Internalized racism Puns

I realized very recently that I'm extremely internally racist. I feel like a horrible person because I know that the thoughts I have are disgusting and I feel so ashamed that this is the way that I think when I am always trying to fight for racial equality and just overall being a very progressive person regarding social issues. But I can't help but say that I feel like such a victim to everything that has made me this way, that it isn't my fault but the people and world around me that have made me this way. I don't know if that's what every horrible racist person uses as an excuse but I just feel like the worst person because I know what I'm thinking is wrong but there's no other way to say it. So please bear in mind that I'm only looking to improve myself and overcome the racist thoughts that I realized I've been living with.

When I was a kid, I grew up in a white american town. Asians were the majority minority, but the culture was still very white and many asians were whitewashed. I was born in asia, but I moved to the US at a young age and pretty much always had white friends or non asian friends. I never knew the difference at first but when I got to middle school, I think I realized that many of the so-called "popular" kids were white. My biggest flaw to this day is that I'm such a people pleaser and I care too much about what others think to the point where it has controlled my entire identity. Like most kids that age I wanted to be popular and I wanted to fit in. I didn't want to be seen as different. There were some friend groups that were all asian, and while I was friends with the kids there individually, I was never part of that group. My main friend group was always mostly or all white and I felt a weird sense of pride about that. Like I was the only asian person so it gave me a unique trait or that I wasn't like the other asian kids at my school. In fact, I was never interested in any asian media either, not watching any kdramas or anything like that which was one of the things that set me apart from the kids that were in the asian friend groups. I also hated the fact that I was smart because I didn't want to seem like a stereotype. I hated being seen as a stereotypical asian girl, studious and quiet, which in many ways I was. I picked up a bunch of extracurriculars that were decidedly not stereotypical for asians. I was often the only asian person there.

In high school, there was a group of "popular" people in my stereotypically non asian

There’s so many reasons why this is so infuriating and this is probably going to be messy but I hope my point comes across to some of you.

Box braids, locs, and other protective hairstyles are NOT JUST HAIRSTYLES. If poc say that it’s not right for a white person to be wearing them then you listen. It does not matter if your good pal is black, and says it’s okay. If MAJORITY say it’s not okay, then that says something.

And the amount of WHITE PEOPLE sharing their opinion in this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/RoyaleHigh_Roblox/comments/s5opvw/comments_on_the_black_hairstyles_drama/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf because “they should have a say in the matter” and “their opinion should be heard too” Like, no?? They are not poc. They do not get discriminated against for using these protective hairstyles (also not saying everyone is getting discriminated against by using them).

If Jimmy was shot IN the club, would you ask the people outside of it who did it? No. Because they didn’t see what’s going on.

This is actually so disgusting and it makes me so angry that people are talking over poc and getting mad when someone tells them to zip it.

Also another thing!! The excuse that “it’s just a game” doesn’t apply. Just because it’s virtual does NOT excuse the fact that it’s erasing black culture. Y’all just don’t like that you’re not being included.

I've been with my current partner for around 10 months or so, and while I'm about as white as display case of mayonnaise in a North Dakota gas station, she is a POC. As I grew up in a very white and privileged place, a lot of my life has been slowly waking up to all the racial, class, and gender inequities that I've allowed to perpetrate for my benefit and for the benefit of others like me.

It's been a journey for sure.

She grew up very socially and financially privileged and had her own internalized racism that she confronted in high school / college. She is now very aware and vocal about the injustices in the world, and meeting her was like putting my personal journey of self-improvement on high. Throughout the relationship, she's communicated that my lack of awareness to racial issues and privilege issues is the one thing that is unacceptable to her.

The discussions we've had about race / privilege are as discussions are brutal from my perspective, which has taken me some time to get used to. I'm now aware how coddled I've been for all of my life on these things, learning about them intellectually instead of living through the horrors like millions of POC do every day. She is usually an aggressive and argumentative person in discussions, whereas I'm incredibly sensitive and cautious, to the point that she teases me for my "marshmallow heart." So the fact that these conversations are especially brutal to me is not surprising, and she's explained that on these topics, she will not spare any thought for my feelings. I typically don't recover from these conversation for a few days and lose my appetite the whole time; I'm really trying to take this seriously. Additionally, I know it's not her job to explain these things to me, so I cannot bring these topics up for discussion to gain insight from her.

Here's the tipping point.

I'm worried that I can't be a good partner to her in this way anytime soon. I've been reading tons of books and engaging in discussions and starting discussions about race / privilege whenever appropriate with my friends when she's not around but I feel like I'm coming from so far behind that it will take years for me to be acceptable. Today, I texted her complaining about a work obligation I have before realizing that my statement was incredibly privileged. And I just had this freeze-up moment where I wanted to delete the text and explain I had said something privileged and apologize. Selfishly, I just don't want to feel lik

Remove if not allowed.

What role does asian parenting play in contrinuting to internalized racism? Can we do better?

I am an asian woman in my mid- late twenties who went to a Southern California asian Christian church in middle school/high school. Now that almost all church peers r married(mostly to Jewish guys), I'm reflecting on IF their parenting played a part.

.I hope this story can serve as a reminder of what factors asian parents DO have under their control to raise kids who have some pride. And how to not let those opportunities slip.

These opportunities present themselves in how parents solve problems which are race-based. Kids see this and it greatly affects them.

This story is meant as commentary on azn parental viewpoints, not on mixed race people themsleves.

The story

When I was 16, I. (female) worked at the mall after school. I also went to a large asian-american church, mostly taiwanese. English and Chinese service.

There was a hapa girl, her dad a Chinese American engineer, stay at home whyte mom.

Her dad would drag her to this asian church. She went to a upper middle class high school with a decent amount of Asians, Latinos, mixed kids, and Whyte kids.

She was a tall, lanky, irish-type pale, and had wide set slightly asian eyes and sandy hair. Neutral liked by the other kids in the church. FOB Asian aunties found her attractive bc she was extrneley pale, and often comment in church to their full asian daughters about how attractive this hapa girl was (only bc she had some Whyte features) while many girls at school joked that she was "flat" and "a giraffe" " looked like an alien"

She would hang around two racist blonde girls after school at the mall and bring them around to my cash wrap/checkout station and make racial jokes behind my back as she was walking away bc she wanted to ingratiate herself to those 2 blonde girls, and possibly jealousy.

Simultaneously, a creepy/wierdo Whyte coworker guy was Persusing me. He was the type of mostly physically harmless but emotionally very predatory Anime obessed japanese fetish wierdo. . Kept asking me for my number, until one day I gave her the lanky hapa girls number to shut him up. We had worked on a fundraiser together, so I knew her number by heart. She had a voicemail, (texting not yet popular) so I figured he'd call her and get the hint it wasn't me and give up. I was dumb/ terribly wrong. This was my sole invovlement

BUT she had gotten rid of her voic

This is more of a question for my fellow POC trans people. Basically all my life, I did not like my masculine features at all. I went through puberty early and hated the changes. Around this time, I started getting racially profiled as well. Around 12, a cop pulled me over as I was just walking home. Around 13, I had a full body search at the TSA line. Stuff like this kept happening and it made me hate my masculine features more and more. During this time, I tried justifying it by thinking that I was just upset at the racism I was experiencing and not gender dysphoria. It took me getting to a point where I looked like a decently attractive man around 17 to finally realize that what I was experiencing was gender dysphoria and no matter what I didn't want to further age as a male. I just want to ask if any other POC trans people had similar experiences or am I just dense in figuring out who I am.

Since last September, I was friends with a Cuban girl who has Afro hair, brown skin, and Afro facial features too. It’s pretty common for Cubans to have African ancestry which is why many of them have Afro features. Hence, why the term “AfroLatino” exists. She is quite visibly partially black and it was rarely a topic until now.

While I was hanging out with her and her friends today, she mentioned how some man at the bar called her “black” and it wasn’t the first time she makes a big fuss over being called “black” or even “Afro-Latina” as if being black (or even “partially black”) is a bad thing. I called her out today because I realized how much it bothers me that she denies her black heritage.

I find all of this to be very problematic as someone who is partially black too, so I pretty much told her to stop trying to tell people she isn’t partially black. She prefers to be called just Cuban and hide her African ancestry as if it never happened. Wtf, that’s like Meghan Markle trying to tell us ‘she’s not partially black but just American.’ Those friends of hers pretty much played along with her internalized racism and delusion, and yelled at me for suggesting otherwise instead of just educating themselves on this matter. AITA for pointing out the internalized racism?

So, just to give some details, I'm a 20F and I'm from Brazil. I don't know if you guys know it but here most people are mixed. We had, of course, Africans coming here because of slavery, then poor European immigrants coming to "work" (it was a kind of slavery, but they were paid), the majority being Portuguese and Italians and then a lot of Asians came here as well (biggest japanese colony outside of Japan).

In my case, my mother's family is totally european, her father's family is from Italy and her mother's family is from Portugal and Italy as well. My father's family is black, I don't know what country exactly because even they don't know, but they are from Bahia, a state where the majority are black and African descendants, but his mother is mixed, so my father is light skin. In conclusion, I'm mixed but I have a white skin, whereas my brother has a darker skin and is considered "pardo" which here means that the person is too white to be black but too black to be white, not simply mixed.

However I have some features from my father's family, I have dark eyes (my mom's family all have blue and green eyes), my hair is dark blonde (Idk why but my father has kind of the same color of hair), my hair is wavy now but used to be curly, my body structure is stronger and so on. And growing up I got desperate when I realized I look so much with my father's family. Besides I hated my hair, my eyes, my body (even with the fact that I pass as white to everyone). I just wanted to look like the other part of my family. Actually until these days I struggle a little bit to accept I'm not like them.

So I wanted to know: is this internalized racism? Or is it more because of the fact that I'm not close to my father's family os something like that. I wanted to ask here because in my country we just don't have this kind of discussion. And asking to black people would not end well because I'm not considered black at all.

Ex: I have an Asian female friend who only wants to seek to be with white men instead of an Asian males to have ‘better’ looking children and not be with someone that ‘looks’ like her brother. She also says she will never return back to her own shit hole of a country. I was really shocked when I found about this and am wondering if this is either prevalent to other races or ethnicities as well?

So I (19) have sort of recently realized that growing up with my (mostly) white adoptive family in a mostly white town has instilled deep deep notions of internalized racism. I’m mixed (although I only found out I’m half black earlier this year). My parents are older and quite conservative so this shouldn’t be surprising to me. But it’s really upsetting to suddenly realize this and try to unlearn it.

My family makes some anti-black statements often (sometimes it’s not as noticeably anti black but it still internalizes within me). I’m noticing that when I see something associated with black culture or another black person I hear my mom’s judgements voice first and I have to try to shake it away. I think one of the reasons I’m having a lot of trouble with this is I don’t “feel” black. I know I’m black, I say I’m black, I look black, but I constantly feel like I’m living outside of the black experience, I know my experience is the black experience but I feel like I’m on the outside of the community (most likely because I physically am, there’s really no black people where I live). I guess the best way I could put it is I feel like a white person masquerading as a black person/mixed person, I feel like I’m intruding. (It sounds kinda dumb ik).

I’m trying to unlearn my internal prejudices but it’s hard because I still live with my parents and have to still hear my mom say stuff like “well you don’t look black!” (When I very obviously do. This brings upon a whole new issue of not feeling black enough but that’s off topic). Or I’ll hear my parents say how the black panthers were the black KKK. Huey Newton is one of my favorite revolutionaries, I just bought Revolutionary Suicide and I hope to read it without my mother knowing. But I know all the black revolutionaries I look up to would probably be so disgusted and disappointed with me for this.

The more I try to fix myself the worse it gets. I’m not sure what to do. I hate myself for this and I feel so ashamed for subconsciously adopting these racist views. I’m hoping to eventually be able to seek therapy for this. But in the meantime I wanted to share this here to see if anyone else could relate so I feel less alone. I also apologize in advance if this is very tone deaf or really stupid to read.

For those who have experienced intercultural conflict from NParents, has anyone else developed views of an ancestral culture that would be considered racist and inflammatory if they were to be expressed by someone of another race? I'm asking because of my own experiences developing a very strong love-hate relationship with Indian culture due to conflict with my Dmom/Nmom. I enjoy Indian food (mostly high table stuff) a lot, for example, but even there there's a lot of Indian food that I consider inadequate (usually because of inadequate protein content in a lot of homestyle Indian meals as well as an excessive amount of deep-fried food). At the same time, I have a lot of really strong disgust reactions to various Indian cultural practices and am actually too traumatized by various kinds of interpersonal conflict to even speak my parents' native language (because it was a gigantic flashpoint for my Nmom due to her cultural separation trauma).

Hello Dr. K.,

I hope you are doing well. I want to say thank you for your amazing content, community and resources you provide to the general public. I want to open this discussion (as I assume many have before already) about my insecurities about my looks. I have a way of reasoning that because that I am, 5ft2, not white, ugly, that no girl will like me. That even though I have a great system of friends, family, support system, I'm independent and doing amazing in my academic career, being in my late 20's I find that it's getting harder in the dating realm. I find that due to my small stature that there have been instances where women have rejected me due to these superficial standards. It's hard not to: a) Rationalize this when numerous instances keep recurring this way and that society at large has a doubtful look on men who are short, and b) To just "Be yourself and someone will come". I talked with my friends regarding this and they say "Oh, it's actually good! that they ghosted you, because now you know now to be with someone as superficial as them". I feel like I'm not even "given a chance" when it comes to "entering the dating market" and I don't want to go down the incel pipeline.

I'm getting very depressed over this and I just want to know how I can accept that I'm never going to be in a relationship. I'm in my late 20's (M) and have never been in one. I feel so ugly and unloved.

First off, I want to start with the positives. I've been posting here for a while now after my very first post blew up and helped more people than I could have ever imagined. This is why I continue to post and fight the good fight no matter how annoying it can get at times. A lot of people have been very supportive and I'm very grateful for that.

That being said in my recent posts there have been an unusual amount of trolls and just toxic people in general. Now you might ask, "why do you care about their opinions?", to which my answer is I actually don't. I personally could care less in fact I even enjoy roasting them from time to time. That said, I do feel obligated to respond at this point because at this point I feel they are harming the overall community and doing the most counterproductive things possible to our ultimate mission of improving our lives as AMs in the west.

First thing I never understand is why people ever thought I was ever being fake by liking BTS? Literally we have bitched and moaned about never getting representation our whole lives, now we get the best representation imaginable with BTS. Yet so many of us completely self-sabotage by shaming me and other AMs for following the k-pop trend. What exactly is fake about an Asian man following an Asian style and trend? Is it just because it doesn't fit hilariously stupid western standards of toxic masculinity? Are you just afraid that white people won't accept it? All this talk in the community about how we gotta create our own identity and not be forced to live for the approval of white people. Then I and many others come along and proudly flaunt the most trendy, popular Asian style and OTHER AMs be like "NO NO NO! This would be considered gay in the west so you can't do that!".

We are literally the only community that does this and this is the core root of our problems. Back in high school I had a few black friends at a time when hip hop was at it's all time peak popularity. This 100% boosted their own confidence as well as their popularity amongst women. Never once did any of them think "OMG THIS IS SO FAKE AND CRINGEY, A BLACK MAN FOLLOWING HIP HOP TRENDS? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE IN A WHITE COUNTRY YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT WHITE PEOPLE FIND ACCEPTABLE"(On another note, I've seen tons of Asians try to go for a thug image which is 100x cringier than what I'm doing yet no one bats an eye haha). Same goes for Latinos, racist white people may shame them for speaking Spanish and not adhering to

For a period of my life I spent a considerable of time around arabs this was both partially in real life and another part on the internet. I realize that some people both Arabs and non-Arabs tend to quite often over exaggerate the features of Arabs. For instance, some people over exaggerate how “white” or European Levantine people are (evidently excluding black brown and dark skin Levantines) and for me I did not know why some people both Arab and non-Arabs would over exaggerate the “whiteness” or European like features of various Arabs from the Levant and North Africa. However , I have seen people from those areas who look not at all as some people try to hype them up to be. So I am starting to wonder if a number of diaspora Arabs have internalized racism and thus creates a desire to be European?

I tend to see this common trait in colonized people. Whether they be South Asian, African, Latin American, Caribbean or mixed of some sort, colonized people in the western diaspora tend to want to assimilate themselves into the greater or mainstream white population and when they are met with refusal or rejection I see they tend to often hyper exaggerate the fairer thinner whiter margins of their populations and give a mal-perception of their own people.

For instance, some diaspora Algerians have over exaggerated Algerians who look white to the point where they will give the perception that Algerians have red hair blonde hair blue eyes and pale white skin, or they make it seem as if every Palestinian is a Nordic white person.

It is rather interesting because I have been in contact with people who were from Gaza and Jordan who they themselves had blonde hair and green eyes however one had an aunt who was a black Palestinian woman (and she was not African at all just Levantine) while the other his father was a black Jordanian man. These guys who were not at all born and raised in the western diaspora did not have this hyper internalized racism and this desire to be European that I have see in some Arabs in the western diaspora. I have also realized that a number of diaspora Arabs tend to reject the existence of dark skin and black people who are their own ethnic group’s countrymen (example black Levantines who are not African or those that may be mix or even black and dark brown North Africans) while those that I have been in contact with who were not from western diaspora countries but were more from their own countries had no problem validating the existenc

Internalized racism is a form of internalized oppression, defined by sociologist Karen D. Pyke as the "internalization of racial oppression by the racially subordinated."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internalized_racism

Edit: To clarify I mean Middle Easterners who worship the 'west' and degrade their own culture. It's a form of self-hate. It's not only skin colour based.

EDIT: I am so overwhelmed by the amount of responses I have received. Thank so much for all your kind words. It might take me a while but I promise to go through each comment one by one.

If I pointed out that a lot of restaurants in China have unsanitary practices, that's not 'racism' to Chinese people. There have been plenty of Arabs pointing out that a lot of Arab countries believe they are superior. Calling that out doesn't mean 'all arabs are bad'. It means it's an issue.
If I pointed out there's an issue of racism among Texans, no one bats an eye, but somehow pointing out that there is an issue of racism in say, Rwanda, somehow that's racist? It makes no sense.

Criticism of cultural practices or whatever is not racism, it's not liking the action.

r/Hapas thread here.

Thought you guys could use a laugh.

Indians always seem to hate on India more than other cultures hate on their own country. Why is this?

To those of you who are active 2asia4u lurkers, you may notice that there are a lot of threads about cringe Asians (regardless of their nationality) expressing their self-hatred, mostly on Twitter and Reddit. We're all aware that this is mostly due to inferiority complex and such, but what do you guys think is/are best treatment(s) against this terrible attitude?

It’s actually really tough. I’ve heard I sound white before, I live around so many white people I’ve heard I’m not black enough it’s just rough the racism

For those not familiar the doll test is an experiment conducted on kids to examine how they respond to dolls with different skin colors. The usual findings are that children, regardless of race, tend to associate negative traits such as stupidity and ugliness with dark skinned dolls, while associating beauty and intelligence with apparently white dolls. These tests are usually used as evidence of how early racist attitudes are imposed on children, an observation I tend to agree with. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think we're jumping to conclusions? Do you think there is an easier explanation we're ignoring? Do you think there is something that can be done about this association? what do you think causes these reactions? I don't buy that they are natural. How about you? Any thoughts would be appreciated. (here's an Italian version of the test)

It makes me so nervous and to even make this post, but here goes:

I am a black gay man and realized that my dating history is hugely problematic. I was raised in a predominantly white community and schools and since high school I have only dated/hooked up with non-Black guys (White, Latinx, Middle Eastern, Asian, South Asian) with few exceptions. To be clear this is NOT something I’m proud of at ALL. First of all most races are anti-Black or fetishizing and even if they weren’t, there’s so much they don’t understand or I would need to explain to them. I would love to be in a situation where I feel completely seen and validated and we can relate on racial issues without it even being a question.

In the past few years, I’ve started to find my Black community and now most of the friends I see on a regular basis are Black and I have started to have more Black gay friends which I love. I’ve also started buying more queer Black books, following queer Black models on instagram etc…

My issue is that I feel like my sexual attraction just isn’t that high with other Black men. AGAIN this is not about Black guys not being being attractive or other races being better. There’s been a few times I’ve seen a gorgeous man, with a beautiful face, eyes, smile, great body. And then we’ll go out to have dinner or a walk and I just have no desire to kiss him. Or when I do kiss him nothing happens for me physically.

Lately, one of my very good friends who is a gay black man told me he has a crush on me. He is so funny, and kind and smart. On paper we would be a great match. But I don’t feel anything for him sexually. Part of me is tempted to just go for it because it should make sense and I like him as a person but I don’t want to hurt him by not being able to perform…

I’m trying to retrain my brain by watching more Black gay porn and actively pursuing Black guys on the apps but sometimes I just feel like I’m broken inside.

I see a lot of posts here ridiculing black guys who only date outside the race and I basically agree with that but I’m also part of the problem. Like if there were such a thing as conversion therapy but for racial attraction, I would absolutely do it.

So I guess my question is, has anybody else faced this issue and successfully overcome it? Any advice?

I just want to feel there’s hope because I feel way more shame about this than actually being gay.

Listen. I know people are gonna think this is racist. But just hear me out.

I know why a lot of black ppl have hate towards white ppl, history. They're mad about shit that happened 60 years ago which is fine. But they use this to justify blatant racism. I've seen tons of comments saying, "you're white your opinion doesn't matter", but if the roles were reversed, he'd be ratioed. I've also seen many saying, "If you're pro-black you cannot be romantically involved with a white person." This makes no sense; you're just judging the white person to be racist, which is nothing but racism.

There's much more that I could add but that's all I'm gonna say. If you want me to say anything else just ask me.

Btw I'm half Dominican black half Indian, but this shouldn't affect your opinion in anyway

I've been hooked on this show since episode one, but the ending of three and all of four really made me appreciate it all the more and just how well A-1 Pictures is portraying the horrid situation of the Eighty-Six and Lena's attempts to reach them, uninformed as they may be.

Episode 4 in particular highlights just how detached the people of San Magnolia seem to be from the reality of their war with the Legion, but especially with their treatment of the Eighty-Six. But not all of them are full of blind hate and outspoken racism that we might expect. For many of them, and even in part for Lena, it's worse than that. It's apathy.

Merriam-Webster defines Apathy as, 'a Lack of feeling or emotion; of interest or concern.'

Impassiveness. Indifference.

That, more than anything else is what plagues the People of San Magnolia; from the common civilians to high-ranking military officials, such as Lena's Uncle Jerome, and her best friend Annette.

Then we have Internalized Racism, which can be defined as the 'personal conscious or subconscious acceptance of the dominant society's racist views, stereotypes and biases of one's ethnic group.'

It's something a lot of people (and as we saw at the end of Episode three, Lena) don't even realize they have because it's all they know. Sometimes it needs to be pointed out for them to see it, as Theo did with Lena. Looking back through episodes 1-3 it's possible to find more examples of it as well. Something that stuck out to me as a possible example of this is when Lena asks Kaie if she hates all Alba. That isn't something you should ask someone you're oppressing in such a way, but Lena does so in a manner that even seems like she's asking for sympathy. "It's not all Alba, right? I'm different, right?"

As u/Zxcaderu brilliantly put it in a comment below,

>It is the idea that even if Lena hates the system, she still grew up on its bread and butter and some of it will still seep into her pure intentions such as her forgetting to ask for their names.

All episode long we see Lena reflect on her internalized racism, and her struggles to find a way to do something about it.

All episode long everyone is telling Lena that it’s pointless— that it’s always been pointless— to try and connect with the Eighty-Six.

[The members of Spearhead discussing Theo's words and the reasons behind them.](https://preview.redd.it/4yxzuo1q2tw61.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=b58853706ae9df1a92381b

Dunmer slavers and masters would deny them the dignity of their name by just addressing them as "Khajiit." They would talk about them by saying "this one."

Internalized racism is a form of internalized oppression, defined by sociologist Karen D. Pyke as the "internalization of racial oppression by the racially subordinated."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internalized_racism

Edit: To clarify I mean Eastern Europeans who worship the 'west' and degrade their own culture. It's a form of self-hate.