What if Iron man and Silver surfer teamed up?
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
Did you hear about the man you set up a shark fishing school in Australia?
It cost him an arm and a leg...
A man goes up to a wind turbine.
Man: Are you a fan of music
Turbine: Yeah I’m a big metal fan
Did you hear that Iron Man and the Silver Surfer are teaming up?
They're going to be alloys.
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.
He was protesting against violins in schools.
A man with a guitar walked up to me and said that he had a case of writers block.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
“Inflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friend—
— “Yesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my credit—and it fit.”
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's a**?
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
What did the man say to the hooker when she walked up to him?
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.
One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.
"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...
I thought, “Well he's pushing his luck!”
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man woke up to find out that he was connected to a constant source of water.
He was quite irrigated about it.
There was an article I read about this man who hasn’t woken up in years in Washington
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
What do you call a man who was force fed chocolate and peanut butter then chopped up?
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do by raising one leg?
At a funeral, a little old man goes up to the grieving widow.
"May I say a word?"
Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"
"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?
He lost the other in Nom.
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says
"You're nuts!" and bolts.
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?
Ah man just a repost from a wrong sub. Lets get to 58 up
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.
A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.
“Grande macchiato with oat milk, please.”
The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?”
“I’m not”, said the barista, “it’s a coughy filter”.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
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