His 'n' Hers Puns

So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim “hey (son’s name) you’re really rockin’ ‘n’ rollin’ now.” My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.

Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"

Son "Yes!"

Wife " Tell me what the letters are"

Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"

Me "Was that his first dad joke?"

Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.