What did the pencil bag say when it got poked?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I pack a soda in my bag everyday but it HAS to be on top.
Wouldnβt want it to get flat.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
A detective was investigating a murder. He soon found that the murder weapon was the bag of the murderer and it had their name on it.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
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︎ Dec 25 2017
Put it in the bag!
https://preview.redd.it/pyjgiuh2x2941.png?width=494&format=png&auto=webp&s=739701d0c4bff31b56188925a1d3eaeaef07ab1f
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︎ Jan 06 2020
I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier didnβt put the batteries in the same bag with my food and I said itβs cool go ahead and put them in the same bag I donβt care he looked at me with a straight face and saidβ¦
Is that how you get your electrolytes?
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︎ Jan 28 2020
BREAKING NEWS: The man who wrote the hokey pokey died today, according to officials they struggled getting him into the body bag because they put his right leg in, then his right leg out, in out in out they shook it all about.
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︎ Nov 18 2019
Cashier, "would you like your milk in a bag?". My dad, "no thanks, keep it in the jug"
He said it every time, and now I do it when my kids are shopping with me.
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︎ Jul 08 2014
If you buy real, block Parmesan you don't have to worry about tossing it in your bag
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︎ Apr 07 2019
Everytime I open a bag of M&Ms it's like the final question in a round of Mastermind...
.... I've started, so I'll finish.
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︎ Oct 12 2019
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store...
Queso we needed some more.
.
I may have peaked with this one, guys.
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︎ Oct 10 2019
So for Halloween Iβm going to wear a baby carrier with a bag of sugar in it.
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︎ Oct 22 2018
It comes in bags?
I purchased some 8oz cans of soda at Target last night and I managed to Dad-joke the cashier:
Cashier: "Do you like these in bags?"
Me: "No thanks, I like them in cans. I didn't even know they came in bags."
She rolled her eyes and ceased all communication.
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︎ Feb 05 2014
My daughter brought her boyfriend over the over day when all of a sudden, a pair of goalie gloves fell out of his bag. It was this moment that I knew.
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︎ Jun 23 2018
Itβs my wifeβs birthday tomorrow and sheβs wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...
Canβt believe he let the cat out of the bag.
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︎ Mar 17 2019
My girlfriend didn't want me to carry in a heavy bag of soil while it was snowing.
"You'll slip and fall." She said.
I replied "Don't worry, the soil will keep me planted."
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︎ Jan 20 2019
I buddy of mine gave me some flour made from ancient grains. Now I swap small bags of it for baked goods.
I get pie with a little spelt from my friends!
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︎ Mar 21 2019
My wife hates Christmas, but I saw this cute little Santa clutch bag, I just had to buy it for her...
But when I gave it to her she just said "Bah handbag"
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︎ Dec 16 2018
What do call the best bag of milk in the middle of its own pasture?
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︎ Dec 27 2016
What do you call a Llama with a bag of lentils on its back...?
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︎ Apr 07 2018
My coworker said, "It's been one year since I started working at this bag store!"
So I told him, "Happy anni-purse-sury!"
Disclaimer: Not a parent or male.
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︎ Aug 28 2013
"Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"
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︎ Mar 07 2018
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
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︎ Dec 15 2018
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, βNo, just leave it in the carton!
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︎ Feb 28 2017
βWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, βNo, just leave it in the carton!ββ #loveit
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︎ Nov 25 2016
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