Howrah district Puns

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

They’re on standbi

It really does, I swear!

Today is the fourteenth of September! MOASS almost definitely confirmed for today, because as more and more apes direct register at ComputerShare, IBKR indicates they are overwhelmed by many messages and WealthSimple presumably falsely claims they're ordered to stop the whole direct registration process! Look what this day brought us over the past years, and just imagine what that day will bring us in 2021! <3

Events

81 – Domitian becomes Emperor of the Roman Empire upon the death of his brother Titus.

629 – Emperor Heraclius enters Constantinople in triumph after his victory over the Persian Empire.

786 – "Night of the three Caliphs": Harun al-Rashid becomes the Abbasid caliph upon the death of his brother al-Hadi. Birth of Harun's son al-Ma'mun.

919 – Battle of Islandbridge: High King Niall Glúndub is killed while leading an Irish coalition against the Vikings of Uí Ímair, led by King Sitric Cáech.

1180 – Genpei War: Battle of Ishibashiyama in Japan.

1226 – The first recorded instance of the Catholic practice of perpetual Eucharistic adoration formally begins in Avignon, France.

1402 – Battle of Homildon Hill results in an English victory over Scotland.

1607 – Flight of the Earls from Lough Swilly, Donegal, Ireland.

1682 – Bishop Gore School, one of the oldest schools in Wales, is founded.

1723 – Grand Master António Manoel de Vilhena lays down the first stone of Fort Manoel in Malta.

1741 – George Frideric Handel completes his oratorio Messiah.

1752 – The British Empire adopts the Gregorian calendar, skipping eleven days (the previous day was September 2).

1763 – Seneca warriors defeat British forces at the Battle of Devil's Hole during Pontiac's War.

1782 – American Revolutionary War: Review of the French troops under General Rochambeau by General George Washington at Verplanck's Point, New York.

1791 – The Papal States lose Avignon to Revolutionary France.

1808 – Finnish War: Russians defeat the Swedes at the Battle of Oravais.

1812 – Napoleonic Wars: The French Grande Armée enters Moscow. The Fire of Moscow begins as soon as Russian troops leave the city.

1814 – Battle of Baltimore: The poem Defence of Fort McHenry is written by Francis Scott Key. The poem is later used as the lyrics of The Star-Spangled Banner.

1829 – The Ottoman Empire signs the Treaty of Adrianople with Russia, thus ending the Russo-Turkish War.

1846 – Jang Bahadur and his brothers massacre about 40 members of the Nepalese palace court.

1862 – Ame

Pilot on me!!

The other day, someone on this sub mentioned that they're receiving continuous calls from so-called NGOs, citing small-baby's blood cancer and other ailments and requesting for money. They asked how to know if it's original or fake, and whether they should donate any.

Remember - If you donate to any such NGO once, these guys get your details like Name and Ph-number and pester you with calls everyday, and you'd start getting calls from 20 other NGOs. (Based on personal experience)

Example of a fake NGO -

I've been getting calls and even Whatsapp messages from this NGO - Millennium India. I've decided to dig a bit and this is what I found -

Firstly, taking a look at the website, this is their banner image -

Millennium Website Banner

We can see the registration id and PAN number (AAABM5517A). But a quick PAN search reveals something else.Another entity, that shares the same PAN. Want to guess what that entity is?

Of course, it's another NGO. This time, it's Life Line Care Foundation

Life Line Care Foundation - Banner

And then I explored the website a bit more. This is on the main page -

Main-Page - Millennium India

Quick reverse image search on Google gave these results -

• First image (Wikimedia 2014)
• Second image - first appeared in 2007 in Sanjivini.org. For all we know, the girl in this pic might have a kid this age now.
• Third image (Shutterstock image from 2010)

I guess I don't need to say more, you get the gist.

Now this is where it gets interesting. Going to the contact-us page, we see a phone number - +91 8446 333xxx. A quick search on Truecaller reveals the person's name (let's say - Shubham Joker).

Dude has got a LinkedIn profile (link in comments). Looking at the top-3 credentials -

• President, *Millennium

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.