I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Clouds of mist walked along the ponds, making ripples along the shallow surfaces.
But the mist could not touch that orange, glowing shield which sprouted out of the white tree. Instead, the shield hissed and burned away the fog, making it swirl angrily in that wavering heat.
Behind him, Laykis was tense. Ready to throw herself at whatever came out of the mists. Her eyes flickered rapidly, illuminating the clouds in bright flashes of light.
Poire could almost see them. They were huge, taller than the tallest trees on Thrass. They leaned over the mists, so that he could see hints of bark and vines and machine stretching up into the fog. He could hear the organic creaks and groans and whine of metal joints badly in need of maintenance as they settled into place.
They were surrounded.
How easy would it be for them to crush this tree, shield and all? Or could the orange plasma protect him?
He doubted it.
Poire turned back to the white tree, and to that face made of energy. It was projected out of the tips of the red fungus that crawled up the tree. It was hairless, a bald thing, with blank red eyes and a blank, red expression. And when it spoke, its lips and muscles moved too smoothly to be natural.
“Is it time to wake?”
Who would make such a thing? Poire wondered. It was almost repulsive to look at. A crude imitation of a human being.
And yet, this was undoubtedly human technology. And the shield… that was human technology, too. Not as advanced as the shield he had summoned over the Cauldron, which meant this tech must be older than his conclave.
“What do you mean by ‘wake?’” Poire asked. “Who are you?”
“We are Keepers. The Heart made us to watch. To wait for an administrator. Are you one?”
“How would I know if I am?”
“An administrator must be created by a pre-existing administrator.”
“And what if there aren’t any?”
“Aren’t any what?”
“Existing admins.”
Its lips frowned in a semblance of confusion. And then, its face shifted back to a neutral expression, blank, and unassuming. The movement was so unnatural, it almost made Poire shiver.
“We do not have instructions for that case,” the face said. “Please contact your nearest administrator. If you c
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
They’re on standbi
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
