What if Iron man and Silver surfer teamed up?

They would be alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray

The man asks "is this good for wasps?"

The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".

I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.

He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.

"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.

"Oh, This is Michelle"

This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwrdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoalaTeaNip
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man you set up a shark fishing school in Australia?

It cost him an arm and a leg...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A man goes up to a wind turbine.

Man: Are you a fan of music

Turbine: Yeah I’m a big metal fan

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Iron Man and the Silver Surfer are teaming up?

They're going to be alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Super_Bakon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?

Well at least they took a stab at it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A man with a guitar walked up to me and said that he had a case of writers block.

Nothing to fret about.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KinglerKong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes

"I artichoke you for that"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œInflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friendβ€”

β€” β€œYesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my creditβ€”and it fit.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's a**?

A mechanic.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the man say to the hooker when she walked up to him?

What can I do ya for?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2squaredJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street when he looks into an alley and sees 2 sharks standing up.

One shark hands the other one a small packet full of some suspicious white powder.

"That's some fishy business" the man remarks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet...

I thought, β€œWell he's pushing his luck!”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A man woke up to find out that he was connected to a constant source of water.

He was quite irrigated about it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
There was an article I read about this man who hasn’t woken up in years in Washington

I guess he’s in a Tacoma

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthatbrownguy91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his butt.

The doctors described his condition as stable.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealWingnut
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who was force fed chocolate and peanut butter then chopped up?

Reese’s Pieces

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firepower98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do by raising one leg?

Shake hands.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
At a funeral, a little old man goes up to the grieving widow.

"May I say a word?"

Sniffling, the widow agrees. The old man clears his throat, "Plethora"

"The widow smiles. "Thanks, that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the gingerbread man wind up with one leg?

He lost the other in Nom.

πŸ‘︎ 382
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks up to a crazy robot and says

"You're nuts!" and bolts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMoonIsLonely
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?

He raised the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Ah man just a repost from a wrong sub. Lets get to 58 up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mliepins11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.

He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Iron Man and the Silver Surfer is teaming up for the next movie to fight crime.

They are alloys.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
A local man shows up to his local Starbucks for his daily cup of coffee.

β€œGrande macchiato with oat milk, please.”

The cashier started to process his order, until the man asked β€œWhy are you wearing a surgical mask?”

β€œI’m not”, said the barista, β€œit’s a coughy filter”.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?

Because with great power, comes great response ability.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsakSolarInte
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.

" I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Salamander7965
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

i know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."

Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well

πŸ‘︎ 313
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ljpicklefeet20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied, β€œI know. I amputated your arms!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".

I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommZ5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anam_Cara
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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