Little Hug Puns

So this surgeon always posts pictures of the masks he wears during his surgery on Instagram. He does this every single time he has a surgery, and his nurses can never understand why. Eventually, he garners a massive following on Instagram. So, he goes into his supervisor's room, and he says, "Hello, it's a pleasure to see you". The supervisor says, "To what do I owe the pleasure?" The surgeon says, "Well, my Instagram business is really taking off. I think it would be better for me to quit being a surgeon and focus on Instagram full time". The supervisor thinks he's a little crazy but decides to let him do what he wants. The former surgeon now goes and buys as many masks as he can to sustain his Instagram account. Eventually, he becomes so wealthy that he is able to buy all these lavish things and not have to worry about economic failure. However, one day, he decides to begin posting pictures of medical needles on his Instagram account instead of masks at about the same time that he gets a horrible sickness that is almost always fatal. Because he posts pictures of masks now, his account begins failing, and even though he tries to save it, he's unable. He no longer has any money to treat the illness and is on his deathbed. His entire family is surrounding him, and his father leans in to hug him. As this happens, the ex-surgeon says in a weak voice, "Dad, where did I go wrong?" The dad, with tears in his eyes, seeing what his son has been reduced to and sadly knowing his dear son's death is imminent says, "You post syringe, you lose subscriber"

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

My dad passed away in 2001. He was passionate about technology and into all things tech, my mom was telling me a story about the first computer he built and how he was so excited to have it back in the mid 90's.

"Your dad used to walk in the door and yell "Hi honey! I'm Home! Did you miss me?" while dropping his bags and taking off his shoes, I'd say hi back and ask him how his day was when he would smile and walk right past me to hug his computer and give it a little kiss, then turn to me and say "Oh hey honey" "

I busted up laughing, now knowing where I get my sense of humor.

Explaining to her during bedtime snuggle that I'm about to make it so her bed is much higher than her little brother's...

Her- "oh like a junk bed?" Me- "no silly, it's a bunk bed" Her- "oh yeah (sheepishly), bunk bed" Snuggle a bit more Her- "do you know why it's called a bunk bed daddy?" Me- "no" Her- "because it's so high when you sit up you "bunk" your head on the ceiling" Me- hugs her tightly

Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Target to get some clearance Halloween stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone b/c I'm getting a little uncomfortable. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mama' to me?" Inside I was like buuuuh?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like $40 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this horrible person, ready to drag her back in, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg hard enough that her wooden leg came off!! Omg how is this happening right now?! So I grabbed her other leg and started pulling! Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

Fiance: "I'm feeling a little bit light headed." -proceeds to put head into the hands of my sister as if hands were a scale.

I clapped for about 20 seconds and then gave him a hug.

Some friends and I got together and went to a pub to celebrate the turning of the year.

We ordered our food and drinks a few minutes before 12am. As it struck midnight, the entire bar celebrated, and all the waitresses took a break and hugged and wished each other.

It took them a while to get back to serving all the orders. When our waitress finally brought our order, it was well past midnight.

At this point I couldn't stop giggling like a little school girl, but my friends gave me a look of disapproval.

As she was putting the dishes on the table, I said to her, "What took you so long? We've been waiting all year".

Dead silence.

One out my friends looks down in shame, the other looked to the waitress, waiting for her reaction.

She had frozen, her arm holding the dish above the table. Without looking directly at me, she said in dry voice "good one".

But as she put the remainder of the order on the table and turned away, I saw a smile on her face.

This has been a high point for me all year long.