What happens when you try to kick a volcano?
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts.
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
My wife threatened to kick me out of the house if I did not stop acting like a Flamingo.
That was when I put my foot down!
I saw a burglar trying to kick in his own door, so I asked “What the hell are you doing?”
He said, “Like everyone else, I’m working from home.”
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.
More on this after the break.
The Chinese Coronavirus is really starting to kick people’s ass worldwide.
Should call it, Kung Flu.
I had to kick a friend out of my house party.
He was pissing off the front porch
Took this a couple minutes ago, i have to say the kicks are FIRE
As a pregnant woman, I find it hard to describe the almost magical feeling of what it's like when the baby kicks.
It's almost like an in the body experience
My laptop has been having alot of problems latly. I kind of just want to kick it out of my window.
I guess i would really be booting windows then.
Bono is still struggling to kick his smokeless tobacco habit...
He can't live with or without chew.
Know what my grandfather said to me, right before he kicked the bucket?
"How far ya think I can kick this bucket?"
The last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket?
I wonder how far I can kick this bucket
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
I was going to be a doctor but they kicked me out of med school when they found out I was a coward...
The dean said, "It takes guts to learn anatomy."
I told my son to quit kicking anthills
I was kicked out of the Police HQ tour when I asked to buy some merchandise
I just wanted some swat stickers
It was really easy to get kicked out of the Japanese air force
They had a zero Tolerance policy
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
I was kicked out of the karaoke bar for singing Highway To The Danger Zone 3 times in a row.
Too many Loggins attempts I guess.
What did the llama say to his girlfriend when she kicked him out of the house?
No probllama, alpaca my bags.
A Rabbi paid a visit to the village of "Trid," where they were being relentlessly kicked by an angry troll. The troll completely avoided the Rabbi, kicking only the locals. He finally approached the troll, and asked why.
The troll replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
I wanted to have a kicking contest against a donkey.
But I couldn't find one that I trusted. They were all real asses.
I tried to bring my dead friend to class with me, but the teacher kicked him out.
Guess he's too ghoul for school.
What should everyone do before kicking the bucket to make it as painless as possible?
Put on some steel toe boots!
^^^I'm ^^^so ^^^sorry
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, then line the hole with peas. When the polar bear goes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!
So 3 roads walked into a bar
A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"
Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"
Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"
As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"
The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"
"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".
I was talking to my dad about something serious and he said, "That reminds me of what your grandpa said before he kicked the bucket..."
I looked at him confused when he said, "I wonder how far I can kick that bucket."
My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with impersonating a news anchor...
More on this after the break.
The instructor in my self defense class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.
Personally, I think it’s nuts
Right before he kicked the bucket, my grandpa said to me:
"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
Do you know the last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
"Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket."
I'll never forget the last thing my dad said to me before he kicked the bucket.......
He said: "Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I'll always remember what my grandfather said to me just before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "Grandson...How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I'll never forget the last words my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket.
He said, son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket.
I still remember what my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket:
“How far do you think I can kick that bucket?”
I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I remember the last thing my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "watch me kick this bucket"
I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket
"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
I will always remember the last thing my grandmother said to me before she kicked the bucket.
She said ‘look how far I can kick this bucket’.
I can always remember the last words my Father said to me before he kicked the bucket
"Son, how far do you think I can kick that bucket?"
I'll never forget what my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket.
"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
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