I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
Here we go, the whole story has been building to this moment, now this is not the end by any means, in fact, this is kind of the beginning, sorry it took me 9 chapters to get you here. For anyone wondering, the Yeown are a matriarchal society, they have a 3 female to 1 male gender disparity, and this leads the females to aggressively fight for mates, so while the males have sturdier bodies, the females are generally the more aggressive and dominant. just so ya know. Anyways, Please Enjoy.
+ Prologue + Previous + Next +
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Chapter 9
Strange Friends for Strange Times
Creesh was terrified, she was usually a bit scared but tonight she was panicking. There was an alarm going off outside her cell of a room and no one was telling her anything. She flapped her wings in frustrated anguish and miserably hopped to the farthest corner of her room. Trying to look very small she pressed herself against the wall. Maybe if she did so hard enough the wall would allow her to disappear and this whole nightmare would finally be over. She tucked her feathered head under her wings and tried to think happy thoughts, but there was too much noise and screaming. Then the sound of her door opening reached her ears and she started to tremble. Soft steps could be felt approaching her location but she stayed tightly curled, awaiting the inevitable sharp pain that preceded oblivion. The footsteps stopped right next to her, she could hear raspy breathing and feel the tiny stir of air, then her murderer sank down beside her and she stiffened, but the blow did not fall. Shivering, she could not bring herself to look death in the face, for as strong as she was among her kind, she was still cowardly and weak. Then it happened, she felt a soft caress along her feathered back, shuddering for a few moments more, she allowed the relaxing contact to sooth her nerves and finally peaked out from her wing. The sight that greeted her should have been terrifying, two bright green predator eyes peered at her only inches away, long teeth glinted sharply in the flickering lights, but she was not afraid. Lifting her head, she reached one of her wing graspers out towards the horrifying visage, gently placing her fingers on t
... keep reading on reddit ➡I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Posters Preface*: I recently was given memoirs that were written by my Great Grandfather, Stanley Dalbec. I am working on transitioning this to a word document and wanted to share the stories with this group as I found them highly interesting and gives the reader a good understanding of what life was like for an officer in the Navy during WW2. Please enjoy.*
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
More of them, fewer of us
We arrived in Chester, PA, on February 2, 1942. While I herded my crew through the paperwork trail of Com4 (FOURTH Naval District), the Sun Oil shipyard in Marcus Hook, and onto the Texas Sun, Lolette went house hunting in Chester.
Chester was a merchant marine town, and at the time to them the Navy was an outfit from somewhere else. They could recognize an enlisted sailor suit, but not an officer’s uniform. Once, when I bought tickets at a movie house that offered lower prices to servicemen, I was asked what branch of the service I was in.
So, when she inquired at rooming houses about rentals, and said she was a Navy officer’s wife, she was met with some skepticism. One rooming house lady told her, “when you show up with your husband and your baggage, we’ll discuss it”. She got half a block down the street before the implication hit her. She didn’t go back there!
Chester is serval miles southwest of Philadelphia, on the bank of the Delaware River. Sun (Oil Co.) Station where the Texas Sun was berthed, is at Marcus Hook, a few miles farther down the river.
We reported aboard and were settled in. I had a cabin in the officer’s quarters in the midships deckhouse, on the main deck. This is the standard arrangement on merchant ships. The gun crew was given quarters in the ship’s crew space.
The Master of the Texas Sun was Capt. Olson, one of the Sun Oil Co.’s most senior and highly respected ship captains.
During World War I and into the early 1920’s, the United States built a large numbe
... keep reading on reddit ➡Heard they've been doing some shady business.
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
[Removed]
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
It was about a weak back.
