In the movie Inside Out, what is Joy’s blood type?

B+

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Char0626
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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What do you call a joy con knife? a SWITCHBLADE

this plays off another, funnier post but i couldn't find it again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carlos_E_idiot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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How do you measure the speed of joy?...

In smiles per hour!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway2032015
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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They are definitely KINDER
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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A Font of Joy
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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I hope this *sparked* some joy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaybeDuck
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Why does the flat earther find a strange sense of joy in this pandemic?

. . . . .

All over the world countries are trying to flatten the curve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_brown_clown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My wife is so introverted she has JOMO

The Joy of missing out

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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This gave me a lot joy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/narwhal-lord14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. πŸ€ͺ🀣

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I think Nintendo produces their joy-cons on Tokyo

Because they drift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swanton141
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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It brings me joy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bsmyers479
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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A proud dad

My 7 year-year-old son knows me too well. When he's hungry, he becomes grumpy. The other day he said: "Papa, I'm hungry!! And please don't say 'hi hungry, I'm papa' ". I almost had tears of joy in my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anman4200
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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The joy of dinosaur puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/codevoid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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My dad asked if we wanted to see a picture of his pride and joy [x-post /r/funny]

He took this out of his wallet. Apparently he's been caring it around since the 80s: http://imgur.com/ri2NcWR. Making dad jokes before he was even a dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cali_grown22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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A woman goes up to her boyfriend and says "honey, I have some bad news for you. I'm pregnant". He looks her with tears of joy and pride in his eyes and says ...

"Hi pregnant, I'm dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thezekroman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What do you call a animal based childrens show about the joys of french citizenship

My little pony: frenchship is magic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultra_scrub
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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One of the joys of parenthood is to snuggle into your child’s bed during a thunderstorm to make sure they’re not scared.

But my daughter and her husband insist they can manage on their own.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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Today has been absolutely amazing. The amount of joy I've experienced is uncountable!

Happy Ο€ day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGayWildGoose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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The best way to get dad joked:

I know it's been done before, and many a dad before me and many a dad after me will get to experience this, but in these dark times this was a ray of light that pierced me right to the core with joy.

I came home, and my bright and bubbly ballerina 6 year old runs up and says can I have a hug!?

She asks very tentatively because she knows I have been out all day and the routine is for me to grab a shower (COVID) before I let them get all over me.

So I say, not yet I'm dirty.

She says awww... then she turns to walk away, but then spins back around and looks at me dead in the eye and says:

Hi! um...

wait a sec,

um, I know um,

um, wait.... dir...

[Face beams the biggest smile of accomplishment]

Hi Dirty! I'm [daughter]!

I know we have those proud moments when they turn, but man her delivery, the awkwardness, and the sheer pride she beamed out when she realized she just pulled the reverse dad joke on me...

It's not the getting reverse dad'd, it's the joy and pride she had... she could have just graduated college, and that's how big her beaming smile was right then...

It's a memory I am going to keep and it really lit up this dark time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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My friends grandfather asked Me if I wanted to see a picture of his "pride and joy"

When I said yes he pulled a picture of the cleaning products "pride" and "joy". The man carries these pictures in his wallet at all times.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Danny Brown's latest album was titled Atrocity Exhibition, after a Joy Division song.

The Joy Division song was in turn named after a novel by J. G. Ballard. This makes 'The Atrocity Exhibition' the book the song the album is named after is named after.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedKoiBlueKoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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When I want to experience intense ecstatic happiness, I reach for the bottle of dish washing liquid...

I like to feel Joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Want to see a picture of my pride and joy?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDeez444
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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A guy came into my office today and showed me a picture of his pride and joy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfect5outof7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
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You guys want to hear another joke about butter?

Idk it's pretty long... I was thinking about shortening it!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GawdFro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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I was walking down the street in Heaven, and I saw a guy selling smoothies made of love, joy, and peace

He said they were fruit smoothies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
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Wife: honey, I’m pregnant. We’re going to have our first kid.

Husband, with tears of joy going down his face:

Hi I’m pregnant. We’re going to have our first kid, I’m dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madlad464
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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[Meta] The joys of working in a kindergarten class

I started working as a teacher's assistant in a kindergarten class this year and am loving it so far.

Last week, a kid said to me, "Mr. Xy, I'm hungry." I responded with the classic, "Hi hungry, I'm Mr. Xy." The entire table I was working with erupted in laughter - they had never heard that joke before. I was 100% expecting a groan from them. Since then, almost everyday, the kids set me up to tell it again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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On the joys of growing up

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinosaurking88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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I always keep a photo of my pride and joy at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfGingGhost
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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Look out for cold sores when sharing candy this Valentine's day...

Mine went from Mounds of Joy to Herpes Kisses.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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My dad would always ask people if they wanted to see his pride & joy and show them this...

http://www.mtfca.com/discus/messages/411944/471066.jpg

(he kept it in his wallet)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KorCar1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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My pregnant wife hobbled into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asked her what's wrong, and my wife screamed, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shook her head and said, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

My wife's face contorted in pain as she shouted, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turned the doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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My Pride and Joy

My son asked me this morning why our 10 year old dog is no good with Linux. Then he explained to me that "you can't teach an old dog Gnu tricks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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What are the Pros and Cons of having a Switch?

A Pro controller and Joy Cons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pax_flash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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A dad I work with asked me if I wanted to see a picture of his pride and joy...

...and pulled this out of his wallet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/casserpi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
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Dads United

The approval rating of dad jokes in my household has fallen farther and harder than Hans off Nakatomi in my household of late. Not to be a big baby, but it's been really disheartening for me.

We all know our dad jokes can get tiring and annoying; that's part of the point. True masters carefully toe the line between just enough and too much, and to great effect. We do it because we genuinely want to bring joy to those around us with almost child-like mirth.

Not be able to share that with my family lately has been disappointing.

But coming to this sub warms my heart. So thank you to all of you here.

I am very grateful. #obligatoryset-up;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sherwoodsteele
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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In the movie Inside Out, what is Joy’s blood type?

B+

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Char0626
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Today is a leap day.

I guess I should jump with joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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