"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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A man in an interrogation room says, β€œI’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Hyde my dude
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriccinSlicc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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What do lawyers wear to work everyday?

Their lawsuit.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Why do Chicken coops only have 2 doors?..

Because if they have four, they would be chicken sedans..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Td0123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
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A pun courtesy of my 8 year old

What do you call a crappy lawyer?

An a-turd-ney

This was originally posted in r/jokes, but someone thought it would be better here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgoblue99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Dad's favorite joke is coming to an end. Its kinda long.

What you need to know: We have a grocery store called Dominick's.

Artie and Dominick grew up in the same neighborhood and were best friends. But after highschool, they parted ways.

20 years later, they bump into each other on the street and the friends have a happy reunion. They talk about their lives after they left their old neighborhood. Dominick is a very wealthy lawyer and Artie is a mobster. Artie turns to Dominick and says "If you need anything at all, I'll get it for ya. Just ask."

Dominick :Well there is one thing... Artie: Anything. Dominick: Well I can't stand my wife. Could you get rid of her? Artie: Of course! Dominick: Wait! You're my friend, I gotta pay you for this. Artie: I can't take your money. Dominick: I have to give you something! Artie: Fine, give me a dollar.

So Dominick hands him a dollar and tells Artie when he'll be at work. The next day, Artie slips into the house and strangles the wife but as soon as her body hits the ground, the maid walks in. So Artie strangles her too, but as soon as her body hits the ground, the butler walks in. Artie strangles the butler and then the police burst in.

The next day in the papers, the head line reads: "Artie Chokes Three for a Dollar at Dominick's"

The end. My dad was saying the other day he won't be able to tell that joke anymore because Dominick's (the store) is closing where we live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheInvizible
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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Got my new classmate today.

Just went to this new class and started conversing with random people, then this girl says that her dad is in Turkey.

Girl: "Yeah, he's a lawyer and travels a lot"

Other classmate: "Oh that's cool, does he ever bring you anything from the places he visits?"

Girl: "Yeah he normally does."

Me: "Let me guess, I bet this time he'll bring you Turkey!"

To which some classmates rolled their eyes and she smiled and said she was a vegetarian, but it was a funny joke. I think I made a great first impression.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremiah1119
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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