New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:
  • +681 new locally acquired cases:
    • One hundred and thirty-five cases were in isolation throughout their infectious period and 28 were in isolation for part of their infectious period. Fifty-nine cases were infectious in the community, and the isolation status of 459 cases remains under investigation.
    • Of the 681 locally acquired cases reported to 8pm last night, 291 are from Western Sydney Local Health District (LHD), 172 are from South Western Sydney LHD, 74 are from Nepean Blue Mountains LHD, 63 are from Sydney LHD, 29 are from South Eastern Sydney LHD, 25 are from Western NSW LHD, 14 are from Northern Sydney LHD, five are from Hunter New England LHD, one is from Central Coast LHD, one is from Mid North Coast LHD, one is from Southern NSW LHD, and five cases are yet to be assigned to an LHD.
• Overseas cases:
  • +3 new overseas case recorded in hotel quarantine
• Deaths:
  • +1 death reported:
    • A man in his 80s from south-east Sydney died at St George Hospital.

Cases to date

^(*Note; vaccinations reported in the last 24 hours include only those performed by NSW Health clinics. The total number includes all vaccinations performed in NSW, including those performed by NSW Health clinics, the GP Network and other providers.)

⚠️ Current NSW COVID-19 Case Locations ⚠️

• Get tested immediately and self-isolate for 14 days: 110 locations
• Get tested immediately and self-isolate until you receive further advice: 6 locations
• Get tested immediately. Self-isolate until you get a negative result: 675 locations
• Public Transport: 19 routes

Go online to view all of the locations of concern as well as any public transport routes of concern.

Maps of the COVID-19 Case Locations can be found on NSW Health and COVID-19 Near Me.

*Location statistics

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

CORRECTION TO TITLE: There have been two interstate cases, both truck drivers

New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:

  • +0 new locally acquired cases
  • 20 Active cases in QLD currently

• Overseas and interstate cases:

  • +5 new international cases.
  • Detected in hotel quarantine

Important Information From the Press Conference

• Didn't get a chance to watch the press conference today sorry guys.

Restrictions for Impacted Areas – South East Queensland

No change in restrictions, except for restrictions on visitors to hospital and aged care facilities in the Logan and Beenleigh area.

South East Queensland From 4pm AEST Friday 20 August 2021 restrictions will ease in these Local Government Areas:

• Brisbane
• Gold Coast
• Ipswich
• Lockyer Valley
• Logan
• Noosa
• Moreton Bay
• Redland
• Scenic Rim
• Somerset
• Sunshine Coast.

Eased restrictions in those areas will include allowing:

• up to 30 people in homes and public spaces
• up to 100 attendees at weddings with a maximum of 20 people dancing
• up to 100 attendees at funerals
• community sport, with reduced spectators and in line with density requirements
• 75 per cent ticketed and allocated seating capacity for indoor events (with COVID Safe Checklist) and
• 75 per cent ticketed and allocated seating capacity for stadiums over 20,000 people with COVID Safe Site Specific Plans

#Mask requirements for the above LGAs

You must carry a mask with you at all times when you leave home, unless you have a lawful reason not to.

Public Transport and ride share

• must wear a mask including while waiting for the transport in a public space such as a bus stop, taxi rank or train station.

Indoors

• You must wear a mask in indoor spaces (including workplaces, but not in your own home) unless it is unsafe or you can stay 1.5 metres apart from other people.

Outdoors

• You must wear a mask when unable to stay 1.5 metres apart from other people who are not part of you household.

Schools

• Masks must be worn by teachers and staff (all schools), plus students in high school. Masks must be worn when at stadiums, at an airport, and on a domestic or international flight departing or arriving in Queensland.

⚠️ Case alerts – public exposure sites ⚠️

***As the list is constantly being updated w

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:
  • +608 new locally acquired cases.
• Overseas cases:
  • +0 new overseas case recorded in hotel quarantine
• Deaths:
  • +7 deaths reported

https://preview.redd.it/0irhgd2vvir71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=11f693337223f3fdf1cc6d99b68ffe14883747aa

https://preview.redd.it/iuggnrovvir71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=16b99bb3bac5e716978366ce017da570c2e1178a

🚗🚆 Roadmap to recovery reveals path forward for all NSW 🚍✈

💉💉 Vaccines can reduce the likelihood of you getting COVID-19 by around 80% compared to people who are unvaccinated, according to a study by the New England Journal of Medicine.

Cases to date

^(*Note; vaccinations reported in the last 24 hours include only those performed by NSW Health clinics. The total number includes all vaccinations performed in NSW, including those performed by NSW Health clinics, the GP Network and other providers.)

⚠️ Current NSW COVID-19 Case Locations ⚠️

Go online to view all of the locations of concern as well as any public transport routes of concern.

Maps of the COVID-19 Case Locations can be found on NSW Health and COVID-19 Near Me.

Location statistics were sourced from NSW Data COVID-19 case locations and transport routes.

Other helpful information and links

Vaccine information:

• [Priority groups for Phase 1B](https://www.health.gov.au/sites/default/files/documents/2021/03/priority-groups-for-covid-19-vaccination-progr

New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:
  • +587 new locally acquired cases.
• Overseas cases:
  • +0 new overseas case recorded in hotel quarantine
• Deaths:
  • +8 deaths reported

https://preview.redd.it/n07bkds0twr71.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=26da483cd22a5ca41da6b05edce270399dcd757e

https://preview.redd.it/yian2mwt5xr71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=2a3047c9a836b199c51959f21f7a5b4bd2b18d65

https://preview.redd.it/vdmb3y0v5xr71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=7456e0f0e6f5ce671a69d4935a111306cf32e343

https://preview.redd.it/ewhbfjm1twr71.png?width=797&format=png&auto=webp&s=4711342432d9e3897c1e9e536057cd04f1cd2b97

https://preview.redd.it/x9gswd22twr71.png?width=783&format=png&auto=webp&s=d038685045a952ba772e8a80c304bb5ee19bf6d7

💉💉 Vaccines can reduce the likelihood of you getting COVID-19 by around 80% compared to people who are unvaccinated, according to a study by the New England Journal of Medicine.

Cases to date

^(*Note; vaccinations reported in the last 24 hours include only those performed by NSW Health clinics. The total number includes all vaccinations performed in NSW, including those performed by NSW Health clinics, the GP Network and other providers.)

⚠️ Current NSW COVID-19 Case Locations ⚠️

Go online to view all of the locations of concern as well as any public transport routes of concern.

Maps of the COVID-19 Case Locations can be found on NSW Health and COVID-19 Near Me.

Location statistics were sourced from NSW Data COVID-19 case locations and [transport routes](https://data.nsw.gov.au/search/dataset/ds-nsw-ckan-033c84bd-e702-46aa-be17-60e46754c0de

New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:
  • +646 new locally acquired cases.
• Overseas cases:
  • +2 new overseas case recorded in hotel quarantine
• Deaths:
  • +11 deaths reported

https://preview.redd.it/ld967wkka4s71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=05acbcb345c3b38a3117e6a2d1d6b78b61661fbe

https://preview.redd.it/uo5w44yra4s71.png?width=900&format=png&auto=webp&s=d2bae62ec8a500f21ce349450aa573b6422bf6ba

💉💉 Vaccines can reduce the likelihood of you getting COVID-19 by around 80% compared to people who are unvaccinated, according to a study by the New England Journal of Medicine.

Cases to date

^(*Note; vaccinations reported in the last 24 hours include only those performed by NSW Health clinics. The total number includes all vaccinations performed in NSW, including those performed by NSW Health clinics, the GP Network and other providers.)

⚠️ Current NSW COVID-19 Case Locations ⚠️

Go online to view all of the locations of concern as well as any public transport routes of concern.

Maps of the COVID-19 Case Locations can be found on NSW Health and COVID-19 Near Me.

Location statistics were sourced from NSW Data COVID-19 case locations and transport routes.

Other helpful information and links

Vaccine information:

• Priority groups for Phase 1B |️ Vaccine Eligibility Checker
• NSW Gov: [Vaccination in NSW](https://www.nsw.gov.au/covid-19/how-to-protect-yoursel

Trying again with the correct date.

New cases and information reported in the last 24 hours

• Local cases:

  • +0 new locally acquired cases

• Overseas and interstate cases:

  • +0 new international cases.

Important Information From the Press Conference

• GET VACCINATED!
• 53.33 per cent of eligible Queenslanders have received their first dose of the vaccine and 34.75 per cent are fully vaccinated.
• Windaroo State School is no longer in quarantine as all the children who attended the after school care have now been tested.
• 2 more nail salon customers have come forward and tested negative. There are still one or two more that are yet to be identified.
• We are eventually going to have the delta variant spread into Queensland, it appears inevitable, this is our window of opportunity to get vaccinated.

Restrictions for Impacted Areas – South East Queensland

No change in restrictions, except for restrictions on visitors to hospital and aged care facilities in the Logan and Beenleigh area.

South East Queensland From 4pm AEST Friday 20 August 2021 restrictions will ease in these Local Government Areas:

• Brisbane
• Gold Coast
• Ipswich
• Lockyer Valley
• Logan
• Noosa
• Moreton Bay
• Redland
• Scenic Rim
• Somerset
• Sunshine Coast.

Eased restrictions in those areas will include allowing:

• up to 30 people in homes and public spaces
• up to 100 attendees at weddings with a maximum of 20 people dancing
• up to 100 attendees at funerals
• community sport, with reduced spectators and in line with density requirements
• 75 per cent ticketed and allocated seating capacity for indoor events (with COVID Safe Checklist) and
• 75 per cent ticketed and allocated seating capacity for stadiums over 20,000 people with COVID Safe Site Specific Plans

#Mask requirements for the above LGAs

You must carry a mask with you at all times when you leave home, unless you have a lawful reason not to.

Public Transport and ride share

• must wear a mask including while waiting for the transport in a public space such as a bus stop, taxi rank or train station.

Indoors

• You must wear a mask in indoor spaces (including workplaces, but not in your own home) unless it is unsafe or you can stay 1.5 metres apart from other people.

Outdoors

• You must wear a mask when unable to stay 1.5 metres apart from other people who are not part of you household.

Schools

• Masks must be worn by teachers and staff (all sc