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I’ve started to hear voices and I don’t feel comfortable telling anyone that they’re back... so I’m gonna listen to them

https://youtu.be/KmFw4f7yUCo

For more context, I completed my undergraduate in May and received my B.S. in Mechanical Engineering. I wanted to go into Water and Wastewater so I decided to pursue a M.S. in Environmental Engineering (currently approaching the end of my first semester). This most recent summer, I took the perfect job at a nearby growing firm and remained at the company part time while I take classes part time. I love my coworkers and my boss and still have a lot of respect for what we do, but I find absolutely no joy in my work. I dread it. I’m so dissatisfied at my job that I look forward to the days that I have to spend time on my equally difficult classes.

I’ve never felt so repelled by my profession of choice and for the last couple months I’ve constantly questioned if I could see myself doing this as a career for the rest of my life. Consequently, I’ve been entertaining dropping everything and pursuing my dream career (voice-acting) instead. While I’ve personally never cared too much about having money for myself, I chose engineering because I want to be able to support any academic or career opportunities my future children choose to pursue, whether they want to sell fireworks or go to medical school. I don’t want to limit their options by choosing a risky profession.

To make things more complicated morally, I was extremely fortunate to have my education paid for by my parents (including the Masters that I am currently pursuing). They have always been very caring and supportive but I feel like I’d be stabbing them in the back if I threw away their large investment in me and my pursuits. My sister’s career choices have been far less fruitful than mine and they’ve always made sure she stayed on her feet (as long as she was making an attempt to support herself), but she didn’t go to college and throw away our parents’ money.

This feels like an age-old dilemma: chase my dreams and risk disappointing the people I care about and not have the same financial security, or stick it out in a job that makes me unhappy where everything is just about guaranteed to work out. While I suspect many answers would sound like “it’s foolish to do something you don’t love for a living just for financial security” I can’t help but feel like it would be selfish of me to pursue a less stable career and risk not being able to effectively support the children I hope to have in the future.

Yet at the same time, every day that I go into work, I leave feeling like the biggest waste of the

There have been some interesting ups and downs in my life so whenever things are going great I tend to prevent myself from being happy because I'm anticipating another downturn. But it's just a ridiculous way to live so I'm letting myself feel happy. I'm so grateful for how my life is going. I feel like one of the luckiest people.

Even when things are shitty just try to be grossly optimistic and positive!

I posted this a few days ago and got some really cool comments that helped me figure out how to define things in my system. Thanks to everyone! Here's what I came up with. Thoughts are appreciated.

Types of Healing Magic

• Regenerative. This kind of spells merely accelerates the natural regeneration of the body. More advanced spells provide the energy needed for regeneration, while spells that are simpler and cheaper to cast rely on the body's own energy. These can't be used to fix particularly severe damage, regenerate lost limbs, effectively reverse ageing, restore drained life energy, etc.

• Restorative. The cornerstone and namesake of the School of Restoration, these spells take healing one step further. They reconstruct severe damage, including lost limbs, and other injuries that the body wouldn't be able to fix on its own. They can even reverse ageing. However, they are many times more complicated to develop than regenerative magic, as they require information about the target to correctly restore it. In a way, they are like code, with built-in exceptions. Cheaper spells tend to fail because they're not programmed with a lot of backups. An ideal spell will use information from the target's DNA, its soul (if accessible), info built-in the spell itself, and even info from the caster,^1 in order extrapolate the best reconstruction. Spells like these are a vital aspect of resuscitation.

^1 Due to the limitations of Wizardry, Wizard restorative spells are not adaptive. They can only do what they're designed to do, without any further input from the caster. Wizards lack the ability to alter their spells on the fly. Mages, however, can tweak their restorative healing. In comparison, Sorcerors are able to tweak their spells, but restorative spells are beyond their abilities, so they can only rely on regenerative magic.

My personal philosophy for all things in life. Good luck gentlemen. 🔥

I can't do this anymore. I just want to die and see my mom.