Which alcoholic drink can give you the illusion that you're hurt?

Sham-pain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of three…"

"… UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Illusion 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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My wife walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion.

I said, β€œHoney, it’s not what it looks like!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Why were Loki's powers centered around creating illusions?

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My wife threatened to leave me because of my obsession with optical illusions.

I told her, "Wait, this isn't what you think it is!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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When Dr Strange made illusions of himself in Infinity War,he became....

Dr Strange(r)s...

You’re welcome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darndc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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Optical Illusions: Eye can't believe them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunNRun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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Here’s an original one I just came up with just now while watching the Behind the Curve flat earth conspiracy documentary on Netflix. It made me realize that I am a flat eyeball conspiracist.

They’re just optical illusions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabriel_Aurelius
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Why did the magician fail in his exam of magic tricks?

Because trick questions were asked in the exam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Caught my dad red handed on a Facebook post.

Post: (optical illusion type situation) How many water melons are in this picture?

Everyone else: Numerical guesses.

My dad: "all of them"

The people over at r/funny didn't get it- I hope you guys can appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyunicorn2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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My Father-In-Law, ladies and gentlemen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/king_crow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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My friend told me a looked smart when wearing glasses

I told him it was an optical illusion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/humscotch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
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I'm seeing double, double double!

It's an octuple illusion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U-pu-36-ESM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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My sister has become king of the dad jokes

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pocketnotebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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My girlfriend walked in on me masturbating to an optical illusion

I told her "babe it's not what it looks like"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregorio02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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It's not an optical illusion.

...It just looks like one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nealgiebler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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