B Sides Puns

It’s like he lives on the other side of the tracks.

So it makes sense that CD's came next

It is logical that they will have a successor called CD

That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.

His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.

They use the side walk!

• came up with this while walking to work today (I work in education)*

But on the plus side, it still works.

because they are always by your side

Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.

Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.

Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.

Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...

Take my glove

Take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care

I'm still three

You can't take this Skye from me

I found out she was seeing someone on the side

First they lie on one side, then they lie on the other

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

I’d like to thank my legs for keeping me on my feet, and my arms for always being by my side!

I love you guys!

It appears completely safe, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

The siding's always made of brick

With Luke on your side.

Always look on the light side of the life force.

A side-kick

To say “hello” from the other side.

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

Hope this is okay, but I write a new joke every week on a white board at work and I’ve run out of good ones. If you feel it’s relevant, I work for a roofing/siding company. Give me your best shot. I will reply if I find one to add to my list.

Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"

On the dark side.

"Catch you on the flip side."

I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.

So I said "Sorry, I only have a B side."

My wife says it will look too boring, but I think it will be egg siding.

Glad to know she was on my side.

I found Himalayan on the side of the road on my way home

I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.

Cashier: “sir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain.
On the left side there's nothing right, and on the right side there's nothing left! 🤣

While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

This is thanks to their no tears formula.

The conversation was pretty one-sided.

They were opening a new branch on the other side

They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.

An infantry

Side note: I will be a first time father at the end of March. I am proud to join the dad joke ranks, my wife and son will learn to appreciate the content from this subreddit 😬

To get to the other side

To get to the dark side.

to get to the other side シ︎

Then I realised I was playing the bee side.

He chickened out.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.

Turns out I was playing the bee side

On the left side, there's nothing right.

On the right side, there's nothing left.