I have a narc boss, and the one word Iโd use to describe him is โinsatiableโ. Everything has to be about him.
He brings everything back to himself. If someone has a good, valid idea, ok, but itโs not nearly as important as what HE has to say and what HE decides to do with it. People are afterthoughts to what he views as his โleadershipโ. It isnโt leadership. Itโs bullying and domination.
He literally cannot bear to validate another person, ever. And in this sense, when youโre interacting with him, itโs like he is consuming your energy. Because he MUST have all of the energy, all of the importance and significance, and anything that YOU are, have, or need must go towards him. To feed him. To make him feel powerful.
Narc bosses STEAL from the people around them in every sense of the word. They ROB YOU of your experience, out of their desperate greed to have it all.
My husband and I have been together for six years and have always had an actice sex life. However, he has increasingly become more sex-focused over the past few years to the point that I am almost turned off of sex because it feels like a need for something else, manifesting in sex.
He will make comments like, "I'd be down for sex anytime, anything sexual I will do." and "I am horny all the time, no matter what" and "No amount of sex is enough for me."
I know for most people this is how they feel, especially around here, but I need to understand this perspective in hopes to help him understand mine.
Hearing "I just want to fuck all the time," makes me feel like it there isn't anything special to sex. Saying "There is nothing I would say no to, any act or activity," is as begign and dull to me as "I'll eat whatever food, I don't really care what I eat."
We will have days when we have sex multiple times, and about an hour after we are done, I feel like he is rubbing up again, with comments proposing more sex. I enjoy sex, but I find myself increasingly avoiding it becauzse it never feels like enough for him, which makes me feel like a constant failure. I know most people, especially the HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHL folks here can relate to the feeling that no matter how much sex you have, it's never enough, but I need a way to make him understand that I do have a limit to how much sex I want.
TLDR: Husbands position of "I could have sex anytime, any way, with anyone, all the time," is making me not want to have sex because there is no way I could possible provide that much such.
>What makes Joy Division so Schopenhauerian is the disjunction between Curtis's detachment and the urgency of the music, its implacable drive standing in for the dumb insatiability of the life-Will, the Beckettian "I must go on" not experienced by the depressive as some redemptive positivity, but as the ultimate horror, the life-Will paradoxically assuming all the loathsome properties of the undead (whatever you do, you can't extinguish it, it keeps coming back). Perhaps it is this disjunction which goes to explain the strong correlation between depression and aesthetics. Identified with the dead yet still amongst the living, the melancholic cannot live, but equally cannot achieve either quiescence or quiet: they must speak about their predicament. As Leader points out, "A melancholic subject is in two places at once, two different spaces that cannot be superimposed. But how can this agony be communicated? One of the features of melancholia over the ages has been its association with artistic creation and writing. Indeed, in some periods, discussions of melancholia have emphasized the creative aspect far more than its depressive elements."
โย Mark Fisher, "An Abyss That Laughs at Creation"
Iโve had very flexible ankles for as long as I can remember. Lately Iโve been having a lot of ankle instability and wondering if itโs coming from hyper mobility along with multiple sprains.? Anyone have any experience with this?
I feel frozen immobile, like a deer in the headlights. As though petrified by the sheer overwhelming possibility of life and the woefully inadequate amount of time allotted to experience it.
Ideas come daily, I plan and I work but struggle minute by minute to abide so constrained as the clock keeps ticking towards my end and I'm so afraid.
I'm afraid of falling short, of failing to fully realize my dreams, and of failing to fully grasp the nature of existence. I'm filled with angst knowing that I'm doomed to a lifetime of longing because no matter how far I go I'll never stop reaching for the next horizon.
So here I sit, a tiny biological machine moved to gush liquid from my facial orifices as I'm touched and humbled by the vast majesty of the universe and forced to laugh at my own inability to wholly communicate my feelings even to the others like me.
I weep knowing that even having reached the edge of the universe I'd only then wonder what lie beyond. Every answer births a new question. To ever wonder is the tragic calamity afflicted on mankind. But it is also our rapturous and enchantingly beautiful gift.
So wonder ever onward. After all, the only thing more frightening than infinity is finitude.
Hey everyone,
I have a sex problem. I want it all the time. Even 15 minutes after having it I'm pumped up and ready to go again. I'm never in an off mode, regardless of my mood. It's honestly exhausting and I wish it would stop. My boyfriend and I have been together two years. He has a very minimal sex drive (he wants it a couple times a month where as I want it a many times a day, we settle on 1-2 times a week, if that). It doesn't help that he's on two antidepressants, which are killing what little libido he actually does have.
Apparently the crazy high libido is a family trait. My family's solution: Don't get stuck with someone who doesn't want to have a lot of sex. It's not the most important part of a relationship, but they say I'll be miserable 10 years down the road anyway - which I can see happening in several of my family members already. Truth be told, I'm already miserable after the short time we have been together. It's so exhausting wanting it as often as I do, and I'd be happy if I could get some advice on lowering my sex drive that doesn't involve medication.
He has proposed a few options to help me, everything from him coming off the antidepressants and trying to have sex more often to us having an open(ish) relationship. My problem is that I don't really want an open relationship and he's so unstable that he needs to stay on his medication. Having causal sex with other guys is fun and all, but that's not what I want. I want to be in a (mostly) exclusive relationship with my partner, barring the occasional threesome that includes both of us.
But wait, there's more. I love my partner, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I did a year ago and we got engaged. Now, though, I don't. I want to be with him right now, but not for the rest of my life. It's not just about the sex either (though that is a major player on the field). I've told him this - and he said that we just need some time to work it out.
I'm getting skittish. I want to just leave and find someone who can satisfy both my sexual needs and my other desires in a partner (e.g. having a little intuition and understanding me without requiring that I dictate every detail of how I'm feeling, making me feel wanted with more than just words, etc).
So what should I do? Should I find a way to curb my libido (hints here would be wonderful either way) and work on the rest of our relationship issues, or should I start cutting the cord with him and break it off to find
... keep reading on reddit โกI an not the OP. This is a repost.
Posted byu/ThrowRa5tgg
Original Post
I'm a year post-divorce and back into an otherwise incredible relationship. My ex-husband and I are on good terms. We got married young and become two very different people. We went through a very dark time, got a divorce and since then have been far more cordial and friendly than we were in the last years of our marriage. But, due to some personal issues, my ex-husband and I almost never had sex. We were married for 9 years and together for 11 and I would say that within the last six years it was, at best, semi-annually. It destroyed my self-esteem.
So, we divorce, I work on me. I go on a few dates and it was pretty rotten. Then I reconnect with an old friend, rather platonically, as I wanted to send my condolences as I found out his wife had passed a while ago. We meet for coffee, we have an attraction and it just goes from there.
My BF is, sexually speaking, the polar opposite of my ex. My ex could only do it under very specific circumstances and had specific requirements. My BF has no such requirements. And things that should be a turn-off seem to be the opposite. I come home from the gym and reek? He's into it. I'm just out of the shower? He's into it. I'm washing dishes? He's into it. I'm wearing crappy leggings and a housecoat? Apparently that's just lingerie with more layers. Haven't shaved my pits/legs in a couple of days? Well, apparently that's hot, too. He will ask for sex many times a day. 2 or 3 times a day he'll make a move. If I say no, he backs off and doesn't push, but I also sometimes just do it to make him happy. I'm not against it and it's nice to have someone who is so sexually attracted, it's a huge ego boost for sure. I mentioned it to my therapist and she said she was "concerned."
On one hand, I'm not used to someone with a high sex drive. He's very different than my ex - my ex had very low levels of energy in general where as my current BF has boundless energy. He runs even in the freezing cold, he is always doing something, learning something or thinking about ways to improve something. He exercises regularly and his "down time" is reading or studying. It could just be a difference in energy levels, but if my BF had his way, we'd have sex 15 or 16 times a wee
... keep reading on reddit โก
No form of interest, conversation or things to share is enough. I found myself for years making up grandiose scenarios out of nothing just to satisfy my NM's bloodthirst for the day. If it sufficed, I was passed on like a ghoul to a victim until she craved more. I attempted to placate her awful mood swings and rampant behavior by doing anything she wanted to do, but she couldn't help but talk bad about every shared mutual interest especially that of my older siblings while we did it. They never saw the worst; she unveiled the mask long after they were gone. I've been subjected to this for the better part of my teens and early 20's.
How dare you talk to me like that!
For a long time I internalized and tried to rationalize why it was never enough. Was I really a rotten kid? Did I disrespect her in my teens as some sort of phase? Shouldn't I give my all to a person whose given me so much? MORE, MORE, MORE. I began to question the very fibers of my existence. For the better part of the last few years, I turned the tables on her. I tried to pinpoint what could be wrong? Of course she had a bad childhood but what causes this? Is it neurological? Is it due to stress?
How DARE you disrespect me!
And then I found this subreddit. I (male, mid 20's) had context clues all along to what it could be but only truly realized until reading experiences. For the past few weeks (up until I move out) I have been emotionally unresponse; I feel dead. I have given so much that I can't give anymore. The emotional responses she tries to provoke by saying I said a particular word strange or funny do not work. I am not in the absence of pain, it simply has evolved into understanding that she can not be treated as a human being. Human beings are rational. Human beings can see their flaws, a monster cannot.
You ungrateful piece of shit!
I will never fathom the machine of hate that perpetually fuels her existence. How someone can wake up renewed to start a new battle is beyond me. If it doesn't exist, it will be created. If it's not large enough, it will be escalated. But at the end of the day, nothing happened and I am imagining things. I've still never heard a(n) (sincere) apology in my life. An incident months ago where she physically attacked me for recording her while she went ballistic manufacturing an accusation about my father was buried. She brought it up a few weeks ago in passing stating, **"We won't be having that again. You won't be disrespecting
... keep reading on reddit โกOriginal 1977 translation:
> (oh, and how he played!!!). It was as if a peal of thunder from man's subterranean guts had banged against the sky-not an earthly sky, but the cosmic sky of nothingness-that was truly infinite and vacuous and whence, originating from metaphysical storm clouds, it plummeted down to the very bottom of that creeping, flaming, flattened-out barren mystery. The beams of the world trembled; in the distance radiated the solace of death, transformed into the peaceful sleep of a mysterious deity broken on the wheel of superdivine tortures: the immediate apperception of eternity. The vigilant eye of the satanical awareness of ubiquitous evil bulged out over the desolate expanses of ultimate but seemingly indifferent concepts, and a refulgence, insufferably painful to behold, pierced the invincible armor of the primeval darkness of being and went berserk amid a painless agony, amid a sort of French malaise raised to the power of a continuum. Genezip froze like a hare in the furrow.
1996 revision (this is the edition I own, so I can quote it at greater length):
> He went up to his treasured Steinway, the one luxury in which he had indulged himself after a long and protracted battle with his father-in-law, Johym Murzasichlaลski, and commenced playing (did he ever!!!). It was as if a peal of thunder from manโs subterranean guts had banged against the sky - not an earthly sky, but the cosmic sky of nothingness, truly infinite and vacuous and from whence, blossoming from metaphysical storm clouds, it crashed, bottoming out in a creeping, fire-engulfed, flattened-out, barren mystery. The joists of the world trembled; in the distance glowed deathโs tranquillity, transformed into the peaceful sleep of a mysterious deity broken on the wheel of superdivine tortures: the unmediated perception of the real infinity. The eye of satanic knowledge of ubiquitous evil bulged over the desolate expanses of ultimate, seemingly benign concepts; a glare, insufferably hurtful, pierced the thick armor of primevally dark Being, and went painlessly berserk, in a sort of French malaise raised to the power of a continuum. Genezip froze like a hare in the field. He had never heard music so shamelessly, so metaphysically indecent: it reminded him of Toldzio, of their . . . with strains of a light park music in the background . . . But that had been childish make-believe while here it was actually happening. Metaphysical masturbation: there was no other way to
... keep reading on reddit โกBehold what I have discovered! The fountain has been uncovered
Forever will never again mean to me what it does to you
No longer will I ponder about the years that I may squander
For the future over yonder has, for me, been born anew
The question now is, 'what to do', with endless time that will accrue
The answer is, 'I do not know', why does the fountain mock me so
Years pass by and still I try, but harder life becomes to lead
Beauty fades with each new day, why does it have to be this way
I alone cease to decay, and so it's time that I concede
With no further will to proceed through this life lived in constant need
It then follows that I must go, go into the depths below
Death is now the greatest gift that I, upon myself, bestow I originally tried NoFap, but can't handle it tbh, so have opted for PornFree instead. I'm able to manage PF much easier whilst being able to JO now and again but one thing I've noticed is this:
If I JO without any stimulus other than just my mind and/or the physical sensation alone (rarely) my desire is more easily satisfied i.e. I don't feel the need to do it again (binge). Whereas if I JO with porn (PMO) I nearly always have to do it numerous times.
:-/
Recently my wife has become obsessed with "Dr. Fauci" roleplay sex. It started off as a joke, but it's gotten out of control. She's always screaming things like "vax me harder daddy Fauci!" and "boost all over me daddy Fauci!" during sex. It's to the point now where I can hear her downstairs in my gaming room from all the way upstairs in the master bedroom. Sometimes she even makes her boyfriend wear a white lab coat. The constant ruckus is very distracting and makes it very difficult for me to play rune scape in peace. What should I do?
My taste skews adult and transgressive so Iโve ran of recommendations for a 12 year old girl. Also, sheโs French and English is her second language, so while her language is improving, sheโs not quite at native level.
He stared at his hand then and slowly brought it up to his mouth
F, 5โ3โ, 130lb.
Iโve started lifting weights over the past two weeks, following the Brett Contreras Strong Curves beginners program that I often see mentioned here. Other than that I am mostly sedentary, averaging 7500 steps a day.
Iโm at a healthy BMI but Iโve got an apple shaped body. My fat is disproportionately around my middle and upper arms, with skinny legs, no boobs, and no bum. My goal is body recomposition, to have more muscular thighs and bum, flatter tummy, and to have a healthy relationship with food.
Iโve noticed that since I began lifting Iโve been insatiably hungry. Iโm eating a balanced diet with plenty of protein, carbs, veggies, & healthy fats.
A typical meal for me would be something like chicken, rice and veggies with tahini sauce, and I snack on things like apples and peanut butter and string cheese.
However, since starting to lift, Iโve been constantly ravenous and Iโve been eating around 2500 a day, which is a big surplus for my weight, height, muscle mass, and activity level.
Iโm interested to hear about othersโ experiences with this.
Did it even out over time? Do I need to restrict my eating somewhat? Is there anything else I can do to support healthy eating while Iโm working on developing strength?
ETA this sub is the BEST, thank you all so much for sharing your experience and advice!
Iโve been doing IF for about 9 months now and the results have been life changing. I actually didnโt weigh in before I started (Iโd gained so much weight that the scale was embarrassing) but know that Iโve lost about 50 pounds.
Iโm still about 10-15 pounds away from my goal weight and Iโve plateaued. I know why but am posting to look for some strategies on getting over the hump.
Iโve fallen into a pattern where when I hit my eating window, I gorge and not in a healthy way. Slather butter on bread, cram it in. Have a meal already prepped? Slam it down, find something else in the cupboards and jam it in as well.
I know some of my initial motivation and drive is gone - I look and feel 1000x better. At the same time I started IF, I got really active - I biked a 100 mile bike ride in July and ran a marathon in December and have just signed up to run a 50km run in April. People tell me all the time how healthy I look and Iโve had to replace parts of my wardrobe. Itโs amazing.
And Iโm not gaining weight - Iโve truly plateaued. I still weigh in regularly and there is minor fluctuation of a few pounds up and down but in general, Iโve hit โa weightโ.
So, Iโm looking for some thoughts on getting though the last 10-15 pounds. And then I can plateau!
Iโd say Iโm not looking for tricks but if you have anything, let me know!
Anyone else experience this? I'm no stranger to derailing pregnancy symptoms - honestly I've been in hell since week 6. But as soon as I hit 26 weeks I've been getting sooooo hungry never felt anything like it. A bagel won't even touch me, I'll need another meal cued up by the time I'm done. I feel like I'm having to eat 2x as much to start to feel satiated.
I also get absolutely exhausted every couple hours or so now. I never nap and never have in pregnancy despite wanting to and fighting lots of fatigue. this is a whole new level though. I will get up at 7 and by 10 be nodding off and pass out HARD for two hours. By 2 or so I have to sleep again. I'm sleeping better at night as of 26w than I have all pregnancy. No more Insomnia and previously I was sleeping in 1-2 hour shifts and just a full on insomniac. It's amazing to sleep through the night now but I hate being tired during the day too.
Fwiw, I am also starting to POP all of the sudden. His movements are much wider and bigger and my belly is suddenly 3D and huge. It feels like he's baby sized all of a sudden. Would love to hear from others who have experienced this. Thanks friends ๐ฎโ๐จ๐ฎโ๐จ๐ฎโ๐จ
But if there is a cure for it, in the words of Diana Ross โI donโt want itโ. So this is my first time microdosing and itโs like my ears have had a good clean out and Iโm enjoying music more than I have done in years! Iโm wondering wether anyone else has any experiences of picking up new hobbies or interests after microdosing, or revisiting old ones? And wether anyone can recommend any 70โs funk. Thankyou!
I'm getting closer to six months sober, and still find myself exhausted if I'm not getting 10-11 hours of sleep a night. If I try to go to bed at a normal hour, I am totally out of it the next day. Is this normal? Anyone have a similar experience?
Well, it's been a week!!!
I wanted to thank everyone for their comments and support! I had a weekly session with my therapist and asked directly what was "concerning" and asked it straight off the bat. In short, the session went south almost immediately. She had no real reason why it was concerning but starting to say that it could be the sign of a personality disorder, past sexual trauma or even a brain tumor. I began to spin. The session didn't get very far. I was totally confused and so I called my family doctor. She had phone consults and I told her everything, including what the therapist had said and the doctor laughed. She said it was so unlikely to be anything and said things that were reassuring, a lot of what was said here. Basically, he's a healthy, vital 31 year old male who was in a sexless relationship for several years and is working out his additional sex interest. She said enjoy it and gave me a referral to a different therapist.
I called the new therapist almost right away, they were really responsive and we had a quick intro session. I explained why I was switching and she said it sounded like jealousy (on behalf of other therapist) but wouldn't explain further.
Over Xmas my BF and I had a very long, personal, detailed conversation about our future and in the New Year, we're going to jointly find a new place to live and move in together! His sexual advances haven't slowed, not one iota. I got my COVID booster and felt really punk and he was just so present. He laid with me and we watched A Christmas Story and he stroked my hair. I realize I was letting my last therapist dictate how I felt when the reality was right in front of me. I was being toxic and his sexual interest was the opposite of toxic.
We had Christmas with both families and my parents again told me how excited they were I was in a happy relationship and how great it was to have a nice, happy, person as my partner, particularly one who loves to eat and Christmas and enjoys family gatherings. All in all, I feel like a good and re-reading my last post makes me cringe. C'est la vie.
tl;dr therapist had no reason to say concerned. She tried to pass it off as a tumor. I had to switch therapists and get away from her as it was just go
... keep reading on reddit โก