My English is good. But after learning about comparatives,

it is getting better.

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👤︎ u/keychainoi
📅︎ Sep 26 2020
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I move America last month and I'm still try to learning English

Teacher : Juan, create a sentence using the word "harmony"

Me: i tell my girlfriend that my money is harmony. We share everything together.

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👤︎ u/Slymood
📅︎ Aug 27 2020
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I've been learning Chinese (Mandarin). I told my friend I preferred writing Chinese in English letters versus the phonetic characters.

He said, "Well, that's your Pinyin".

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📅︎ Nov 17 2016
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I've learned 99% of the English language.

I'm almost their.

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👤︎ u/simplyGagi
📅︎ Oct 09 2019
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Argument at family dinner...
👍︎ 22k
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📅︎ Mar 23 2020
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My doughter just learned all about the basics of sentence structure in her English class.

She is a pronoun

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📅︎ Sep 28 2018
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So I suggested that we learn about Kendrick Lamar in English...

The teacher said, "no, you're gonna study Ozymandias, ya Bysshe."

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📅︎ Mar 21 2017
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Make an entire Q of these.
👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Dec 02 2019
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

*insert laugh track here*

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👤︎ u/Froxaii
📅︎ Jun 02 2019
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Just saw my son crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is.

To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."

👍︎ 6k
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👤︎ u/jskoker
📅︎ Aug 15 2017
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My girlfriend's parents probably expect to be grandparents after this one

My girlfriend's mom was opening her Christmas gift when her sister asks why the wrapping paper says "Snow time" on it since there is no snow this Christmas.

I immediately come back with,

"Because there is snow time like the present!"

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Mistafyed
📅︎ Dec 26 2015
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Dad and daughter come into the restaurant I work at. He was crackin me up the whole time.

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/Riggy60
📅︎ Aug 25 2013
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Me and my brother talk about running...

and as I'm holding my month-old daughter I say: I can't run because of my knees.

And after a few seconds, my wife says: "She's not your niece, she's your daughter."

Me and my brother were astound and pissed ourselves laughing.

P.S. I'm U.S., she's Croatian, she never learned English in her entire life.

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👤︎ u/Fatjuice
📅︎ Jan 18 2019
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Dad joked my teacher

Him - "This stuff is easy. My son in grade 6 is learning how to translate shapes right now."

Me - "I didn't realize there was a difference between a French square and an English square."

Took him a moment, but he groaned and shook his head. I saw the smile he was trying to hide.

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📅︎ May 29 2014
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Dadjoked the guy whose kids I babysat a while ago.

When I was in high school, I babysat 2 boys (who at the time of this story, were aged 7 and 10) for some extra cash. One day I was eating dinner with the family when the younger brother said that he couldn't wait to be in the fourth grade like his older brother.

"It's not that great," said the older one. "Once you're in the fourth grade, you have to read a bunch of books for a summer reading log and write a report on one." (In my county, there are mandatory summer assignments, the most common ones are English assignments.)

Their dad said, "Summer projects are good! They help stimulate your brain over the summer! If you don't brush up on your education for those three months, you could lose all of your smartness and never get it back!"

Older brother: "Yeah right. And how did you find that out?"

Me: "Well, they do say that firsthand experience is the best way to learn."

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👤︎ u/lauralola
📅︎ May 03 2014
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I’ve learned 99% of the English language.

I’m almost their!

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📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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