A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
“Inflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friend—
— “Yesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my credit—and it fit.”
What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's a**?
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
What did the man say to the hooker when she walked up to him?
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...
I thought, “Well he's pushing his luck!”
There was an article I read about this man who hasn’t woken up in years in Washington
A man woke up to find out that he was connected to a constant source of water.
He was quite irrigated about it.
What do you call a man who was force fed chocolate and peanut butter then chopped up?
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says
"You're nuts!" and bolts.
At a funeral, a little old man goes up to the grieving widow.
"May I say a word?"
Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"
"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?
He lost the other in Nom.
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
A man was arrested for beating up someone with a battery-shaped dildo
He was charged with sexual battery.
A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.
“Grande macchiato with oat milk, please.”
The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
“I’m not”, said the barista, “it’s a coughy filter”.
I was walking up the aisle at my local Home Depot and spotted a cranky looking old man in an orange vest.
“Excuse me, could you help me?” I asked.
He grunted in response, barely looking at me.
“Um, I’m looking for a way to keep my dogs in my backyard. Do you know where those electric leashes are? I’m trying to decide if I should try that or just block it off with a fence or something.”
He turned to face me and looked me up and down with disdain, “Do we look like a pet store?” And he turned around and walked away.
I took a fence.
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his arse
The doctor said his condition was stable
Ladies: If you think your man has trouble "opening up,"
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
A man held up a pizza joint at knifepoint
No one knows who’ll get the slice
Ah man just a repost from a wrong sub. Lets get to 58 up
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.
If Iron Man and Sliver Surfer teamed up, what would they be?
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
A guy came up to me and said, “Man your clothes are so gay”
I said, “I know, they came out of the closet this morning”
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