What did Darth Vader say when his car broke down 3 miles outside of town?

The empire hikes back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shua_mc
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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My sex life is like Abraham Lincoln's.

My last four scores were seven years ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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If Apple made a car what would it be missing?

Windows

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moplex1234
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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The car dealership in my town just doubled its size.

Now it can offer a whole lot more.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

Carlos

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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At what temperature does car engines work best at?

Vroom temperature.

πŸ‘︎ 700
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2021
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What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?

A taxi

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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They're building a mirror factory in my town

I could see myself working there.

πŸ‘︎ 406
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mars-is-hot
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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The roofing business in my town is offering an excellent promotion.

If you buy one roof, it’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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A theif has been stealing all the wheels from police cars

The police has been working tirelessly to get him

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoe_Bum_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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Apparently someone in my town has been stealing the wheels off police cars

They’ve been working tirelessly to find him

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsaustinjones
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.

"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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The cops in my town are having a hard time catching the thieves who are stealing futons from stores.

They are probably lying low.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Why couldn't Abraham Lincoln be arrested?

He's in a cent

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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A man was driving down the road when his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before.

The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk.” The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks." In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QualityProof
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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Went to a club called Ghost Town the other day but had to leave cos of the smell.

Too much farting on the dancefloor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeomanroach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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I always get nostalgic putting my car in reverse.

It really takes me back

πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncenseAndIron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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What’s a Lincoln’s favorite meal?

Continental breakfast.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rrenphoenixx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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How did they realize the town baker robbed the Barnes and Noble?

There was a donut hole in his story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caverypca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2021
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Did you hear about Dr. Suess' new book about a Japanese warrior in the town of Whoville?

It's called Sam-are-i

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eagleboy444
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
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What sound does a witches car make?

Broom broom

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellBumWee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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I’ve been trying to get a hover car business started

but I can’t get it off the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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Today I got out of jail, pushed my car into a hotel, and ended up bankrupt.

I love playing Monopoly.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2021
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Have you heard about the guy going around different towns and jabbing people with knitting needles?

Police believe he is following some sort of pattern

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-am-Just-Sam
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Have you noticed that cars are less controllable in video games than in real life?

It's because they're on a hard drive.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ridley_Himself
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine and wooden gearbox?

It wooden start

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/batchyyyyy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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Why shouldn’t you work on a muffler while the car is running?

It’s exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
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Little known fact about Forest Gump. Given his incredible initiative he was known about town as…

Forrest Gumption

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
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My bank sells repo cars. The other day, they had a Lincoln sedan for sale...

I pulled beside the shiny car, beaming at the price and quality...except I noticed the back passenger door seemed have water dripping out the side panel. I giggled to myself:

Might as well call it a'Leakin, amirite?

😎😎😎😎😎

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurbsideChaos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..

..do you just get exhausted ?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Which side is the steering wheel on in a car?

The driver's side, typically.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..

..that I can pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 394
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What did the parrot say when it saw its car driving away?

MA CAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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My buddy ended up selling his cat themed car for a lower price

It still looked great, but over the years, it started to lack in purrformance

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArzanishShumak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snidawgg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Cars ain't rocket.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Why do crows get hit by trucks more often than cars?

Cuz they can warn their buddies about β€˜cah’s, but not trucks.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Ad9759
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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A man is washing his car with his son…

His son asks, β€œCan’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoredBanana8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
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I've invented a car that runs on herbs.

It's called thyme-travel.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonutLord23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Penny production with Abraham Lincoln’s face seems to be quite low this year.

It’s only one percent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Parking a single car doesn’t require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I just found out that β€œLincoln” made about $300 million in movie theatres.

Which is weird. Lincoln usually doesn’t do too well in theatres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Gottemm
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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Why doesn’t Spider man have a Spider car?

Because it would drive him up the fucking wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marketermatty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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I rear-ended a car once

The driver was a surprisingly short man who came stumbling out and walked up to me and said "I am not happy"

To which I responded "well then which one are you?"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samdamaniac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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What kind of car would a ghost drive?

A boogatti!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2021
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Police are warning electric car drivers their cars have enough charge for the entire journey.

If you run out of electricity, you could be charged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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I've just seen a traffic accident in town, a police car crashed into a fire engine.

I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Back in the 90s,there was a man stealing tyres from police cars belonging to my precinct.

We had to work tirelessly to find the culprit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the Italian chef get start his car?

Because he had gnocchi.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zion2199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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