In the Trees Puns

They'll be treeasures

I just heard this in a game

They have square roots.

This also makes them radical and irrational, so don't argue.

Toilet-trees

.....I'll show myself out

Chris Pine pines pines.

They were following their counsellor’s orders to have meaningful dye-a-log.

They log in.

I told him ‘I woodn’t do that if I were you’

The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"

I don't know, they have too many branches.

But I heard my chainsaw some stuff

The task always saps my strength.

Treespassing

It's my logbook

He was charged with arboring criminals

I said “Oh. That’s a releaf!”

..he was all bloody and scratched up. I yelled "dad you look awful!" to which he responded

"If you think this is bad, you should see the other guy! He lost several limbs!"

But after years of therapy, I've managed to conker it.

Having nothing much else to do to pass the time, they engaged in frequent conversation with each other about whatever tickled their fancy.

Well, one year, a sapling took root between the two trees and having not much else to talk about, they argued about the sapling for years.

"It's a son of a beech," the beech would say.

"No, it's a son of a birch," the birch would say.

And back and forth they would go.

Well one year, when the sapling was starting to get big and tall, a woodpecker happened to fly along and land on the beech.

The beech, seeing an opportunity to settle this argument once and for all, said, "Hey, woodpecker. I need a favor. I want you to fly over to that young tree there, and tell me whether that tree is a son of a beech or the son of a birch."

Well, the woodpecker not having much else to do said, "Sure thing!" and flew over to the young tree and gave it six good taps.

-tap tap tap-

-tap tap tap-

And flew back.

"Well?" the birch said.

"Well?" the beech said.

"Is it a son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The woodpecker said, "Neither."

"Neither!?"

"That, my friends," the woodpecker said, "is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."

Out riding in the car with my boyfriend this evening.

Me: The trees look really pretty in this lighting.

Him: Yeah they really do! That one pine tree has scoliosis.

Me: Oh, does it?

Him: Yeah! Do you see it?

[I see the tree he is referring to.]

Me: nodding yes

Him: (nonchalantly) I guess it's just the curvature of the pine.

I laughed really hard.

My reply was "I'm sure Weed Growth's parents would prefer to refer to them as developmentally delayed."

Come home, see my dad planting trees in the backyard... I ask, "How do you know where to plant the trees?" Dad says, "It's arbortrary".