I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead...
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
I'm thinking of starting a newspaper based upon 2020...
I think it'll be called The Trying Times.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."
Those dustbins must be very intelligent.
Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and...
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and have been using newspaper since...
And man, the Times are tough!!!
I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.
Even my blood is a Type O!
My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.
You can say.... I’m behind The Times.
After a lot of tries, I finally taught my cat to fetch the newspaper.
You know what they say, practice makes purr fetch
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch.
I’m fallen on some hard Times.
I saw an ad in the newspaper for burial plots
Then I thought to myself "This is the last thing I need."
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad...
The fly didn’t stand a chance...
I asked my daughter if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I was reading the newspaper yesterday and I skipped over a section dedicated to outing dried fruit that had cheated on their spouses.
Then again, I never was that into currant affairs.
I was standing outside in my driveway last night and the newspaper delivery guy drove by and threw a newspaper in my driveway...
I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".
For two days in a row, I slipped on the frozen newspaper in front of my doorstep on my way out to work.
I seem to have fallen on hard Times.
The fish & chip shop I go to still wraps up their meals in newspaper
Yesterday I got a plaice in The Sun.
When I asked my daughter for a newspaper, she replied:
Dad, this is the 21st century, take my Ipad. What can I say ... this fly didn't understand what exactly killed her.
I saw a naked man in the park today punching a newspaper...
I'm sure he'll be hitting the headlines soon.
I never get a chance to talk to my Dad during breakfast, because he still reads the newspaper.
I guess you could say that....he is behind the Times.
I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,
so yeah I've had a strip tease.
My girlfriend asked for a newspaper. I said don’t be silly, take my iPad
The spider never saw that coming
I submitted 10 puns to a newspaper contest hoping they would be featured. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.
Saw this in my local newspaper last week. One of the best puns I have seen.
While I was reading the newspaper
Dad:Did you see that they found bones on the moon?!
Me: What???? No!
Dad: Yeah, the cow missed!
I showed my dad (a union rep) today's newspaper article about a union rep getting beaten with metal baseball bats
I told him "Man, this is like something out of the 1930's gangster era!"
He said "No no no, it's nothing like that. Back then, they used wooden baseball bats."
At least he has a sense of humour about it.
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...
I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers...
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. “We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!” I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
It was so cold that I slipped on the frozen newspaper on my way out the door this morning.
I must have fallen on hard Times.
I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,
so yeah I've had a strip tease.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
)