Captain Kirks wife has just opened a new lingerie shop.

Its called Shatner Knickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?

Just Klingon, I’ll go get help!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What does Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?

They both fight Klingons around Uranus.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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What did Bones say to Captain Kirk at the river crossing?

Dam it, Jim (Be gentle it’s my cake day)

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet?

Because William Shatner

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Why does Capt Kirk use wet wipes?

Klingons.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jgpitre
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Captain Kirk finally came up with a name for his invention: a cross between a hose nozzle, a spoon, and a fork.

He called it Mister Spork.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Captain Kirk goes to Sickbay. "Bones, I have a problem."

McCoy says, "What is it, Jim?"

Kirk replies, "I can't stop singing 'Delilah' and 'The Green Green Grass of Home'. What's wrong with me?"

McCoy doesn't even stand up. "You've got 'Tom Jones Syndrome', Jim."

Kirk looks shaken, "Dear God. Is it rare?"

McCoy smiles, "It's not unusual."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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Did you hear about the new Captain Kirk toilet paper?

It goes where no man has gone before in search of the dreaded Klingons

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBskierbum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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What's Captain Kirk's favorite kind of radish?

Daikon.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
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Why did Kirk fall off?

He could't Klingon.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL_Doc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2015
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When exploring I always wear my Captain Kirk underwear . . .

So I can boldly go where no man has gone before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GildorInglorion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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What does Capt. Kirk say when his first mate does something amazing

That was Spocktacular!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newkindathing
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
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Why can Captain Kirk hear so well?

Because he has three ears: a left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

This has been copied from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9309001

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aembleton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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Did ya hear Captain Kirk has brought out a new line of ladies underwear?

He calls them Shatner-pants.

100% genuine dad joke my dad just told me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morbid_Saint
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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Friend of mine posted this on Facebook

Working with dad today : Dad : 'here's sone earplugs mate. You're only getting two .'

Me: 'thats fine I only have two ears '

Dad :' not everyone has two ears you know , some people have three '

Me : ' like who ? '

Dad :' well captain kirk had one left ear , one right ear , and a final frontier '

And my disappointed face leads him into hysterics haha .

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xecuter88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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What did spock find in the USS Enterprise toilet?

Captains log.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarradinesSon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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Is Michael Giacchino the greatest Star Trek Dad Joker in the world?

He must have it in his Genes.

But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.

Star Trek

  1. Star Trek

  2. Nailin' The Kelvin

  3. Labor Of Love

  4. Hella Bar Talk

  5. Enterprising Young Men

  6. Nero Sighted

  7. Nice To Meld You

  8. Run And Shoot Offense

  9. Does It Still McFly?

  10. Nero Death Experience

  11. Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

  12. Back From Black

  13. That New Car Smell

  14. To Boldly Go

  15. End Credits

Star Trek Into Darkness

  1. Logos / Pranking The Natives

  2. Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps

  3. Sub Prime Directive

  4. London Calling

  5. Meld-Merized

  6. The Kronos Wartet

  7. Brigadoom

  8. Ship To Ship

  9. Earthbound And Down

  10. Warp Core Values

  11. Buying The Space Farm

  12. The San Fran Hustle

  13. Kirk Enterprises

  14. Star Trek Main Theme

Star Trek Beyond

  1. Logo and Prosper

  2. Thank Your Lucky Star Date

  3. Night on the Yorktown

  4. The Dance of the Nebula

  5. A Swarm Reception

  6. Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard

  7. Jaylah Damage

  8. In Artifacts as in Life

  9. Franklin, My Dear

  10. A Lesson in Vulcan Mineralogy

  11. MotorCycles of Relief

  12. Mocking Jaylah

  13. Crash Decisions

  14. Krall-y Krall-y Oxen Free

  15. Shutdown Happens

  16. Cater-Krall in Zero G

  17. Par-tay for the Course

  18. Star Trek Main Theme

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegeneral400
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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Oh, dad! You got me!

I work at a Birkenstock store and I was talking to my dad about work yesterday.

Him: "I want to invent some really futuristic sandals and I have the perfect name for them: Kirk 'n' Spocks!"

Groan

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leatheryhamster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
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Guy at work said this, must be a dad

If James Kirk and Darth Vader went to a club, would that be dancing with the stars?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Will2Survive
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2013
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3! The left ear, the right ear, and his final front-ear.

πŸ––

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khunter610
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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Did you know that Captain Kirk has three ears?

A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smedlington
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3: a left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotakekeSlider
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3 1 left ear 1 right ear And the final front ear

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deeman_27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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How many ears does Capt Kirk have?

A left ear, a right ear, and the Final Front-ear!

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dicksubmit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How many ears has captain Kirk got?

His left ear, his right ear, and the final front ear.

(A joke that my dad told me years ago)

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bakerie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
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How many ears does Spock have?

Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaveConnoisseur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Girlfriend dropped this gem on me today.

Her: "How many ears does Captain Kirk have?"

Me: "Uhhhhh, 2?

Her: " No, 3!"

Her: "A left ear..."

Her: "...a right ear..."

Her: "...and a final FRONT EAR!"

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirogoeth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2014
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