
I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.
My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.
Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that “they were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.
This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.
By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm
... keep reading on reddit ➡They just needed the mayor to green light the project
This mayor may not work...
News story coming on about Rob Ford
Mum: "Turn it up, I want to watch this thing about the Toronto Mayor"
Sister: "About the what?"
Dad: "About Rob Ford, apparently he's a real night-mayor"
In regards to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the cocaine and drunken stupor scandal...
My dad: "Rob's Ford should be recalled"
slow clap
Edit: spelling
http://i.imgur.com/gjGiE7n.png
For those too lazy to click:
Dad posts a picture on my Facebook timeline that says, "MADISON NGUYEN FOR SAN JOSE MAYOR." His caption reads, "If Madison takes the election, it will be a Nguyen-win situation."
Sister comments: "Ugh."
Mom comments: "Double ugh!!!"
I comment: "Nguyen pho mayor!"
My dad was picking me up at the airport yesterday. I had just flown in from Denver. After reading an article on reddit, I paid more attention to the apocalyptic artwork around the airport, and decided to ask my dad if he had heard of any conspiracy theories.
DAD: Wouldn't surprise me if that were true, what with all the scandal surrounding Mayor Peña.
ME: Who was that?
DAD: He was the mayor of Denver for a long time. They named the street Peña Boulevard after him even! It's crazy. I heard they even wanted to name town hall after him.
ME: But they didn't because of a scandal...?
DAD: Nah. They just felt weird naming it the "Hall of Peña". Get it, Jalapeño?
ME: ...
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