In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 660
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 750
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Whatβs the difference between a live pyre and a dead pyre?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Hugh Jackman is making a live action Frosty movie where he joins the circus!
Itβs called The Greatest Snowman.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
What do you call a guy who lives in a hole ?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
Iβve always wanted to live in a lighthouse...
Iβve been on and off the idea for years.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What do you call a bee and a horse that live in the same neighborhood?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What kind of habitat does a rabbit live in?
A rabitat.
My six year old just cooked this up; you're welcome.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
What animals love to live in a sewer?
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so heβd have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess weβll call him Eggplant now
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"
https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
What do you call a vengeful Australian spell caster who lives on the beach?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
What has more lives than a cat? β¦
β¦ the frog in my garden. It croaks every night!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
What a sexist society we live in, today is National Daughter's Day and it's celebrated once a year.....
But we celebrate Son day every week!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said Iβm sure theyβre fine, itβs just a stage theyβre going through.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Thereβs a horse that lives next door to me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
My daughter tells me that she wants to live in a nice house with her friends when they all have stable jobs.
I said, βWell sweetie, thatβs nice, but I just canβt see you and your friends shoveling manure for a living.β
To which she replied, βOh no? I thought you said that I could be president if I wanted to!β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Iβve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman
Itβs better to be honest, I just want to be transparent
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
In England, if you pay money to live in a toilet, you can tell people you're a loo tenant
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
What is brown, wrinkled, and lives in a tower?
The lunch bag of Notre Dame
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
What do you call a group of horses and male swine that live on a farm nearby?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
What is a snakes favorite place to live ?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
People believe we live in a computer simulation.
If so, our lives must be scripted.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
We live in a society
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
My best friend lives in Prague and is a real chess enthusiast.
I call him my Czech mate.
π︎ 31
π
︎ May 22 2020
Where does a spirit of a cat live?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
There is a lady who lives down the street from me who only eats plants.
Youβve probably never heard of herbivore.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 03 2020
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
I live alone on a lake
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months
π︎ 594
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
I live in a Tudor mansion
There's a front one and a back one
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
π︎ 100
π
︎ Sep 04 2019
Hey kids! Get in here! We're playing Quake with a bunch of cows, and then watching a Disney live action remake about a legendary female warrior!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.
The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
What do you call a small, male horse that lives next to you?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ May 01 2020
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
Who has more lives than a cat?
A frog. They croak every night.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 24 2020
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 24 2019
When I was in college, I used to live in a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 05 2020
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
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