Kees de Jager Puns

It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.

She asked for the Brazilian vax

Looks like it'll be tacos de reincarne for lunch!

Nish Inquisition.

A de-composer

"Utah kin to me?"

Sinko de Mayo

There was nothing left but de Brie.

In de-Nile

I feel like it kind of de-feeted the porpoise

“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”

Deodorant.

I said the joke would be too corny

I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.

I once knew this kid who grew up in the same suburban cul de sac as I did. He was hounding the kids in our little community to play hide and seek with him, but we were too busy playing tag and cops 'n' robbers to want to change games, and honestly the kid was a little strange.

One time, we were bored on a Sunday and this kid comes around and asks if we wanna play hide and seek. To the kids surprise, we all got up and followed him to this place he knew about called the abandoned airfield.

We had the best time playing with him, but he kept hiding behind one of the hangars and he would always get found first. I asked him why he kept hiding in the same place, to which he responded:

"My dad always said that the best place to hide something is in plane site."

De-calf-inated!

Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cālf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.

They call it Koo-Kee Do

De-calf-enated.

He was de-lighted.

Blow it out. Then it will be de-lighted!

His truck says, “We deliver for you.”

You get de-brie.

Then you will de-feet him

Web designing.

The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me

It’s called Eau De Lay He Who!

There was de-brie everywhere

...poor little guy, covered in Paris Sites.

Hush Puppies

There's nothing left but de brie

William DeFriend

The Man"DeLorean".

It's a seize and de-cyst order!

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as “Sinko De Mayo.”

"mom, I can't believe it; I'm in de-nile!"

The #1 place to take a leak.

It is in Des Moines look it up!

A cull-de-sack

They use a Nom Nom Nom de Plum

No time Toulouse

De-calf-inated

Hauté.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!

What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!

Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.

(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")

De-calf-inated

There is de Brie everywhere